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Feeling useless

(6 Posts)
Redhead7828 Sun 04-Jan-15 18:56:27

Hi im a first time mum to a little boy who is 7 and a half months old. I just feel like im doing everything wrong and my baby doesnt love me sad I am feeling more and more sad about other things in my life,partner,his kids with someone else and this is making me feel worse. My baby adores my partner,only looks at him when were all together,saves his big smiles for him and always looks past me to see if hes there. My partner has been off over christmas and is back tomorrow,part of me hopes it will give us a chance to reconnect but im scared hes unhappy with just me. I thought i could put up with anything but dont know how to cope with my baby not loving me sad Please any advice would be great

mipmop Mon 05-Jan-15 01:19:00

Are you on maternity leave at the moment? If you have the whole week ahead then hopefully you can plan some lovely moments together. Try to slow down, reduce your expectations and commitments (e.g. feeling you can't play as you should be doing housework) and just enjoy being with your baby. The thing he enjoys most at this age is seeing that you love him and think he is important. So take your time with feeding, dressing, nappy changes, shopping etc and have fun with him. Talk to him, tickle his toes , show him carrots and onions at the shops, and most of all do something you enjoy too - show him photos of you as a child or on holiday and talk about that, go to a favourite cafe, meet a friend, and let both of you feel in synch.

mipmop Mon 05-Jan-15 01:22:08

Also if you haven't done so already, maybe speak to your health visitor, partner or someone else. Your baby needs you and loves you, it's sad to read that you don't see it at the moment.

Redhead7828 Tue 06-Jan-15 21:21:01

Thankyou for your reply. I have enjoyed the last couple of days with my little boy. Can i ask is it normal for my son to really smile and laugh as soon as my partner comes in the room whereas i have to work hard to get him too? Is it because hes with me all the time or do you think they just have a better connection?

mipmop Tue 06-Jan-15 22:26:41

Glad to hear that this week is going well. I think you could be right about you being more constant. Babies (and young children) laugh and smile at things that are new or unexpected as well as things that make them feel happy inside, but that's not a bad thing, it doesn't reflect anything about your baby's connection to you. No baby is smiling all day when at home with either parent (or whoever is caring for them). Your baby will feel safe and secure by knowing he it's important to you, so if you respond to him when he does something ("Oh look you managed to reach the toy!) or talk to him and make it clear you're thinking about him ("Are you hungry? Did you enjoy that?") then he will feel good about being with you, even if he's not smiling and laughing.

mipmop Tue 06-Jan-15 22:28:06

That should say he is important to you
phone autocorrect!

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