Non stop worry is exhausting!

[Loveallmyboys]

I'll try and keep this brief...
I had DS3 at 30+5, he spent 5 weeks in Scbu gaining weight and establishing feeding(no oxygen or anything was needed). 6 days after he came home, he caught bronchiolitis and ended up spending 2 weeks in hospital including 8 days in icu, 3 days on a ventilator! He's been home about 2 weeks now and I'm driving myself crackers constantly watching him to see if he looks ok! I'm actually scared of him-how ridiculous!
I hate being on my own with him and I don't want want to leave the house now either incase something happens. I've lost my appetite now too, which isn't ideal as I'm breastfeeding him. An inconvenient combo of not really eating/drinking + a shed load of stress=reduced milk supply, which = more bloody stress!!!
Sorry for the rant, I feel better for getting all that off my chest

[holeinmyheart]

Sorry but I am afraid that you are exhibiting all the signs of PND. Natural enough after all the hard times you have been through.
Depression manifests itself in everything looking skewed and out of proportion. In your case it will be combined with lack of sleep and increasing anxiety.
You are not alone as many new Mums are in the same boat.
When one of my DDs had it she was frightened of her own baby. It was along time until she sought help as she was in denial. She still feels guilty now, years later as she had great difficulty even liking her gorgeous baby, let alone bonding.
I feel for you love as you must be feeling horrible. Go to your GP, they will have heard it all before and even may have experienced it them selves.
If is just anxiety, then that still needs attention before it progresses into PND. Hugs xx