saw the doctor today

[ASunnyTiger]

We discussed things, she prescribed me ADs, is getting the HV to come out and see me, and wants me to go back to see how things are in a few weeks.

I'm having a but of a niggle about the ADs though. DS is only 3.5 months and I feel guilty about taking something with no in depth study into its safety for breastfeeding infants. I've been trying to find the research and the studies seem to have such small samples with no long term data on any effects on the babies.

I'm also still not really sure I'm depressed. I keep thinking that it's just that I need to do 'this or that' and everything will be better, I'm not really depressed. I feel like a bit of a fraud. DH doesn't seem to think I'm depressed either, we had a brief chat on the phone, he mentioned about me just needing to get out more and make friends (he doesn't understand how stressed I get from having to meet up with people, I don't actually want any friends!)

So I guess it's a big think for me tonight, if I do take the meds I think I'll probably take them at 10pm, restrict DS to bottle feeds over night and pump and dump first thing in the morning to reduce any meds in the milk. Maybe I won't feel guilty then.

Not sure what I'm after posting really, maybe just to see if anyone's in the same boat and fancies a chat?

[captaincake]

Hi, I think I was similar to you a few months ago and I agreed to perinatal discharging me even though they didn't do anything anyway and now I am significantly worse. Perinatal just constantly try to send me back to the gp but the gp can't help. I took sertraline while breastfeeding but we've now stopped breastfeeding. What have you been given? Could you call the breastfeeding network and ask their opinion?

[Gunpowder]

Well first I'd give the drugs in breastmilk helpline a call. They can talk through the studies/risks with you. They are usually really informed and helpful.

In terms of depression itself, I'm so sorry you feel down and get stressed about wanting to meet people. Can you pinpoint why you don't want friends? Is it because your DS is still little and it is difficult to get out? (DD was high needs and while I wasn't depressed I was exhausted and remember feeling like it was easier to stay at home.) If he was the easiest baby ever and you were well rested would you still feel like you didn't want friends?

If you are depressed then it's good to sort it early, and you don't sound like a fraud at all btw. Not sure if it's your first DC, but motherhood is such a massive game changer. The book What Mothers Do is often recommended on here and really helped me understand a lot of my feelings were normal.

I really hope things are brighter for you soon.

[Gunpowder]

Sorry if it sounded like I was minimising your feelings. Clumsy syntax and obvs only you/your GP knows if you are depressed. Was just explaining my experience.

[ASunnyTiger]

I've been given sertaline, 50mg a day. Still not quite decided so didn't take it last night, really need to make my decision by tonight.

I find friends too stressful Gunpowder, and tbh don't really get happiness/enjoyment from friendships. It's not something I pine for or worry about. Also DS is DC2, I also have a 2.6yo DD, who was my had baby - had the witching hour, hated anyone but me holding her, very high needs. DS is a dream in comparison, so happy and chilled out.

Will check the book out and breastfeeding network thanks. I'm still not sure I'm depressed. DH spent last night doing a lot of reading up so he can try to support me more, which is actually making me feel a little bit uncomfortable.

[captaincake]

Could you go back to the gp, explain that you're not sure you're depressed and talk it though?

[ASunnyTiger]

That's what I actually said at the appointment. We talked about most areas I think, she said I do have some symptoms but I think it's just hard to know for sure from one appointment and doctors after necessarily the best placed to come to a conclusion anyway. Or I'm just making things complicated.