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Have I PND or Is this the result of a unhappy relationship?

(2 Posts)
Lealou79 Sun 08-Feb-15 12:49:38

I'm a mum of three beautiful girls, the latest addition bring 5 weeks old. I don't even know where to start? My oh and I have a fragile relationship and having broke up for the millionth time we gave it one last chance in our marriage then discovering I was pregnant a month later. I was confused knowing that our relationship would probably be too weak to go through the trials and tribulations of a pregnancy and newborn. I was right. Te problem is my oh Isnt an emotional person at all and does not give me emtional support at all, that's why we had our original problems. When the crap hits the fan and I need some emtional support he pushes me away. Well this has happened several time throughout pregnancy and after a difficult first month I'm an emotional wreck. Our dd was a scarily quick home birth which was a massive shock to the system, after a couple of days I started to struggle with BF and found she had bad posteria tongue tie, I then went on to try and exclusively express but was becoming massively sleep deprived. My husband does try but in such a passive way, making empty promises. This results in me liking like a mad woman who if highly demanding and has ocd. Little do the outsiders know that he said he would do such and such or suggested for me to try this and that as he deny it all when challenged? Well he has done it, I've finally lost the plot. After crying my eyes out when he can't in from night shift sayin I was so tired after a stupid three hours sleep in three days he said it's hard work having newborn and he was tired from his shift, again I aooroached him nights after saying I can't cope anymore and I don't know what to do, he responded with don't be stupid ur just tired. Then let me walk out the hoyse and drive the streets early hours with out calling me or anything. The list goes on... Out dd has reflux now which luvkily is getting better with meds but he had again made me look like a fool. Bhs said in front of my parents las night that inward the only one who had a problem with her sleeping and making a bigger deal fan it is. So inturned te tables and said well if you don't have a problem with the sleep issues you do the night feeds. He did. I lay there in the other room listening to my dd cry for nearly 20 mins, when I went in and questioned why he let her cry for so long he responded with "she is only due her feed in Half he so was just trying leave her a while longer, she just being a hungry little bitch" omg! But then when I reacted to that comment apparently inward over reacting. I walked away defeated and was left listening to her crying on and off for rest of early hours. When I went up at 8 he said she slept well but needed ho back to bed for few hrs catch up on sleep? (Contradicting his comment of your the only one who has a problem with dd sleeping issues) I then woke him for me to go to sleep for just two hrs later in morning after getting the 2 dds fed and watered etc and now lay here listening to doors banging, baby crying and dd2 shouting. Is it juste or is he being selfish and was his actions out of prefer the night before?? I really feel like I'm goin mad as when I speak to my mum she says I'm making a big deal and need just deal with it or leave! I have nowhere else tongues and actually just feel like running away an leaving him to it as he twists an manipulates everything, even his own words when it suits. Doin have PND or just in a bad relationship I need get out of!? I'm a great mummy and my other two dds are wonderful well mannered children so why am I being questioned when making decisions for my dd3??

A very confused as lost heartbroken mum x

ShaunTheSheep123 Sun 08-Feb-15 18:13:59

My heart goes out to you, but first you have raised some significant concerns for me when you say; "Well he has done it, I've finally lost the plot. After crying my eyes out..."

1. How have you lost the plot? Are you or your kids in any danger? Can you still cook/clean/feed them? If you can't do any of those things, you need to act now!

2. Also, you said that your partner called one of your children "a bitch", if that's the case, you need to act now.

If either apply, contact a friend/family member you trust and tell them what's happening. DO IT NOW! Don't be afraid to let them know how vulnerable your feeling, tell them!

If no friend/family member, you need to either contact your local social services dept. (all County Councils/London/City councils have 'out of hours' services available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week), - OR - contact the police for help/advice (they can remove your partner, without arresting him or getting him into any trouble).

There are potential connections between PND (PPD) and partners, but that's for another post, once you are sure that neither of the above apply to you. As, if neither of the above applies to you, you still sound as though you need professional help, so:

3. Tomorrow first thing, contact your GP and ask for an urgent appointment. If an appointment is not available, ask for an emergency same day appointment. If you do not want to tell the receptionist your business, tell them its pregnancy related, and leave it at that.

I will reply more once you post you have considered the above.

Kind regards and best wishes and much love...

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