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PND with second child

(21 Posts)
Emmabubble123 Thu 01-Jan-15 17:53:46

This is my first time writing on a forum but I'm not sure where else to turn and just wanted to make sure I'm not alone in how I'm feeling... I'm 25 with a 3 yr old little girl and just had my son 5 months ago. For the last 2 months I've been feeling incredibly low and tearful which has gotten worse by the day... Yesterday my doctor diagnosed me with PND and offered me anti depressants which I refused as everyone I've spoke to (most of which have taken them in the past) have told me horror stories about them and said they would make me worse. Instead my doctor has referred me to a counsellor. I think my PND is mainly down to juggling both children, my 3 yr old hasn't been jealous at all but is very demanding as most 3 yr olds are but she constantly wants me to play with her and says things that makes me feel guilty if I don't, most of the time I'm too exhausted to play with her as my son still wakes allot in the night and I find I keep snapping at her. I also think I've been comparing to much to when I had my daughter as everything was perfect then , she slept through, I could fit everything around her and I was the happiest I've ever been, the complete opposite to how I am now...My partner is great with the kids but I think he's getting fed up with my relying on him too much even though he doesn't show it and does everything I ask... Also ive been very open to my frends and family about how I've felt and told them I had my doctors appointment this week and not one person has text to see how it went which makes me feel very alone...I'm starting to think maybe anti depressants would be better to lift my mood but I'm so scared to take anything... Has anybody else felt like this with their second child? Ps I'm sorry I've rambled on so long!!!

Emmabubble123 Thu 01-Jan-15 18:17:55

Anyone??

jimijack Thu 01-Jan-15 18:22:57

Yep. I've been there.
It took me almost 3 years to seek help.

Within 2 weeks of starting antidepressants I felt MUCH better.

I could function, I could smile again, I was calmer. I was me again.
I was still so fucking tired from absolutely no sleep, but it was ok.

I was on ads for 18 months. Came off them, never needed them since. That was 8 years ago.

Seriously consider medication. All the best x

Emmabubble123 Thu 01-Jan-15 18:33:31

Thank you so much for your reply... Do u mind me asking what was the name of the anti depressant you were one and the dosage... I worry that even though they may make me feel better I will feel deep down its a false happiness if that makes sense... Did they make u feel worse in the first 2 weeks of taking them before you got better?

jimijack Thu 01-Jan-15 18:43:53

Citalopram,20mgs.

Not false happiness at all. It was like I had been taken from a dark room into a sunny room. Can't help feeling better.
Side effects for the first 2 weeks were not pleasant so I took them at bedtime, that way I slept the side effects away.
After 2 weeks all the side effects went.

Didn't feel happy, felt better. Able to cope & manage things that had been stressing me out for no particular reason.

My boy didn't sleep a full night through until he was 5 and at school. I couldn't see properly some days I was so bone drenching exhausted. I was a mess.
Wish I had gone sooner.

jimijack Thu 01-Jan-15 18:46:28

Side effects were things like feeling shaky, tired(wasn't sure it was possible to be more tired) not more down. Same when coming off them, again short lived.

Momzilla82 Thu 01-Jan-15 18:55:18

Hi OP. sorry you are struggling and no one seems to be sending you that text to check you're ok. In my experience some people are a bit flummoxed by mental health in a way they wouldn't be for physical. It's odd, but unless you've suffered you probably will never get it.

ADs are like muting your emotions for a while. You don't feel bad or good, just evenly balanced (hope that makes sense). I was on mitrazapine for 7 months, citalopram didn't work for me (everyone is different- keep trying til you find the right one for you). I was at the point where I was no longer functioning and I feel like they saved my life. I took 3 months off work and slowly recovered. I couldn't have done that on counselling alone- I needed something to halt the downward spiral.

I have a 4.5 year old and a 4 month old- its hard work. I don't have pnd this time (I don't think)- but I am def finding it harder- and my eldest is at school most of the time!! And my baby sleeps (whispers).

Keep going. And remember you're doing an incredible job and this too shall pass.

Unmumsnetty (((hugs)))) and flowers

Emmabubble123 Thu 01-Jan-15 19:50:57

Thank you for you replys... I think I'm going to make another appt with my doctor tomorrow to be put on ADs because I don't think the counselling will be enough, I've lost count how many times I've cried today. It is definitely harder the second time round and I need to remember to stop comparing how things are to when I had my daughter xxxxxx

duplodon Thu 01-Jan-15 19:57:08

ADs don't make you happy but they stop the endless misery so you can see the positives in your life again, I like the sunny room analogy, sort of like the depression is a thick, dark blind keeping out the daylight and ADs just let you lift it up day by day. I didn't find them too pleasant to go on, they stopped me sleeping for a week or two but it was WORTH it!!

