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Stuck in a rut and I dont know what to do

(7 Posts)
NMOKOENA Fri 18-Dec-15 06:31:06

So I'm a 25 year old single mother. My daughter is 4 now and i feel like l've just been stuck in a rut ever since I became a mother.
I was in an on and off realtionship with her father for years and i fell pregnant after a one night of "reconciliation". When i found out i was pregnant, I was secretly disappointed. Didn't express to anyone that I actually didn't want to be a mother, at least not at the time (i was 21), and that this was a huge mistake.
I had my child, took care of her the best way i knew how, got a stable 9-5 job and just sort of went through the motions. All the while wondering where I could have been had i not had a baby. Watching all my friends progressing and living out their dreams. Buying houses, cars, opening businesses, getting their honors, getting married and I'm just stuck here, at age 25, in a job i really just hate, no fancy degrees, no nice big house, no husband and i really just feel like all my dreams and aspirations died the day i gave birth to my child.
Now don't get me wrong i love that little girl, she's a beautiful bright, smart burst of energy. There's nothing on earth I wouldn't do for her. But I cant help but feel like I've missed out on a lot of opportunities. I could've been something, someone.

Am I terrible mom?

Besom Fri 18-Dec-15 08:44:26

You're so young you've got plenty of time to do anything you want. I didn't even start on my career until I was 29. Now I'm 45 with a young child, working full time and thinking I should have done this earlier!

You've posted on a depression board. Are you depressed do you think?

Besom Fri 18-Dec-15 08:52:43

And no, you're not terrible for having these feelings. You've had to cope with a lot by the sound of it and you have just got on with it. I think it's very natural to have these feelings and a lot of people do.But if you get 'stuck' Its time to seek help and I'd maybe mention to go if you haven't already?

Besom Fri 18-Dec-15 08:53:17

To GP not go

NMOKOENA Fri 18-Dec-15 09:36:53

@Besom, I dont know if i can call it depression, I don't know what that looks/feels like, I just know what I'm going through right now isn't right. It doesn't feel good. I remember a happier me from before, and I haven't felt GENUINELY happy in a very long time. I've just gotten to a point where I feel like my time is almost up and I'm still in the same place. I have the craziest mood swings. I spend a lot of time alone. If not I'm running away from my reality at the bottom of a vodka bottle. sad so i don't know... But you're right, i should probably see someone.

Besom Fri 18-Dec-15 11:13:47

Yes please do. Make an appointment today. You aren't seeing things objectively (which is what a depressed state of mind does to you). I know you aren't seeing things objectively because at 25 your life is only beginning. Get some help and then hopefully you can get to a point of making some positive changes. You clearly sound intelligent so I'm sure you can do whatever you want, you just have to get to a bit of a better place and you can get some support to do that.

Besom Fri 18-Dec-15 11:25:02

Also there is single parent board on here

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