PND and a relationship break down(2 Posts)
I'm going out of my mind! I have a beautiful 5 month old baby girl, who I adore! I am a first time mum and I think I have found the whole experience quite overwhelming. My ex partner (as he now is just over a week) lost his job at the beginning of June and things have just spiralled out of control ever since!
I became a mess basically, I began to push him away, I was angry at him for the position he'd got us in. I've had basically no sex drive since giving birth and things have not been good between us! Last week, he said he thought I had post natal depression, I couldn't stop crying and was irritable and unable to cope with our child! This was confirmed by the Doctor who told me to have a think about what action I wanted to take- not a fan of anti depressants!
The next day, I wasn't getting a good vibe from my bf, call it woman's intuition and I asked him if he wanted to be with me and he said no! We were both getting each other down and that we could probably do with a break from each other to sort ourselves out! I was obviously devastated! He moved into his mums! Now I know in that time we spoke that I said things I really regret like 'things will never change'! I stayed at my parents the next few days and threw myself into sorting myself out! Went out for walks with the baby redecorated the lounge! Rebooked to see the doc to get the anti depressants!
I had seen my ex a couple of times over those days, he had our baby one night! Things had been fine between us! Anyway one night I was in bed and I went on fb on our ipad and his messenger was open and I found messages that he had been sending to a 19 yr old girl ( he is 34) that he used to work with and they were just so sleazy and it seemed like something had happened between them that night, the very same day he'd said he needed a break from me! I asked him straight away if something was going on without saying I had seen the messages and he said no, they were just close friends! Anyway the next day and just kept reading over the messages and I had to confront him about them and basically he said that he had drunkenly kissed her but 2 days later! He said it could have been anyone I just wanted some affection!!!!!
I've been a mess ever since and this all came out 5 days ago! I've lost it with him so many times and he has told me how much he regrets it. I've been on the anti depressants 3 days and I'm feeling horrific! Despite what he has done, I still love him and I can't stop thinking about him and just want him to hold me and make me feel better! I need some advice, help anything- I'm just feeling horrific. Thanks
Ok ! Ok ! try and calm down as all is not lost. Three days on anti depressants is not going to improve things, they take weeks to take effect. However you will get to feel better. Honestly!
You have already sorted out that you love him and you want things to improve. So that's positive.
Let's ignore this OW fiasco for the moment and concentrate on what you want. If you think about her it will distract you from getting better.
What he has done is pretty shite but not irredeemable as you did say that you pushed him away. ( I am not saying he isn't a prize.Arse either)
Take things a step at a time. Try not to look for blame but look for SOLUTIONS to get your relationship back on track.
Because you have PND you propably can go on a ' mindful course' plus CBT and receive 6 sessions of counselling in the NHS.
Also you could request some couples counselling. He is pretty childish to turn to some else when the going gets tough, and then blame you. After all he is 34 and an adult not a 4 year old.
However we all make mistakes , ( unless we are Saints, ) so if we want to be forgiven then we have to forgive.
Could your Mum and his Mum take care of the baby while you do something unrelated, together. Do something silly, such as go cart racing. Don't try and discuss what's going on for a few hours and just have fun together?
Remember 'fun' and laughing? You never know you might feel like making love after all. Laughing together really helps.
I feel so sorry for you both as you sound so lovely.
You have been through a terrible stressful time and just lost your way. ( for the moment)
Lots of hugs xx
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