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The worst day so far

(6 Posts)
Cupcakemummy85 Thu 26-Sep-13 19:20:40

Today my dd2 who is 7 months has cried the whole day. Nothing I did helped and it drove me to breaking point. I shouted and shushed her so badly she did the silent cry thing. My dd's cry at me all the time. I'm off citalopram now and am trying to give up bf to go on something a lot stronger (have to ask the doc ;) ) when did things get so bad?! My dh has taken over and said he is looking after the girls. When did I become such a shit mum and such a crap human being. I used to b fun and full of life, bubbly and energetic. I uses to have a great figure and always looked my best. Now I'm soft round the edges and have zero personality. I hate myself. Talking doesn't help it just makes me feel guilty.
I had PND with dd1 and missed so much until I stopped bf and now with dd2 hating every minute. My relationship has suffered so much that I'm not sure we will b together this time next week. I wouldn't be surprised if he has found someone else. I don't have much love for anything right now.
The only thing making me feel better is the two glasses of red wine I've had.
I'm sorry for the rant and I'm not sure what I'm asking for just needed to talk.

cleoowen Thu 26-Sep-13 19:27:35

I am sorry I have no advice but I have a 9 month old so know it's like when they cry all day. A hand to hold.

What about stopping breastfeeding if you feel this will help you? I felt very guilty when I stopped breastfeeding but you mentioned you got a lot better with dd1 when you stopped. So why don't you stop with dd2

cashewsmummy Thu 26-Sep-13 19:28:44

Right. Breathe..... You can and you will get through this.... You are strong and it's only a moment in you're life... You're not rubbish at some help. Please. You cannot get through this alone... I've suffered from depression in the past... I know about all the dark clouds etc but the darkest moments come before the dawn.. Never apologise and never explain. Your done great just putting all this down. Now be strong and seek help... For YOU.. Because without you you wouldn't have your beautiful girls xx

Steben Thu 26-Sep-13 19:31:54

Have no advice but please don't be so hard on yourself I have two girls of a similar age and it is bloody hard work. Not had pnd but recently have really felt on the brink and have been rougher and shoutier than I would like to be. I would stop breast feeding ASAP and maybe see if you and DH can get a night away or something? Anyway hoping things improve!

cleoowen Thu 26-Sep-13 19:33:26

Sorry pressed too early. Then perhaps you can help yourself and,feel better which in turn will have your dd if you feel calmer and happier.

How sympathetic is your dh? If he said he would like after them maybe you could try a bottle with the baby and then perhaps you could go off for some time away just for yourself or to see friends and family. This would help you get some of your own identity back and remind you that you can have fun.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to talk to your doctor? Do you have any friends/family you can talk to who are close to you or especially someone who has been through it.

I am sure your dh still loves you, you are just going through a hard time which you will come out the other side of. You've don't it before.

Ashinagai Thu 26-Sep-13 21:00:50

You poor love hmm. I have an 8 month old and take 75mg of venlafaxine/day. I had awful antenatal depression & the shrink I saw said it was ok to keep taking during pg and BFing. It's such hard work when they are crying and whining all day even without PND and I'm not surprised you are struggling. Take it from me I KNOW the Herculean effort you are making just to get out of bed in the morning so well done you. Get back to your GP and don't leave without some concrete plans/a prescription. You are ill but you will get better. Your kids will be fine and it sounds like your dp knows when he needs to take up the slack. Pm me if you want to vent more!

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