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does this sound like pnd?

(7 Posts)
toytown Mon 21-Oct-13 23:03:40

I am currently 30weeks preg with dc3 but struggling to come to terms with feelings i had after dc2 was born

ds was 20 months and adored beyond belief but when dd arrived i just obsessed over her and pushed ds away. It was like he was a strange child. I really struggled with him. I used to cry constantly with guilt telling my husband i was a terrible mother as i'd forgotten how to love him. as time has gone on, i have rebuilt my relationship with my ds but still grieve that lost time and those feelings i had for him before dd was born.
Recently, i have wondered if this was a form of pnd. I blame the fact we moved 4hrs from family and friends just before she was born and the loneliness that led to.
We are back near family now and as i say, expecting dc3, but the closer the duedate gets the more frightened i am thst this will happen again.
Anyone had similar snd it not repeat.
Have cried fir hours over this tonight as i can't bare the thought of loosing my love for either of my dc again .
Please help

Mogz Tue 22-Oct-13 03:43:17

Here to offer hand holding and hugs if wanted.
If these thoughts are troubling you then you must go and see your GP, everyone experiences depressions of all sorts very differently, the most important thing to do is identify that there is a problem (which you seem to have done) and then seek some professional advice.
Dealing with any sort of depression is not an easy task, but once you are on your way it gets easier to keep going and making yourself healthy again. Which is what you deserve.

toytown Tue 22-Oct-13 06:58:56

sorry, can I say under no circumstances will I be speaking to any professional for help. Bad experiences in the past mean I have no trust or faith in them to act in my or my dc best interests.

Mogz Tue 22-Oct-13 07:18:00

Ok, I understand where you're coming from, but how then do you want to be helped?
As someone who has gone through some pretty awful periods of rotten mental health I know there are some god awful therapists out there but I also know that there are some absolutely golden ones. It's a matter of finding the right fit for you and not being afraid to chop and change.
Would you consider approaching something like a volunteer run group session where you could just talk things out with people in similar situations? Or are you looking more for self help?

toytown Tue 22-Oct-13 19:10:01

I'd like to know if it sounds like pnd based on other peoples' experiences. I feel like if I know that's what it was as opposed to me just 'falling temporarily out of love' with my , then I'd find it easier to deal with those feelings as something that made me ill but I've got better from rather than me just being a crap mother.

Re professionals, having been in a position where ss have threated to take my dc away before it was even born based on the word of a complete stranger who was making malicious rumours about my dh, I would never ever admit anything that would let any of them anywhere near me or my family.

Mogz Tue 22-Oct-13 19:18:24

I'm really sorry you've had that experience, it must have been horrible for you.
I've not had much exposure to PND, save knowing one lady at work who had it with her first but she described feeling generally depressed and resentful towards her baby. I think it must manifest differently in different women though, as depression of all sorts is a very personal experience. Hopefully you might find someone else on here with more experience to talk it through.
I don't believe it is because you're a crap mum though, from what you've written you obviously love your kids. Perhaps you need to find a way to give each of them some one on one time once DC3 comes along, tricky bu not impossible if your partner is about to take the littlest from you for a bit, even if its just an hour to do bath time and stories each before bed.

toytown Tue 22-Oct-13 20:33:33

thank you.
DH is working away at the moment (has been since May and I'm getting nervous he wont be based back here until after the birth).
I think your definitely right about one to one time. I'm hoping with my parents and family near by, even if dh is still working away, I'll still have support so this will be possible.
Also, as ds has started nursery school now, I'm hoping our relationship will be more relaxed (no cabin fever like last time)

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