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antenatal depression after succesful donor IVF

(5 Posts)
givemeababy Tue 03-Nov-15 15:07:15


i'm 17 weeks pregnant, i'm married and in my forties. After 3 miscarriages and failed IVF with own eggs we decided to use a donor egg. i got pregnant.

Now i think i might be suffering antenatal depression. Or just depression, i don't know. I feel really miserable all the time. Short tempered. I am vile to my husband. Not in the least excited about the baby. I pretend i am because i don't want to upset my DH, or my DS (naturallly conceived with ex) who is excited about a sibling. But i'm not, I don't feel connected to it at all; I keep thinking: but it's not my baby. I'm worried that i won't love it. That i will always prefer my DS. That it will ruin my marriage because i will blame DH for wanting a child when i was happy as I was (because i already had one).

I think i was so focussed on getting pregnant i didn't think about what it would mean. That it would mean a baby that's not genetically mine. I know that seems really obvious, but i didn't think about it properly because i was so mad from the miscarriages, i just wanted to be pregnant. I don't really know what to do. I can just carry on being miserable and hope it gets better? It's just hormones?

I saw the midwife this morning and was going to bring it up but couldn't. Also DH was there - i asked him not to come but he insisted. It feels too personal (and mad) to say out loud. I can't really bear the idea of talking about it and i don't know how to explain that.

I would love to hear from someone else who's felt this way?

JiltedJohnsJulie Tue 03-Nov-15 18:35:26

No experience sorry but didn't want you to go unanswered. Could you try to talk to your GP?

If it's any help, it's pretty normal to worry that you couldn't love the second baby as much as you love the first.

givemeababy Tue 03-Nov-15 19:10:20

Thanks JiltedJohnsJulie. I think I will see how it goes for the next week or so and make appt with GP if it doesn't abate. I am hoping it is fairly normal and will fade as things progress - next scan at 20 weeks find out what it is, hopefully feel more connected then.

JiltedJohnsJulie Tue 03-Nov-15 19:16:38

Sounds like a good idea. Take it easy in the meantime and try to eat well thanks

InherentFilm Mon 15-Feb-16 13:14:57

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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