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I never thought I'd feel so depressed

(7 Posts)
Pennyformythoughts Mon 07-Mar-16 19:00:19

Hi all, I'm going to cut a long story short here. Last year I had a late miscarriage at 23 weeks and lost twin baby girls. It was my first pregnancy and as you can imagine I was (and still am) devastated. However, a couple of months ago we decided to try again. I would have left it longer but I feel my age is against me (I'm 34).

I fell pregnant straight away and am now almost 7 weeks. I though I would be happy to be expecting again, but to my surprise I find I am completely and utterly depressed. I know I'm lucky to have got pregnant again so easily, but I have such mixed feelings...fear that something will go wrong again, grief for my daughters, fear that I'm carrying twins again and it just seems like the next 8 months is a long long anxious journey ahead.

I try to picture myself holding my baby, but part of me doesn't believe I'll walk away from hospital with my baby. I also feel really tired all the time, nauseous and irritable. This weekend just gone I spent lying on the couch under a blanket feeling sick and bored and depressed. This is not how I imagined things to be.

Will these feelings of depression go away when my hormones settle down? How can I get through this pregnancy being so anxious? I am having an early scan next week so hopefully that will put my mind at rest somewhat. Surely the chances of me having twins again must be slim. My twins last time were identical, not fraternal. I couldn't go through the worry of carrying twins again, I just couldn't. Is what I'm feeling normal? I'm afraid that something more serious is going wrong with my mental health than just hormones.

rubybleu2 Mon 07-Mar-16 21:10:54

sweetheart, I'm so sorry for your loss, I felt just a little of how you felt, after 3 failed attempts of ivf, when I finally got pregnant, I just couldn't hope to believe it would all work out, I never really accepted the pregnancy until I got over the 24 week thresh hold, please try not to worry, its very normal to feel like this given what you've been through, but please mention it to your midwife & partner, I would say most of us look back at our pregnancys and can tell stories of hormone related thoughts and deeds, Tell your self this....you've got as much chance as the next woman of having a healthy baby

Pennyformythoughts Mon 07-Mar-16 21:19:33

Thanks. Did your pregnancy work out ok then?

rubybleu2 Tue 08-Mar-16 11:15:34

it certainly did, I'm now the proud owner of 2 beautiful children, I still cant believe how lucky I am

rubybleu2 Wed 16-Mar-16 16:36:21

did you have your scan ? hope all is good

Firsttimer82 Sat 19-Mar-16 10:19:29

I'm so sorry you went through that. Please be kind to yourself and give yourself time to adjust to your news. Hormones are awful things sometimes. Please talk to your GP as if it continues there are avenues for you to explore. You won't always feel like this. Hugs.x

Zaurak Sun 20-Mar-16 20:27:46

One thing that helped me was booking an early reassurance scan. It was well worth the money!

It's totally understandable that you're worried - a loss at any time is devastating but so late I think even more so. Definitely talk to your GP.

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