Emmabubble123 Thu 01-Jan-15 20:11:52

I feel like a dark cloud over my head sucking out all the happiness, xmas is my favourite time of year and it's been miserable for me, I have been ill as well though but I feel like I couldn't find any joy in it at all it was so disappointing... Has anybody had any experience with drinking on ADs... Obviously I don't drink that much with two young children (my baby is bottle fed due to be being unaale to breast feed) and I sometimes like to have a glass of wine with dinner at the weekend and it's my birthday in a couple of months and was looking forward to having a rare night out with family and friends... Obviously if it's a complete no no then the ADs will come first as they are more important In making me well but I just wanted people opinions

Momzilla82 Thu 01-Jan-15 20:46:23

I didn't drink on them. They made me feel sick if I did (i was bridesmaid at a wedding And had 3 sips). Also alcohol is a depressant- so even if a drink did not mess with your medication it would not make you feel happy.

I'm sorry you're finding it tough- go to the GP for help. Don't suffer in silence.

Emmabubble123 Thu 01-Jan-15 20:53:15

Ok and when did u know it was the right time to come off them? I worry about taking them, feeling better and then feeling exactly the same if not worse when I come off them

Momzilla82 Fri 02-Jan-15 04:35:44

I decided to come off them once I felt more able to cope. I discussed it with my gp and my therapist when i thought it was time. I didnt want to slip into being on them long term.

I came off them more easily than I thought-although withdrawal was physically hard. There was also a lot of self doubt that I was doing the right thing. But after a month I was sure I was ok to be off them.

The crux of the decision is this OP- you know life is hard now and that you're crying a lot on days like yesterday, without ADs (and with the wait for counselling long) this is probably not going to get better on its own (if hasn't so far). ADs may not agree with you (and please do be open to trying a few if the first one doesn't work) but they might and isn't that hope worth clinging to that something can make things better, even if temporary whilst you catch your breath. What do you have to lose?

I saw this today- and thought it might help you feel less alone.
pndandme.co.uk/2014/10/25/a-tear-slowly-slides-down-her-cheek/

duplodon Fri 02-Jan-15 09:34:07

They say about 6-12 months after you feel well again. The key to preventing relapse is to learn strategies while well on ADs, like CBT or Mindfulness. This greatly reduces the chances you will relapse when you come off. I came off when 12 Weeks pregnant with my next baby (the fact I wanted the next baby is a good indicator of how well I was) and he is nine months now and apart from 2-3 days just after we moved house when he was three months when I was afraid it was coming back, all was hunky dory.

You will get better xxx

Emmabubble123 Fri 02-Jan-15 15:29:41

Thanks so much for that link momzilla82 reading things like that and everyone's replies to my post make me feel much better and make me realise I'm not alone. I've booked an apt at the doctors for Monday to hopefully be given some ADs, I'm a bit nervous about the next couple of weeks while they get in my system and I'm really hoping there's some improvement by the end of the month xxx

Momzilla82 Fri 02-Jan-15 16:27:02

HTH. Please let us know how you get on on Monday, and please find a way to simplify what demands you put on yourself for the next few weeks whilst you adjust. Go for the bare minimum you can get away with and then some: ready meals/ freezer tea, walks to the park, online supermarket delivery, easy food you know the 3 yo will eat, lots of cbeebies. And leave the house every day for fresh air- helps everyone stay sane.

Emmabubble123 Mon 05-Jan-15 16:16:45

Just an update.. I went to the doctors today and she gave me 20mg citalopram... Today I've felt really low and completely exhausted as my little boy hardly slept at all last night... I took my first tablet at mid day and I've just woken from a nap and I feel awful sad I'm really hoping these tablets start to work soon because I'm struggling to do anything whilst feeling like this

Mumblepot26 Mon 05-Jan-15 19:34:40

Hang on in there Emma, you might want to take your tablets just before you go to sleep to minimise side effects. Remember they do go away within a couple of weeks. Try to keep busy as much as you can. You will be fine

Emmabubble123 Mon 05-Jan-15 20:07:21

Thank you... I'm just wishing these next few weeks away sad Can't wait to feel better and myslef again

Mumblepot26 Mon 05-Jan-15 20:54:36

You WILL be there very soon x

gollygoshers Fri 09-Jan-15 22:58:36

Hi Emma, I'm on sertaline. I like you was very nervous about taking meds but think I'd be a lot worse had I not taken them. The side effects terrified me but other than nausea for a couple of weeks there were no other nasty surprises! After 3 days I felt they were working.....although they wouldn't have been in my system by then so when a few days later I felt really low I was so disappointed. I think it's just realising things take time to work! Rome wasn't built in a day. I'm now on week 4 or 5 (?) and a lot less anxious than I was. Hope your doing ok x.

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