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So much guilt with antenatal depression

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Mmm365 Wed 08-Jun-16 08:33:40

Hi all, I'm new to the group and really struggling with depressive guilt today (and most days). I'm 31weeks pregnant with my first baby, and have been signed off work since Feb (5months) for depression. I have had it in the past, no longer medicated though for last few years, but this first pregnancy it has really hit me hard again.
Looking likely now that I'll be off until my mat leave starts in July. My work is seemingly supportive (tho my pay is halved which doesn't help as baby prep is so expensive!) but I worry being off for so long, then followed by a year of leave is so harmful to career, and more importantly my self esteem.

I wish I could just enjoy this time 'off' to grow this little human guilt free, but I can't find a way to let it go which I know is a symptom of my depression but feels extra cruel... so wondering if anyone else in similar boat now or previously being off for so long in pregnancy?

Feeling particularly awkward when I think about any future interaction with colleagues or my bosses in particular now or after mat leave which is so long away from now...the stigma around it doesn't help of course.

Also feel guilty that so many people would love to be in my position with baby on the way but I cant seem to enjoy it. Thanks for reading x

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