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Depressed and scared

(13 Posts)
Malp Wed 14-Aug-13 00:45:40

Hi all

I am currently 13 wks, 5 days, and for the past few days have been caught in a spiral of depression and panic attacks. I am so scared that I have made a terrible mistake and at the moment am thinking suck bleak thoughts. I have a history of depression and have been on medication for many years but came off when we decided to start trying. There have been some ups and downs since, but nothing like the past few days. I can't sleep because every time I close my eyes I can't stop thinking about things, and although my husband is being v supportive in some ways he is one of the things I want to just run away from. I'm scared of all sorts of things about the baby - not loving it, not being able to look after it properly, not being a good mother - but at the moment I just don't even feel like I will get to that point. I don't know what I should do or who to talk to. I just know that I can't continue like this. Any words of wisdom would be so greatly appreciated.

Honeymoonmummy Wed 14-Aug-13 01:12:36

Hi Malp,

First of all, congrats on your pg smile

I'm not sure I can help much but didn't want to leave your post unanswered. I had Pnd with both dc's and so have some knowldge of your state of mind. I think you need to seek advice and consider going back on meds - I'm pretty sure there are some you can go on while PG.

Someone much more knowledgeable will come along in the morning but in the meantime, you know that you can be better on meds so just hang in there and it will all work out flowers

Malp Wed 14-Aug-13 08:02:27

Thank you Honeymoonmummy. Your post meant a lot to me last night. Am going to try to see my gp this morning. Hopefully they'll be able to help

Honeymoonmummy Wed 14-Aug-13 17:36:31

Hi Malp, did you see your gp?

Malp Wed 14-Aug-13 23:21:44

Hi Honeymoonmummy. Yes, I saw a really good doctor this morning. He put me back on medication which scares me a bit about the effect on the baby, but given how bad I was feeling and the fact that I haven't been eating or sleeping well, he was concerned that it would be worse not to take anything. He's also arranged for me to see the mental health team. I spent the afternoon with my parents and am feeling calmer. Thank you so much for thinking of me. It means a great deal xx

Honeymoonmummy Thu 15-Aug-13 20:11:41

I'm glad smile what AD is it? I'm sure others here will be able to reassure you that it's ok when pg. I was bf while on mine (sertraline - I don't think you can take when pg) and was really worried at first but I now have v healthy 2.5 and nearly 5 yo. I'm sure you know yourself they might take a few weeks to kick in, but you've made a really positive mood in recognizing the problem and doing something about it.

And don't worry about not being a good mum, the very fact that you posted what you did and are worried about the possible effects on the baby show that you're already a very caring mum smile

Malp Fri 16-Aug-13 09:26:52

It is actually sertraline. The gp said even though it wasn't necessarily the most safe, it was probably better because it is what I have taken before and we know it works. Is currently very hard but I think knowing that in a week or two that things will be better does help.

Honeymoonmummy Fri 16-Aug-13 13:15:01

Hi Malp, just found so clearly I am talking nonsense (and equally clearly, you are not alone). Hopefully if you've been on them before they might kick in a little quicker. Have you joined the MN antenatal club for your due month yet? I found that a huge source of support and advice. Also, I found pregnancy yoga a really good way to relax, might not be your thing though x

Honeymoonmummy Fri 16-Aug-13 13:15:57

Try again

Malp Sat 17-Aug-13 09:04:42

Thanks Honeymoonmummy, that was good to read. Also taking comfort from the fact that for 1st trimester I wasn't on them. Really hope they start to kick in soon though, currently finding it pretty tough and worrying about things that I'm not sure I need to be worrying about/ought to be thinking about.

Honeymoonmummy Sat 17-Aug-13 20:50:26

I kind of know that feeling, I had all sorts of irrational fears when I had Pnd. Do you talk your fears/thoughts through with anyone? I found that if I told dh what I was feeling it made it go back in perspective if you know what I mean. For example, I would worry about roof tiles coming off the house and onto DD if I left the house hmmsmile

SpecialJK Sat 17-Aug-13 21:45:17

Hi malp. Hope the ad's kick in soon. Have you thought about calling House of Light? My friends sister is using them at the moment and finding it helpful to talk to someone. I joined a local support group and just talking to other people who felt the same really helped.

And post here about how you're feeling. There will be someone who can relate to it. I too was offered sertraline and told it was the best one when bf. I know others who have taken it too with no ill effects. All of the women from my support group are so much better now, it will get better!

Honeymoonmummy Sat 24-Aug-13 23:57:14

Hi Malp, how are you getting on?

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