Can I be honest with my health visitor?

[ScaredToBeHonest]

Since having DS 3 months ago by ELCS, my emotions are so up and down. I feel so detached from him at times. I look at him and can see that he is cute and it is nice when he smiles at me but no more than when any baby smiles me.

I cannot really say that I love him as I should. I feel awful for saying that but it is the truth. I waited to feel the rush of love that everyone talks about when having a baby but it has never come. I feel that if I was never to see him again, I wouldn't particularly miss him. I am looking after him and tending to his needs............because that is what he needs and what is expected of me.

DS cries a lot and is not a content baby, he will not be put down in a bouncy chair etc and doesn't nap at home so we spend a lot of time out and about, which gets exhausting. He tends to cry a lot at baby groups so I just feel like a failure when all the other babies are so happy and content.

I often think that going back to work would be a blessing because then I would only have to deal with him in the evenings and weekends.

My feelings are so up and down; I go from really low to OK. I don't seem to have a happy state where DS is concerned. Things seem so much brighter when I'm not with him.

When DS is crying a lot, I just can't cope - I become tearful and anxious. My DH is fantastic with him and just seems to know what to do and DS settles for him. I have dark thoughts about DS and these scare me.

The health visitor is coming to see me tomorrow for a routine visit. Part of me wants to be honest about my feelings but they are not continual and therefore I feel like a fraud, because at times I feel OK, although even when feeling OK, I am just going through the motions where DS is concerned. I am scared to be honest about how I feel and also about the dark thoughts I have, even though I understand this is quite common.

I'm scared that by being honest about how my feelings, DS will be taken away. I often think he would be better off with someone else but my DH and family would be devastated.

Sorry for such a long rambling post, I just wanted to get my thoughts down even though they are a bit jumbled.

[LittleMilla]

Hi scared

I had similar feelings with my ds1 and it felt like those first few weeks/months dragged on for-ever. Having recently had ds2 I can now look back with ds1 and think that I probably was a little depressed (I kept it all in and simply 'soldiered on').

I found that from about four months things did start to get better but it wasn't instantaneous.

If I had my time again I'd probably be more honest and get some support.

Your thoughts and feelings really are quite normal but people just don't vocalise them for fear of being branded a failure.

It's chuffing hard work and I'm sure you're doing amazingly. But it's also boring and lonely and sometimes it takes longer to 'bond' with your lo.

Please don't be too hard on yourself xxx

[IHaveSeenMyHat]

I felt like you. I really did. I looked after my DD and could see she was a lovely baby in a completely objective way, but there was no maternal connection and definitely no rush of love. I was terrified and anxious all the time.

I had PND. What you are describing sounds classic to me.

Yes, please be honest with the HV. Show her your post if you find it hard to talk.

I PROMISE you, with help (I took Citalopram) you will feel normal again.