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Not coping, what do I do now? Is this PND?

(10 Posts)
OhGood Wed 01-Jan-14 11:11:22

I feel like I am a crashed computer. I have just stopped. Could cope until before Christmas and now I have just run out, no reserves left. DH goes back to work tomorrow and I am terrified of being alone with the kids (dd 3, ds 6mo).

Incapable of making decisions, in a mental fog, can't think, tearful, exhausted, have terrible thoughts about myself, crazy-lady mood swings, feelings of rage.

Snappy with poor DD, then guilty. In despair that am wasting mat leave which should be enjoying with beautiful children. Very afraid I have made wrong decisions of childcare.

Feel totally burningly humiliated by this. What's happened to me? Why can't I do it? Everyone else can.

Is this PND? What do I do now?

Thank you - sorry.

It does sound like PND yes, but the good thing is, you are recognising it.

First, stop being so hard on yourself. Having a baby is a huge trauma to our bodies, and it takes a while for the hormones to return to normal. And, as if that's not enough, parenting is really hard and sleepless nights can really catch up. So please stop blaming yourself or feeling embarrassed.

Make an appointment with your GP and tell them what you have written here. Or even your HV if that's easier. The important thing is, you tell someone so they can help you feel better, there's no shame in it at all.

violator Wed 01-Jan-14 19:18:35

You asked "Why can't I do it? Everyone else can."
Here's the truth - They can't!

None of us has any idea what's really going on behind the scenes in anyone else's life. Among the things I learned during my PND was that perfectionists are more prone to it (and I was the ultimate Type A personality) and that many, many women are in the same boat, and they just don't talk about it.

I thought I was the "last person in the world" to get PND, excelled at everything, ran a business, had no history of anxiety or depression yet it hit me like a freight train. Depression respects no reputation.

There is help out there and the sooner you get it the sooner you feel more like your old self. Make an appointment to see a GP or HV, and get some counselling organised as soon as possible. I promise you this is far, far more common than most people ever realise, but you can and will be back to yourself.

OhGood Wed 01-Jan-14 20:20:16

Thank you both so much for responses.

Sencho Sat 04-Jan-14 22:34:32

Just sending you best wishes and to say I hope things improve. I'm sure many other new mothers hide a lot of their doubts and anxieties. Good luck x

AtrociousCircumstance Sun 05-Jan-14 15:59:57

Relating to your post. I've recently had to face the fact that I have pnd. Didn't want to but now I've accepted it I feel a sense of relief.

Am awaiting the beginning of a course of counselling and a weekly pnd support group.

Also have been prescribed sertraline (anti-depressant) but am unsure whether to take it or not, partly because I cosleep with DS.

OhGood Mon 06-Jan-14 14:23:44

atrocious sorry to hear it but well done on diagnosis. My view is very much take the anti-depressants and if you don't you must alert your GP. What's the danger with co-sleeping? Do they affect your sleep?

I have had chat with my GP who says she thinks I am describing sleep deprivation not PND. DS wakes every hour or two and has done since birth, so I am indeed very tired.

She says sort his sleep (easier said than done obviously) and come back and see her in 3 weeks. Am considering how to sort sleep - I agree with her it does have to improve. Is affecting whole family.

AtrociousCircumstance Mon 06-Jan-14 21:38:42

Hmm interesting OhGood - re sleep deprivation. My DS2 (four months) wakes ten times a night and until recently I put my feelings down to that. But then I had to deal with a horrendous work problem (had to raise formal grievance for pregnancy discrimination a month ago - now resolved) and it just broke me.

So I feel my PND is 70% sleep deprivation and 30% otherwise. I guess I think it's no sleep plus difficult life stuff. But whatever comprises it's causes I need to throw all I can at it.....

I have come round to the idea of the anti-depressants but I hear that they can make you a heavier sleeper which would not work whilst co sleeping.

How do you manage all the wakings, do you co sleep too?

Love the GP saying come back in three weeks when sleep is sorted! Very blasé! How do you feel about sleep training? We'll do some when ds2 is a bit older.

OhGood Tue 07-Jan-14 19:42:28

Awful. Well done for not letting them get away with it. Makes me so furious.

I am OK with the idea of sleep training in principle, but totally incapable in practice. We are just trying to gently get him into cot, into a routine etc. He can't settle himself, which is part of the issue.

DH is thank God v supportive and shares the wakings burden, but God it's hell. Might have to woman up and be more proactive with DS but will only be in a month or so when he is well onto solids.

Have you tried sleep training before?

I am a very relieved that GP thinks its not PND.

AtrociousCircumstance Tue 07-Jan-14 21:19:06

We did sleep training with ds1 - it was like a milder CC. We left him for 30 secs, 1 min, 2 mins, 3 mins then kept going in after 3 mins. It worked brilliantly in that he was sleeping through until 5am after about four nights, and the morning after the first evening he was incredibly cheerful and relaxed.

I'd been so worried how it might impact on him but in complete truth it has had nothing but positive. We would take him in with us from 5am onwards. Also if he was unwell he'd come in with us if he needed to. Then after a few months he just went through until 7am on his own. He is now, at two, a superstar sleeper who goes to bed happily. Well he has been for ages smile

It is hard to do though, even with short increments of time!

It's really important for the whole family to get enough sleep. We'll do it with DS2 when he's older. DS1 was about six and a half/seven months.

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