Talk

Advanced search

Stuck in a rut and I dont know what to do

(7 Posts)
NMOKOENA Fri 18-Dec-15 06:31:06

So I'm a 25 year old single mother. My daughter is 4 now and i feel like l've just been stuck in a rut ever since I became a mother.
I was in an on and off realtionship with her father for years and i fell pregnant after a one night of "reconciliation". When i found out i was pregnant, I was secretly disappointed. Didn't express to anyone that I actually didn't want to be a mother, at least not at the time (i was 21), and that this was a huge mistake.
I had my child, took care of her the best way i knew how, got a stable 9-5 job and just sort of went through the motions. All the while wondering where I could have been had i not had a baby. Watching all my friends progressing and living out their dreams. Buying houses, cars, opening businesses, getting their honors, getting married and I'm just stuck here, at age 25, in a job i really just hate, no fancy degrees, no nice big house, no husband and i really just feel like all my dreams and aspirations died the day i gave birth to my child.
Now don't get me wrong i love that little girl, she's a beautiful bright, smart burst of energy. There's nothing on earth I wouldn't do for her. But I cant help but feel like I've missed out on a lot of opportunities. I could've been something, someone.

Am I terrible mom?

Besom Fri 18-Dec-15 08:44:26

You're so young you've got plenty of time to do anything you want. I didn't even start on my career until I was 29. Now I'm 45 with a young child, working full time and thinking I should have done this earlier!

You've posted on a depression board. Are you depressed do you think?

Besom Fri 18-Dec-15 08:52:43

And no, you're not terrible for having these feelings. You've had to cope with a lot by the sound of it and you have just got on with it. I think it's very natural to have these feelings and a lot of people do.But if you get 'stuck' Its time to seek help and I'd maybe mention to go if you haven't already?

Besom Fri 18-Dec-15 08:53:17

To GP not go

NMOKOENA Fri 18-Dec-15 09:36:53

@Besom, I dont know if i can call it depression, I don't know what that looks/feels like, I just know what I'm going through right now isn't right. It doesn't feel good. I remember a happier me from before, and I haven't felt GENUINELY happy in a very long time. I've just gotten to a point where I feel like my time is almost up and I'm still in the same place. I have the craziest mood swings. I spend a lot of time alone. If not I'm running away from my reality at the bottom of a vodka bottle. sad so i don't know... But you're right, i should probably see someone.

Besom Fri 18-Dec-15 11:13:47

Yes please do. Make an appointment today. You aren't seeing things objectively (which is what a depressed state of mind does to you). I know you aren't seeing things objectively because at 25 your life is only beginning. Get some help and then hopefully you can get to a point of making some positive changes. You clearly sound intelligent so I'm sure you can do whatever you want, you just have to get to a bit of a better place and you can get some support to do that.

Besom Fri 18-Dec-15 11:25:02

Also there is single parent board on here

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now