Antenatal depression? Or am I just being a tit?

[MGC1986]

I have a history of depression and had PND after my daughter was born. How much of that was down to her being in NICU for 2 months or just would have happened anyway I don't know. Probably a bit of both. With this pregnancy I didn't feel ready to come off my antidepressants straight away but I've reduced them down gradually so I'm now taking 1 a week. I've struggled a bit but this past week has become a lot worse. I'm being really sensitive to things that other people are doing or saying, I feel like no one likes me or they don't have time for me. I've been having complications with this pregnancy and that's not helping. I've been told I shouldn't lift my daughter and that's changed our relationship and she doesn't ever want Mummy now. My friend (who is now my manager - through neither of our choice) is making me feel like shit about silly things. I don't think it's her intention but sometimes it feels like being in school (things like telling me that other people have told her something private but she can't tell me what - that's fine but why tell me in the first place?) I know that makes me sound really petty, but why tell me if not to make me feel shut out? My previous manager told me yesterday that she's pregnant and I'm really pleased to her, I said to my friend/current manager how pleased I am for her and she said "she told me 6 weeks ago". It doesn't bother me that she told her and not me, that's her choice, but why tell me that other than to make me feel excluded? I know that I'm being overly sensitive to all of this. With all the pregnancy complications I feel like I'm having to tell everyone that I feel fine, even when I physically don't, because I don't want people to worry. But I feel like I'm carrying the burden on my own. I feel like I'm letting the baby down and letting my daughter down by not being able to be there for her in the way I should be.

I don't know what to do. I don't know if this is my depression worsening or if I'm just being a knobhead and need to get a grip! And in either case, I don't know what to do about it.

[lostinabook]

Go to gp talk to them x

[MGC1986]

Thanks. I'm not really sure what they'll be able to do though.

[BabyMonkeyMummy]

I haven't been able to get an appointment with my GP yet and now it's the weekend and I don't know how to keep it together. I have spent a large part of the morning crying. I can't see anyway out from this. I have spoken to my husband about how I'm feeling and after initially thinking I felt "just a bit low" I think he gets it. But even so, what am I supposed to do? He doesn't have the answers and I wouldn't expect him to. I don't really know what to say to him about it because it's not as though there's anything making me feel this way, it's just an overall sadness.

Yesterday a woman in a coffee shop had a go at me because my Dad spilt a drink and she said she didn't hear him apologise - he had and she had already acknowledged it - and then she started having a go at me because I hadn't apologised. I hadn't actually done anything but apologised anyway and then I burst into tears. This has been playing on my mind since. I woke up in the night thinking about it and even thinking about it now is making me cry. I know that's not a rational response, I know I'm being overly emotional but knowing that doesn't stop it.

I don't know what to do. I feel so sad and scared and I just want to curl up under the duvet and sleep but even the thought of doing that makes me feel guilty to my daughter.