Hello mums,
I am a first time mum, had my DD 7 weeks ago, and am really struggling. I have had anxiety and depression for about 10 years but it has been kept quite stable over the past few years.
The day after I had my DD (I was still in hospital) i had a bit of a meltdown where i was crying and shaking and screaming and couldnt stop. I was referred to the perinatal mental health care team, however it took 6 weeks for them to contact me after i kept calling them.
Im seeing someone once a month and am on a higher dose of tablets but im really struggling. I can talk to my family and husband about this but they dont seem to understand what its like waking up everyday petrified about what this day holds. I shake everytime I hear DD crying or stirring as i know i will have to pick her up and spend time with her.
On top of everything I had quite a long and difficult labour and 7 weeks on am still in some discomfort and i feel like everytime i look at my DD i blame her for my pain and discomfort.
I know deep down it wasnt her fault, and i think it stems from the fact that I fell pregnant whilst on pill, and i hated being pregnant.
I have friends and family that have got newborns and seeing them happy makes me hate myself.
I have often felt at times that I dont want to be here and that I wish that I had died when I had her that day.
I have spoken to therapists and GP and am getting help albeit it is such a long time between appointments and its just not helping me at the moment.
Any advice, comments would be so much appreciated. Sorry for the long post ladies. xxx
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4 replies
Kamber85 · 24/02/2014 12:36
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