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Pre natal depression - feeling really low and don't know where to turn

(4 Posts)
babybluebell Sat 25-Jun-16 13:12:14

I'm in my mid 40s and am 30 weeks into my first pregnancy. There have been a number of issues and only recently have we been given the all-clear after an initially inconclusive Harmony test at 26 weeks. It's taken 9x rounds of IVF, a MMC and an ectopic pregnancy to get this far. I have a history of depression and have been on a lowish dose of Fluoxetine for 7-8 years - there is no record of this on my NHS file, as I was treated privately.

I am feeling stressed, constantly exhausted, extremely negative and tearful. I've lost interest in pretty much everything and am not sleeping well. When I do manage to sleep, I'm plagued by nightmares. I've not bonded with the baby growing inside me (I very rarely feel it move), worry I'm not going to enjoy motherhood and fret that I will never work professionally again (DH and I have been so focused on trying to have a family I had not been in paid employment for several years).

DH wants to be supportive, but doesn't really understand how I tick and is totally at a loss when I try to talk to him.

None of this is the baby's fault and I feel guilty that it has such a loveless wreck of a mother.

I really don't know where to turn. I am not being regularly seen by a midwife (only a consultant, with whom I am reluctant to raise such issues) and am worried that if I go to see my GP (who is lovely), I will not only have a record on my file but that she might refer me to social services.

I'd really appreciate some help and advice, as I simply don't know what to do or how to drag myself out of the hole I've found myself in.

cmwife Sat 25-Jun-16 14:01:52

Oh dear I am very sorry you are feeling so unwell. I can offer only this - babies before birth don't know how you are feeling about them, so don't feel guilty at not yet loving your baby. Focus on yourself for the minute. Can you start seeing a midwife? What about a counsellor? ( I'm not from the UK so I don't know how the referral process works there.) It can get better - I didn't bond with my first child at all during pregnancy and didn't feel as though I loved her to any degree until she was 8 or 9 weeks old - when first I felt any love for her I cried with relief. I just went through the motions until then - and it doesn't seem to have hurt our bond in the long term (she's 8). I hope you're ok.

KatyN Fri 01-Jul-16 08:01:17

I would recommend you see your gp. I had prenatal anxiety and depression, they were amazing. I got fast tracked to see a therapist.
The last couple of months of pregnancy are hard enough without this too.
Good luck kxxx

Geothecat1234 Wed 06-Jul-16 23:25:17

Hello. . . I was 38 (now 39) when I became pregnant for the first time. It was what I had always wanted, infact I could not imagine my life without having a child. But when I became pregnant I was completely consumed by negativity, doubt, anxiety and serious depression. I too had experienced a very difficult start with constant very heavy bleeding which began at 6 weeks and stopped at 12 weeks. I too had also been treated once in the past for depression, but have always been a very happy, go lucky and fairly positive person. My depression during my pregnancy eventually became so bad I went under the care of a home crisis team who visited me for up to three hours a day to talk and monitor me. At points I couldn't see any reason in getting out of bed. I repeatedly ruminated with the idea of a termination and honestly believed I would never, ever be happy again. My life was over. But with help from doctors, Mid wives, the home crisis team and some serious Cbt everyone got me through and I can honestly say that my daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Hormones are, it would seem, a complete f'ing disaster for some people and can totally blindside you to any true reality. If you're feeling blue I can only advise you to speak to someone. Pre natal depression is so rarely spoken about and is so incredibly destroying. It apparently is more likely to affect women who are slightly older in their first pregnancy and can also be brought on by any anxiety inducing complications early on. There is a fantastic support number through PANDAS where you can phone someone and talk to them directly when you're feeling particularly mad!! I am sending you huge hugs and huge love and you ate doing BLOODY BRILLIANTLY, don't let you convince you otherwise. . . .

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