Very down about unplanned pregnancy half way through.

[ipsofacto123]

I'm 22 and 20 weeks. Back in May I was doing my final exams at university when I found out I was pregnant. I moved home to Essex (back to my parents house) from Brighton shortly after. I was so unsure whether to keep the baby as it was a very irresponsible mistake but I have a lovely boyfriend who can support us and in the end it just felt right to have it. Sometimes I feel so in love with my unborn baby. I'm so excited for the future and to meet it and I feel petrified of something bad happening in the pregnancy.

Other times however I just absolutely resent it for what already feels like ruining my life. I spend probably three days a week sobbing about how unhappy I am. I had a good life in Brighton studying and living independently with my friends in a city and being financially independent.

I know I should be grateful and I feel so selfish and awful. My boyfriend has just bought us a flat, we can afford to get by the three of us on his wage and people live on so much less. I just feel so useless and deflated. I bring nothing in. I can't buy anything for my baby. I know for the foreseeable future I won't have any money of my own. I can't afford a car so I have no independence. I'm not even entitled to maternity allowance. I am an entirely kept woman who will soon spend all her days looking after a screaming baby.

I just wanted so much more for myself and I feel so down about it most of the time that I become desperately low. I'm pretty sure I have antenatal depression which surely means I will inevitably be depressed postnatal. If I hate my unborn baby surely it will so much worse when it's actually here. I don't want to continue to feel this unhappy.

[ChristmasEveMummy]

Don't know if you will look back at this as it was written a while ago but I couldn't just read and run as you sound so torn in your post.
All I can say to you is that i believe things will work out for the best, but I do think it would be worthwhile you having a chat with your midwife or GP about how you're feeling as they can put in place support measures for once you have your baby.
I have been a mum in similar circumstances - 24 when I had my baby, signed off work due to anxiety prior to falling pregnant so no income, hubby lost his job, we had next to no money and had to rely on my parents hugely, it was awful and I felt so inept and useless and will admit I really struggled emotionally when my son was born. 8 months on, however, things are slowly turning the corner my husband found work so we have a reasonable income compared to what we had been trying to survive on and I've adjusted to being a mum and have met lots of lovely people through throwing myself into baby groups etc.
I don't know if this will be any help but I just wanted to show you that life doesn't end when you have a baby plus there are lots of positives to having a baby at a younger age! I wish you well with all that is ahead

[cosmicdancer89]

I'm 26 now and fell pregnant a month from turning 25. I was writing my Master's dissertation when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't even think I could have children easily as I was diagnosed with PCOS. Luckily, my partner and I had been together, on and off, for 7 years so he was incredibly supportive of whichever decision I chose to make. I was torn as to what to do but in light of my health condition and the fact that I'd always wanted children, I decided it felt more right to keep the baby. I felt ambivalent about it all throughout pregnancy, especially having to abruptly change my lifestyle being a student for 4 years meant lots of drinking and going out and not having to be responsible for anyone or anything. I never had a proper job a couple of internships and freelance writing gigs, so I knew it would be hard to establish any form of career once I had my baby..

I'm not going to lie, it's been tough. Like you, I have no financial independence my parents are well off enough to be able to help my partner and I with rent and baby stuff, my partner earns an OK wage but not really enough for us to get a mortgage or a car. I hate having no independence and feel like my identity has now largely been forged by my motherhood a lot of friends have drifted away, because I have different priorities and am much more limited with time. I feel like I'm going against my feminist sensibilities by staying at home and doing home mum things all day. But my son is so beautiful and I'm crazy in love with him and the bond only grows stronger by the day, as he becomes less and less 'baby' and more of an individual little person.

You'll meet new friends -- I'm meeting local mums which has been nice. You'll figure out a way to build a career, I'm sure. I've promised myself to look into flexible and freelance work once he hits the 8 month mark. It's hard, but there's support, and the unique little person you're about to meet (or have already met) will be worth the sacrifice.

No real advice here but just wanted to let you know you're not alone! Feel free to PM me if you feel like you need someone to talk to :)