DD is 5 months old. I do love her to pieces, she's adorable. However I'm struggling. I had a history of anxiety and depression and have been through the mill the last couple of years and now I feel somewhere between nearly flat and sad. DH isn't helping. I'm not sure if its him, me or both? He says I'm a good Mum but also says stuff that I hear as critical (for example, last night DD woke in the night, I fed her, put her down and she woke back up so I had to pick up her again and go through the whole process so I said Here we go again and he's said today that he thinks my attitude might be impacting on her and making things worse and that it's not her fault. I hear this as him criticising me and saying I'm a crap Mum). She's not a good sleeper, especially in the day.
I fantasise about running away. The reason I'm posting her is I imagine leaving her behind. I think she'd be better off without me. I have tried to talk to H about it but it just seems to upset me. He implies that my low mood is basically my choice, like I enjoy if. It's a bit rich because he's been depressed since we got together!
I have a doctor's appointment Monday to discuss this. I know I have self-esteem issues (always have) they seem worse now. I guess counselling will help, it had before, maybe medication too. I just needed to let it out anonymously here (name changed but I'm a regular) and ask for support til I can get to the doctors.
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Antenatal/postnatal depression
Erm, can I have some support until Monday?
8 replies
ThisParacuteIsARucksack · 18/09/2013 15:23
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