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Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.

Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.

Antenatal/postnatal depression

Should I tell my midwife?

16 replies

sElizabeth · 29/12/2015 11:46

Hi all,

I'm just curious as to what the 'consequences' of telling my midwife how low I'm feeling would be?

One of my concerns is I think one of the reasons I may be feeling so bad is due to so much interference from others and I don't know if telling my midwife about my thoughts/feelings would lead to even more?

Thanks in advance!

OP posts:

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IAmAPaleontologist · 29/12/2015 11:52

Yes, do tallk to her, that is what she is there for. Her job is to listen to you and to support you. She won't necessarily "do" anything other than listen but it will help her if she knows you are feeling low to keep an eye on you, to be alert for signs of ante or post natal depression and so on.

Scarydinosaurs · 29/12/2015 11:53

Definitely tell her, she'll have extensive experience with this and will be able to support you.

Minibelle · 29/12/2015 11:54

Is your midwife nice? I was feeling a bit down and was honest with my health visitor about it, she's lovely and I know she's there for support should I need it.

I don't have post natal depression, just had a lot of things happen in a short space of time which all hit me at once leaving me feeling a bit down and anxious.

Are you able to talk to your partner or family about how your feeling?

I felt much better after talking things through with my family.

sElizabeth · 29/12/2015 12:00

Thanks for the advice everyone!

I don't have any contact with my family (both parents are addicts) and I don't think talking to my partner would be the best idea.

His parents expect us to visit every day and complain if we're 'late' or 'leave early'. I've seen the way they are with my partners nieces and I'm concerned I won't be able to spend any time with my little boy. Plus, the time I will get to spend with him will be observed and judged.

I know this is silly but I feel like my son won't be 'mine' he'll be another member of their family.

OP posts:

Squarerouteofwine · 30/12/2015 08:52

It's not silly at all. Are you able to say no we are not coming today and be firm with them? Would they become aggressive?

What does your partner feel about having to visit everyday? Sorry for all the questions just trying to build a picture. I couldn't live like that, I have visitors when I want and tbh I like it just me, my dp and dc a lot of the time.

Scarydinosaurs · 30/12/2015 09:10

Oh dear that sounds less than ideal!

Do you think your partner wants this too?

sElizabeth · 30/12/2015 10:34

My partner doesn't seem to mind! If we say we're not coming then his parents get very moody and clearly blame me. If his sister (who has children) doesn't come for a day she really gets it in the ear!

OP posts:

Squarerouteofwine · 30/12/2015 10:36

I would just out your foot down and say it's not convenient and if they take offence or go in a mood so be it. Do you feel able to do that?

Wolfiefan · 30/12/2015 10:38

Wow! Better sort that sooner rather than later. Are you expected to visit every day until your child starts school?
You are your own family.

Fyaral · 30/12/2015 10:48

Every day? Bollocks to that. Can you and his sister put on a united front?

sElizabeth · 30/12/2015 10:50

I think I will just have to tell my partner that it's really important to me that we bond with our son as a family. Where we all go and what we all do will be 50% my decision and that won't involve going to see his parents every day. If I need to I'll say the same to them.

OP posts:

Squarerouteofwine · 30/12/2015 19:38

Have you had a chance to have a chat with your partner? Maybe worth having a chat with your midwife she can back you up that your baby shouldn't be constantly passed around.

sElizabeth · 30/12/2015 20:48

I explained I was feeling concerned I/we wouldn't have any time with him and wouldn't be taking him any where other than the in laws and my partner actually said (before I got to it) it will be just as much my decision how we all spend our time as a family.

It seems I need to stop making mountains out of mole hills in my mind!

OP posts:

IAmAPaleontologist · 31/12/2015 10:40

That's good :)

Fingers crossed the 3 of you will be able to settle nicely into a little family together. Remember, in the early days it is all about you resting and bonding with your baby so even if the inlaws do come round lots then if you need to take yourself off to bed with your baby to sleep or feed then do it. I know how hard it can be though, took me until number 3 to perfect the "my baby, my rules, sod off and don't visit until I say you can" thing!

sElizabeth · 31/12/2015 10:45

I've never been very good at the whole 'my rules' stance with anything, wish I was! However, told mil yesterday no she wasn't coming to the 20 week scan and had a lovely day on our own!

OP posts:

Squarerouteofwine · 31/12/2015 11:12

Now is definitely the time to make it clear that you want time as a family. If you don't set the rules now you'll regret it in the long run.

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