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(12 Posts)
slightlyconfused85 Sun 09-Nov-14 07:04:27

Please help me. I am pregnant with my second child, I thought this is what I wanted and I don't. I love and adore my 2 yo daughter, my life is happy with 3 of us. I can work, which I enjoy and we just about have enough money. I feel sick, I can't sleep, we were going to marry in May and we won't be able to, I just want to curl up and die. I have veen awake since 3.30am. Dp is fine about it, wants another. I thought I did too but i can't believe what i have done i have ruined all our lives

VillyCazalet Sun 09-Nov-14 07:09:13

You haven't. Is DH supporting you? Have you felt like this before?

It's really frightening to feel like this. I know, but you will feel better, and soon.

Bearsinmotion Sun 09-Nov-14 07:10:24

sad Sorry to hear you feel like this OP. It's natural to have some worries (am also pg with DC2 and DC1 is 2.8) but sounds like it's much more than that. How long have you felt like this? Have you spoken to your DP?

bronya Sun 09-Nov-14 07:21:01

Just to reassure you from the other side - I have a newborn DC2. It's amazing, after all the worries, DC1 has taken to her so well. He loves having her around, is always asking where she is if he can't see her, and likes to help to look after her (bring me nappies, pick up her teddy if it falls out of the crib, hang her clothes on the airer etc). I can already see the benefits that having a sibling will bring to him. Don't despair, you will still have the relationship with your existing child that you have now, just with an extra person to love too.

slightlyconfused85 Sun 09-Nov-14 07:27:16

I've only known since thursday. Dp doesmt understand how I'm feeling I can't explain. Dd was a surprise but was fine about it, she wasnt even a particularly difficult baby. I don't know what is wrong with me I desperate not to have this baby inside me. I can't do it.

Turquoiseblue Sun 09-Nov-14 08:34:43

Couldn't read and not post. Unplanned pregnancy is such a shock. Been there. But a second dc is such a fantastic gift for a sibling and to the family. My two get on so well (DS and dd) they adore each other. Dc2 has completed our family unit and logistics of family life are no more difficult than with 1 dc.
The second birth was easier than the first - even though I was dreading it more wink, having done it before with the first you re more confident with a newborn baby yet and I found able to enjoy the moments more rather than worrying about everything.
Give your self a bit of space to get your head around it before you make any rash decisions. Be kind to yourself.

slightlyconfused85 Sun 09-Nov-14 08:51:32

Not really.unplanned though turquoise. I thought i wanted another baby and now i am pregnant i am horrified. I don't deserve another child with thoughts like this, im terrified of depression post natal or otherwise. Both children are going to suffer, money will be tight and i cant see myself ad being able to look after two. I love dd so much I don't have any spare.

SpaghettiMeatballs Sun 09-Nov-14 08:59:35

You'll love your next DC just as much believe me. Having a second DC has enriched our lives so much. Our 2.11 year old DD adores her little brother and they have a lovely relationship despite him only being 8 months.

I do sympathise though. DH found me in DD's room in the middle of the night at 38 weeks pregnant crying that I could never love the new baby as much. Then I was admitted to hospital and I said I didn't want the baby anymore because by being in hospital I couldn't be with DD.

All forgotten the minute I saw him and the confirmed the moment I saw DD see DS for the very first time.

Focus on the positives and not the hard work. It isn't double the work or cost to have two.

Didyouevah Sun 09-Nov-14 17:50:37

Sympathies op. I'm feeling very wobbly about this pregnancy. I'm hoping it's just the hormones as it's irrational for me to feel so down.

Turquoiseblue Sun 09-Nov-14 19:45:22

Sorry Op mis read.blush.
Your fears are perfectly natural. I remember wondering how I could love another child like I did dc1. A friend told me your heart just grows more and there s always room. I was worried I wouldn't bond and that having another baby would mean our lives and finances would be massively curtailed - but one really does learn to 'cut your cloth to measure ' as my nan would say. (Hope that doesn't sound condenscending) and of course you deserve to be a mum and have another baby.
What s your worst fear and biggest dread?
If it s PND woyld you chat to the GP about it so you can be linked in with the mental health nurse at your maternity unit when you book.

VillyCazalet Mon 10-Nov-14 10:11:33

You must speak to your GP or health visitor. You need a bit of support to help you feel better. You can and will feel better with help.

slightlyconfused85 Wed 19-Nov-14 11:48:30

Thanks so much for all this support. I have managed to calm down, talked to a GP and a pregnancy councillor and am in a better place continuing with my pregnancy. My DP is really excited which helps, and I am beginning to see what will be nice about 2. A long way to go before excited happens, if ever, but in a better place. Thanks mums betters for your wise words

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