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Just found out I'm pregnant, and can't stop crying - don't know what to do

(7 Posts)
Kellyjjones6 Wed 03-Sep-14 23:29:00

Hi, thought it might help me to speak to other people who may have been through something similar.

I found out I was pregnant 2 days ago, although subconsciously I've known for about a week. I had a termination about 6 years ago, so recognised the pregnancy symptoms.

My OH is very happy, but I am not. It is completely unplanned. Every time I think about it, I start having panic attacks and unable to stop crying. I switch between being happy, terrified, wishing it had never happened back to happy, and then I start crying again!

I've tried speaking to my OH about it, but he gets upset as (it turns out) he really wants kids (we've never really talked about it in depth). I always thought I would have kids, but it always seemed to be way into the future.

I find myself daydreaming of 'losing' the baby, or my pregnancy test being a false positive, and then I'm disgusted with myself for being so selfish. I just can't help but feel like my life is over, which I know is selfish of me. I just don't know if I'm ready for it, or even if its something I want. I have been feeling very broody just lately, even thinking of how we were going to tell friends and family when I got pregnant, but now it's actually happened it doesn't feel real. It doesn't feel like this is happening to me.

I haven't made an appointment with my gp yet, as that might make it seem too real...

Iggi999 Wed 03-Sep-14 23:36:39

I think I went into panic mode when I first got pg (despite planning it) and I remember lying in bed a lot thinking something really alien was happening to me. I was so far from being a natural mother - or so I thought, as another child later I find it perfect for me and am so glad I didn't go with my first instincts, that I didn't want children. However, I was in my 30s, in a long-term, decent relationship and with an ok income. Are you with the man you want to be with, feel you're old enough etc?

NicolaLesley123 Wed 03-Sep-14 23:42:06

Well first of all congratulations! Secondly, don't beat yourself up because your reaction is one of shock and bewilderment. I'm sure you will be thrilled when you get your head around it and you realise it is all real. Good luck x

PoseyParker Fri 05-Sep-14 21:18:13

I think that is a really normal reaction. I cried when I first got pregnant and not in a good way. I wasn't ready. I was renting a shoebox. I could barely get to work without some calamity befalling me let alone on time. You're not selfish. It's terrifying. Your life will totally change. I had a similar situation where I didn't think I wanted children and it turns out that was a deal breaker for my husband.

Can you get hold of your local midwives through your GP? I also have had an abortion and remember the counselling they offered was very good. Is there a mother you know (a relative, your mother, a friend) who you could talk to?

Every situation is different and I can't tell you what to do. What I can say is that yes, things change and yes it is hard. But I'm so glad I had my son. I love him so much sometimes I just cry at it! There was a really interesting debate on Woman's Hour a few years ago when I was going through the whole can I do this children thing and they looked a studies which showed that almost no women who had children, regardless of their pre children opinions (i.e. not wanting them, feeling unmaternal) regretted having children whereas a much higher proportion of those who chose not to did regret their decision.

I hope this is useful to you. My life couldn't be more different now, but that maternal love is amazing (even if you don't get it right away - which is also totally normal. I took a while to totally fall in love with my son). It's gets you through the toughest things.

Good luck with your decision. I'm sure it will be the right one for you.

Lost31 Mon 13-Oct-14 15:56:45

I can understand what you mean about daydreaming of losing the baby :/ Mine was planned but I am shocked at my reaction to it. It doesn't feel anything like I imagined and it's terrifying

Oklahoma405 Fri 06-Nov-15 19:18:07

I found out I am pregnant 3 days ago what what you said is exactly how I feel. EXACTLY. This will be my first child. I'm married and have always wanted kids but not right now. We were not trying.

I can't stop crying. Any time I think about it I break down and cry. Multiple times in a day. I have those same thoughts and then I hate myself for them but I can't stop them from happening. I also can't help feel like my life is over. My husband doesn't seem to get it. I find myself sad, upset and mad (mad at him too). He tells me it will be okay, and I know it will too. But when I express to him how I am feeling, he thinks I'm being immature and I just need to accept it.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to have these thoughts and feeling my whole pregnancy but I can't imagine myself because happy about this. I hope you read this and respond on how your situation turned out. I feel so alone, like no one around my can relate. I feel like my husband is upset that I'm so upset about having a baby. He has already accepted it and is excited.

I really just don't know what to do and I don't want to feel crazy and depressed.

mellowyellow1 Mon 09-Nov-15 10:15:07

Oklahoma405 Give yourself some time to adjust to being pregnant, your hormones will be going mental at the moment. If you read a few threads on here you'll find it's quite a normal reaction not to be excited.

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