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I feel like loosing my head

(5 Posts)
Toni22051996 Thu 25-Jun-15 22:56:13

Well we're do I start..
when I was pregnant me and my partner decided to move out of my dad's flat as we was all getting under each other's feet ect..
when I was 5 months pregnant my dad took a overdose and killed himself... He was left on his own and I can't help but blame myself.. my mum had an affair and split the family up basically and me always been a daddy's girl I went and lived with him.. It has been 10 months and I thought I was getting better emotionally but I keep falling back down. . I don't know weather this is postnatal or just depressed. Or maybe just grieving but my life just feels like it's going so wrong and I have the most precious gift in the world my little girl.. my partner isn't very supportive.. well he does try but I'm just always having a go at him and pushing him away..
The man my mum is with (who she had a affair with ) has 2 sons and he was with a woman before.. well she has just passed away too and it felt like my dad died all over again.. I didn't really get on with her because she didn't take the affair well and always kind of had a go at me and her children but I just feel so terrible for her sons.. I mean my dad then their mum.. In the past 10 months. It is a horrible situation.. my mum is a alocoholic to and her partner im scared in the next 10 months she could be gone too.. feel like my head could explode any minute.. and all my emotions are causing so many arguments between me and my partner.. I just wish I could be happy and me again I was so bubbly and now I just stay in the house all the time and everything I do feels like a chore.. my baby is 6 months and I want to get better for her!!

please help I need some advice what to do blush sad

Smartiepants79 Thu 25-Jun-15 23:01:39

What an awful year.
I'm sure you know this deep down but you are not responsible for your Dads death. He made his choices.
You MUST get some help. See your Health visitor, see your GP. Be honest and keep pushing til something is done.
You owe it to your Daughter to get well and break what appears to be a cycle of mental health and depression issues.
Others with more experience will come and give advice. I'm sure.
I hope you feel better soon.

Toni22051996 Thu 25-Jun-15 23:14:56

Yeah has been horrible.. but when Sophie my girl came I was so happy and I believe she was my angel who saved me.. but I still get so down... I tried grieving counselling when I was pregnant and it didn't help.. I have been put on anti depressants... I have just started taking them again.. every time I put something in place for myself like parent groups ect. I never end up going. I have no motivation...I just can't seem to get out of this hole I'm in...
Thank you

Smartiepants79 Thu 25-Jun-15 23:37:28

I'm not an expert but I would suggest that another go at counselling might be a good idea. It might be that it was too soon the last time plus you were pregnant and hormonal which can affect things.
It's still really very early days both as a mother and in the grief process. You perhaps need to give yourself some time and space to grieve. It's ok and normal that you are feeling crap and distressed. Be a bit kinder to yourself.
Maybe also try and let your partner help you more.

Toni22051996 Fri 26-Jun-15 12:29:57

Yeah maybe so.. well he actually found my dad so it's hard for him too.. its just all suh a mess and it's so hard for us to talk about..!!
Just had a phone call to say we need to say goodbye to my grandma too.
Life is so cruel..
just need to stay strong for my girl.

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