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Can anyone help?

(9 Posts)
UnsureOnEverything Wed 18-May-16 18:06:57

Hi everyone. Can anyone help me? Im pregnant with my first child, and although I'm overwhelmed with joy to be a new mummy, I get so down. I start to doubt wether I really want her or I'm in love with the idea of having a baby. I'm not very maternal. My other half hasn't always been supportive of the idea and I feel as though I'm going to let my baby down by bringing her into the world without 100% feeling like I want her. I'm not sure wether my other halfs negativity and pushy abortion talks have broken the bond between me and my baby. I'm always crying when I'm on my own. I constantly feel sad. I try to put on a brave face for everyone that's talking baby but I get scared every time I have a scan. Has anyone else felt this. I have no one to turn to regarding my feelings, and I'm scared the midwife will be like oh just get over it. I'm terrified and I don't know what to do? can anyone help? sad

Simpsonsaddict Wed 18-May-16 19:24:45

Hi, I'm sorry that you're feeling like this.

The first thing I'd say is that everyone feels like this to some degree, for different reasons. I know I did. I was worried whether I was doing the right thing, whether I'd be any good, how I'd cope.

I had, for different reasons, a lot of stress during my pregnancy and I was terrified, depressed and anxious. I broke down in tears in front of my midwife, who was amazingly supportive. When you think about it, they're very experienced and have seen it all! So please, please consider talking to her. You won't be saying anything she hasn't heard before.

Don't worry about 'being maternal' - there are a million different ways of being a mum, you'll find your own way. I'm not naturally 'maternal' either, or domestic, and I consider myself an excellent mum haha! She's clean and happy, my job is done!

I don't know what to say about your other half, I've never been in that situation, but maybe try not to think too much about what he wants and concentrate on taking care of yourself - everything else will come in time x

UnsureOnEverything Wed 18-May-16 19:48:15

Thank you! It means a lot that I know someone else had been through the same feelings. I will talk to her I just feel as though I'm kind of wasting her time :/.

I hope it does come. I just really worry I'll let her down, I always think I won't be a good mother or role model to her.

If she's clean and happy I'd consider you a good mum too, that's the most important to love and care for your child but what if I can't. That's what worrys me so much.

Thanks again for the support! X

Simpsonsaddict Wed 18-May-16 20:02:55

I felt like that to start with, with the midwife - not just about feelings, but about everything. I'd turn up with a list of things to ask, about twinges and aches, and things I was worried about! And the list got longer the more I was pregnant! She was golden, she'd heard it all before. And I'm now pregnant with my second, so much more relaxed because I know it all worked out fine before.

I also worried about the loving part, and about bonding, and it all just happened really naturally (I hadn't expected to love her at first sight, I thought it might take some time, but I genuinely did, it surprised me). I worry about the same things lik being a good role model, so I just assume that everyone else has those insecurities too, it doesn't mean it's true.

it's not easy to talk about feelings, so maybe writing something down might help you to get things started with the midwife? It would be excellent if you could get involved in ante natal classes, and/or when the baby is here go to groups, because I found that seeing other people in the same boat as me opened my eyes a bit. Xx

UnsureOnEverything Wed 18-May-16 20:42:04

Thanks again. Everything your saying makes perfect sense. It's just a feeling I can't shake off.

I find it hard to talk in person about how I feel, I tried talking to my partner and he just doesn't really seem to care much. I don't know if it's because his still thinks his too young even though his 23 which isn't that young or if he genuinely has no interest. So being that he couldn't really be bothered it's put me off trying to speak out loud about it. I know I'm not the only woman to ever feel like this but I feel like it right now and it's horrible.

I hope I get the rush of love that everyone says about. In the back of my mind it's always there that it won't happen and I'll regret my decisions.

Good luck with your second pregnancy! X

Simpsonsaddict Wed 18-May-16 20:53:41

I deliberately told myself I probably wouldn't get that rush of love, because it apparently doesn't always happen immediately, so I wanted to prepare myself. But it happened anyway!

Playing devils advocate, I've got an amazing husband, but he's not very good at talking about feelings either. Some people just aren't very good at that sort of thing (which is why it's easier to write down).

Even now, with my daughter just turned 2, I second guess myself. It's normal. But so is the feeling that you're somehow not normal for feeling that way, I think it's built into our brains to keep us on our toes!

Best of luck if you decide to talk to the midwife xx

whiteychappers Sat 21-May-16 19:19:23

Personally I'm beginning to think this is a normal feeling and a lot of it is hormones. The reality starts to kick in and you doubt yourself. I've googled it a lot and am surprised how many people feel like this. I'm 21 weeks and its just hit me, I'm finding pregnancy such a scary experience that sometimes I wish I hadn't started the journey as I feel so overwhelmed. Give yourself a break, its ok to have doubts and worries, you wouldn't be human. Now I just need to take my own advice 😁

Lauracotts Tue 28-Jun-16 18:45:57

Hi this is my first time on a forum and could do with some advice about baby blues. First time mum and finding it hard to talk to people about how I feel, spoke to my partner and he is supportive but feel like I am putting all my feelings onto him. Love being a new mum but just finding it hard to control my emotions and anxiety. I am constantly worrying about my baby every time he stirs I pick him up and don't know if it is because I had a c section after the induction didn't work for me please help!! X

Firsttimer82 Tue 28-Jun-16 19:26:04

I got baby blues very badly at 8 days. Its the hormones and the tiredness. Speak to you HV and also get in with mums groups and reach out to your friends that are Mums they will tell you they felt the same. I had a c-section and i think it didn't help with the hormones! Go to bed at 7pm! thats my other tip xx

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