Advice after a traumatic birth

[Niki18]

Hi don't know if this is correct forum to post but insure where wld be best.
Am after some advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation
In December I gave birth to my ds, after a ridiculously long labour my son was born by emc, he then didn't breath for quite sometime once born. He luckily was resuscitated but then had treatment for the next week meaning we were unable to hold him or really bond. I then had several complications due to the emc so overall a rough couple of months. Am glad to say my ds I perfect and a healthy 6 month old.
The advice I am after is more to do with me being able to get over it all, I still think about it everyday and often still get quite emotional over it all. Is this normal after this time? Has anyone been through similar and did therapy help as I am sceptical about getting any. Is it something that just eases with time?
Thanks for a advice

[untinctured]

I had a rough labour with my son too. Time has helped. The info on the birth trauma association was good. I was constantly replaying things in my mind which is a symptom of ptsd. Making a complaint to the hospital was therapeutic too.

[Niki18]

That's what I do, just go over things again and again, a couple if people have said I shld see a therapist but dint see how taking about it will help as won't change what happened. Just need some reassurance that it does get easier tbh 😬

[prettywhiteguitar]

You should get in touch with your midwife and ask for a debrief.

I had a traumatic labour although not as bad as yours and the midwife who checked me afterwards was very helpful. I kept on replaying it in my mind and crying, it's traumatic ! But don't feel you should brush it under the carpet, it helps to find out exactly what happened and why.

[daisydalrymple]

It should be possible to have a debrief with a midwife or your health visitor may be able to help with this. I was affected by ds's birth, but it wasn't until I saw a different midwife at clinic one day when pg with dd and mentioned it, that I really had the opportunity to talk about what had happened.

She was brilliant as she had access to my notes and read through what had happened, and was do matter of fact, this and that meant that had to happen, it reduced all my feelings of failure and made me realise the outcome was id successfully given birth to a healthy baby and that was the important thing.

I think this is one of those situations where talking is one of the best therapies, but ideally with a relevant health professional who has access to your notes and is able to explain / set your mind at rest / answer any outstanding issues.

I hope you feel better soon about it all.

[divafever99]

This is a very normal reaction to a traumatic time for you. I had a very similar experience with dd2, emergency c section, baby needed resus and I had a massive bleed which resulted in a stay in the high dependency unit. I sobbed for days after, could only think about the fact that we were both lucky to survive. My community midwife saw that I was struggling and referred me to one of the head midwives at the hospital who went through my notes with me and explained exactly what went wrong and why. I had a good cry but it really helped. Maybe you could contact the hospital and ask to do the same? dd is almost 10 months old now. I do think about it now and again but I'm not constantly replaying the events in my mind. What I'm trying to say is that it does get easier.

[Niki18]

Thank you all so much! A midwife did go over my notes which helped me be able to understand the lead up to it all and piece some bits together but it's what happened when he was born that I don't have answers for, do any of u know if there is a limit to the time after birth which you can ask for a debrief? I don't know if they would do it now as been 6 months but will ask.
Thank you all again

[daisydalrymple]

Ds1 was nearly 2 by the time I had my debrief when I was pregnant with dd. They have to keep your notes by law.

[Niki18]

Thanks that's good to know

[divafever99]

Notes are kept for 6 years op. The midwife I saw had both my notes and dd's, so she could also ask any questions I had about what happened to her.

[daisydalrymple]

Oh, if you do manage to arrange this, it's a good idea to write our all your queries before hand and make notes whilst there too / have dp or a friend take notes if you have company. That way you shouldn't forget anything x

[Niki18]

Thanks daisy that's a good idea with the notes. I don't really know if I have questions apart from how did it happen, even the medical team that were in the operating room were apprently all stunned, in all checks he had been a strong healthy baby who suddenly decided to not breath, in the debrief they apparently had afterwards they cldnt explain how it had happened, I think it's partially the lack of reason for it that still bothers me x

[HereIAm20]

Are you on facebook? If so go on to the page Rachel Birth Stories Weber. She specialises in helping people who have been through traumatic births. She is an ex-midwife.

[divafever99]

These things can just happen, with DD 1 she stopped breathing when she was a couple of days old at home. Luckily she was fine. The day before she had been healthy and had no problems. The doctors in hospital didn't know why exactly it had happened, and I found that difficult to deal with. I hope you feel better soon op, try not to let this spoil this precious time with your baby.

[PastysPrincess]

I had a very traumatic birth and 2 1/2 years on I'm still in therapy for it, although I am nearing the end.

I had a debrief from a midwife and she referred me on to medical psychology where I got the proper treatment. Eventually I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as well as PND.

I went on to have EMDR therapy en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_movement_desensitization_and_reprocessing
which was excellent.

I felt for a long time that there was no way out of the downward spiral but you will get there eventually. Just take one day at a time. It sounds to me like you would benefit greatly from counselling.