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4.5 weeks: all other nct mums and babies thriving, we are not!

(13 Posts)
Nervouswithnewborn Tue 01-Dec-15 12:37:10

Had horrific antenatal anxiety but when ds born 4.5 weeks ago felt amazing. Fast forward weeks of no sleep ( much worse last few nights) all other mums I know from nct and friend who had at same time thriving, babies smiling etc and feel terrible as still don't feel safe driving as no sleep plus baby barely looking at me recently let alone smiling, don't feel bonded at all and every time he cries feel awful and often just cry myself so how is he ever going to be happy stuck with me?!

CMOTDibbler Tue 01-Dec-15 12:41:43

Sweetheart, he will be happy, but you sound terribly unhappy. You need to talk to your HV or GP about how you feel

littleducks Tue 01-Dec-15 12:43:09

Some of those mums week be faking if and some week have bad times to come. Parenting is full of ups and downs and if you can try your best not to compare with others it makes it an bit easier.

Is your HV nice? Could you talk to her (?him) about how you are feeling or your GP? They should be able to help you.

Don't try and do too much. If you aren't getting much sleep then rest in the day. Order some healthy ready meals from somewhere like cook and really rest.

P1nkP0ppy Tue 01-Dec-15 12:45:52

Woahh, take a deep breath Nervous, I wouldn't be so sure that they're all sailing along smilingly! You're sleep-deprived like most new mums, and that's why you're having these thoughts.
Do you have a health visitor you can chat to, or your GP who will reassure you?
Can someone look after your beautiful baby for a couple of hours so you can catch up a bit on your sleep?
I remember how it felt too, and because babies don't have an instruction manual it's all trial and error and largely winging it much of the time.
Of course he is, and is going to be, happy with you.

TychosNose Tue 01-Dec-15 12:46:16

You poor thing.
Lots of mums find it really hard at that age. Your nct friends are either lucky or putting on an act. Most people I know admit now that the first 6 weeks are just survival. The sleep's a killer and tiny newborns can seem like very hard work. 4.5 weeks is very young for smiling so please don't worry that your baby isn't happy with you.
What's your health visitor like? Could you have a chat with her to get some reassurance?
I'm sure that soon baby will be smiling, will cry less , and you'll both be totally in love, but in the meantime maybe speak to your gp? Did you take anything for your anxiety?
Xx

MarlenaGru Tue 01-Dec-15 12:47:00

The other mums are faking it. Definitely. You are doing an amazing job. Go and speak to your GP because what you are feeling is extremely common and they can help you.

mydogeatsnutstoo Tue 01-Dec-15 12:50:26

I didn't take my first baby anywhere in the car by myself until she was six weeks and I found it overwhelmingly stressful. It was the middle of winter and for the first few weeks i started to feel really depressed from about 4 pm onwards thinking of the long night to come, panicking about no sleep and realising would have to get through the next day too. I also vaguely remember thinking my baby didn't like me as she cried so much. Also, they don't usually smile till about six weeks so wouldn't worry about that.
It sounds fairly normal to me - having a new baby is a massive psychological and physical adjustment and can feel lonely and overwhelming. If you are meeting your baby's needs you are doing fine. It will get better. Just be aware of the possibility of post natal depression though, as it think someone already said.
Also, some babies are just rubbish sleepers - mine was. Other people are luckier and get ones that sleep - don't think there is much you can do about it!

Nervouswithnewborn Tue 01-Dec-15 16:41:46

Thank you! Appreciate your support, my hv is a bit mad tbh but gp is good. Don't think depressed so much as hugely sleep deprived as whe rested feel more positive, just get so upset when he looks last and not at me - is silly am sure

P1nkP0ppy Tue 01-Dec-15 16:49:36

Babies can't focus that young so he isn't 'not looking' at you, that'll soon change, perfectly normal.

Just try to get as much rest as you can, sod the housework and live off simple meals. I remember feeling utterly desperate and because I was a midwife my sodding he kept asking me what I thought?
I didn't have a clue; midwives didn't see babies after 10 days old hmm. I was absolutely convinced I was a lousy mother etc so I do have some idea how you're feeling.
Other mums fake it big time, believe me. I stayed with my DDIL when DS went back to work and she was much the same, certain that other mums were sailing serenely along...........

flowers and hugs, be kind to yourself x

P1nkP0ppy Tue 01-Dec-15 16:50:10

Hv not he

Nervouswithnewborn Tue 01-Dec-15 17:37:34

Thanks poppy. All the other babies look like they are focussed and smiling in their photos - know is silly comparing but can't help it! Been told six weeks by gp so still way off just worried my baby only one not smiling and looking last me all the time, need to chill out smile

Rachel8615 Thu 03-Dec-15 13:54:14

Having a baby is much hard work and feels so much more so when they aren't yet responding to you. Believe me, it does change. My DD was 2 months early (born in June) but it was October - 4 months later - before she properly smiled at me. The first 2 1/2 months after we got her back from the hospital were indescribably difficult: she wouldn't gain weight despite incessant feeding, would only sleep in an upright position so me and my OH had to take it in turns to hold her throughout the night and if she wasn't crying, she'd be 'sitting' there glumly, looking at us with such sullen expressions i convinced myself I must be half starving her to death. But it's great you are meeting other mums (I didn't leave the house for 6 weeks or more) and I suspect they are probably feeling more like you are than they would care to admit. But get support from somewhere even if not these other mums because it's important that you can talk about how you feel to a sympathetic ear.

Nervouswithnewborn Fri 04-Dec-15 08:29:29

Thank you!! Appreciate your support!! Xxx

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