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(9 Posts)
heatherxo Wed 19-Aug-15 23:03:33

I'm unsure whether it's PND or I'm just feeling a little blue..
Can anyone describe how they felt/signs of pnd.
I guess I'm just scared to ask for help/advice in rl
Any advice would be great. Thanks

MrsRolandRat Thu 20-Aug-15 00:57:54

My pnd started quite early on. Maybe after a week or so. Everyone told me it was the baby blues. However it never got better and continued to get worse over the course of weeks/months.

How old is your baby?

I completed the tests the hv's do but lied as I didnt want to feel like a failure.

I was anxious, low and felt zero bond with dd. I resented her for messing up my easy pre baby life. Resented her as she wouldn't breast feed properly and had colic and reflux so cried practically all the time. I was severely sleep deprived which made matters 10 times worse.

At 5-6 months in I still felt no bond and just wanted to run away. It was then that I knew I needed to seek medical help. I went to the gp who said I had severe pnd and gave me tablets. I took them but they didn't work for me.

The only thing that worked was time and lots and lots of emotional support from my lovely mum! She got me through it. I was over the worst when dd was 12 months old.

She's 22 months now and I absolutely bloody adore her. The love I feel for her I cannot describe. Being a mum is hard, the hardest thing I've ever done. However as they grow and develop a little personality they are great company. In the early days they give nothing back and it's all sleepless nights and lots of hard work.

How are you feeling? What do you feel that makes you wonder if you have pnd?

Hang on in there, pnd does pass and there's lots of help and support out there. There will be groups in your local area where you can attend with other mums who are currently going through the same things. Also mums that have been through it to help and offer support and advice.

Speak to those who understand you and seek support don't suffer in silence as it'll make it harder for you.

heatherxo Thu 20-Aug-15 17:57:24

Thank you.
Oliver is now 8 weeks.
I love him, I do, but some days it's so hard and I feel like I hate him at times.
I'm always looking for a fight with dh, but maybe that's because he sits on his arse and does nothing to help.
I hate my life. I wish I could run away and leave dh and lo.
I took one of those online tests last night and my score came back as 14.. But I'm scared to ask for help, I don't want them to think I'm a bad mum. sad
My mum has mentioned depression a few times and just yesterday said that my auntie asked if I was ok, am I depressed...
So the question is, am I?
I don't know what to do!

LHReturns Fri 21-Aug-15 21:04:22

RolandRat I recognise everything you wrote above. My PND started with crippling anxiety when I stopped BF when DS was about 4 months. I spent the following 4 months feeling absolutely suicidal and regretting every choice I had ever made. My insomnia was beyond ridiculous.

ADs did work for me, but not quickly. I started escitalopram when my baby was 8 months and within 8 weeks I was feeling much better. I called myself cured when he was about 11 months. He is now 14 months and I am completed and utterly crazy and him, and delighted with my life. I now feel it was all so worth it (I never believed anything could be worth my suffering at the time).

I wish I had not wasted those 4 months feeling so hideous, and OP if you feel this way then I would act quickly. You don't need to feel this way, and you won't forever. RolandRat is absolutely right - it will pass. I believe that sertraline is fine while breastfeeding if you decide to try some ADs.

LHReturns Fri 21-Aug-15 21:05:39

OP I totally understand the urge to run away and leave them. I used to fantasise repeatedly about being admitted to hospital for a long long time, so I would have an excuse to not be home with my DP and DS...

LHReturns Fri 21-Aug-15 21:11:11

And finally heatherxo...just 4 months since I recovered, I already think I would love to do it all again...I am envious of your little Oliver. I bet you cannot imagine EVER doing this again right now, which is exactly how I felt.

Also, at 8 weeks my DP was useless too. I'm not sure men are that great with newborns anyway. DP is a fabulous daddy now there is a big bossy 14 month personality marching about the kitchen! His time has come to perform (thank god).

You will get better.

daisydalrymple Fri 21-Aug-15 21:17:37

heather if you have a good health visitor please talk to her, or just go straight to the gp. - generally I've found when you start speaking to a professional you may well burst into tears anyway.

The sooner you have help the better, or it will be a harder hill to climb. Be kind to yourself and don't try to push yourself or set too high expectations. It can be really hard, especially if you feel you're the one doing all the new stuff and oh isn't helping.

It always lifts my mood to get outdoors, even if I didn't fancy company, a walk always helped, Is DS happy in the pram?

Do speak to your mum, it's great she's obviously very in tune with your feelings and thinks you might be depressed. Talking really does help, it can be hugely overwhelming with a new baby. Especially when you think you should be really happy with this gorgeous baby.

heatherxo Sun 23-Aug-15 17:26:04

Thanks ladies.
I guess I could have a chat with my family nurse/hv about it next time I see her.

coveredinsnot Sun 23-Aug-15 17:33:04

You must talk to someone about it and accept treatment. If you don't want medication you should be able to access therapy quickly and for free via the gp or self referral (Google IAPT and your local area). Having pnd can affect your baby's development and sense of security so it's important to get it sorted not just so you feel better, but to give your son the best start. Although you're now two separate bodies, babies are completely reliant on us for emotional regulation and attunement, I'd you're feeling rotten it's very hard to do this. It definitely can and will get better. I find my dh responds well to clear instructions - perhaps have a think about specifically what you want your dh to do and ask him very clearly - if he refuses he's being a complete twat and that's a different matter!

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