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I should be happy...

(7 Posts)
Nexus6 Wed 31-Jul-13 15:04:38

DD is 3 weeks old latching well and sleeping fairly well, but I'm up all night. I had a really tough pregnancy (had HG had to go into hospital etc), however the birth was really 'good' and I have family to support me but..

My husband is trying to be supportive but he just never does the right things. He has two sons from a previous relationship and his ex bf until they were 1- I dont enjoy bfing even with the correct latch. I feel pressured to bf and enjoy it because his ex did, sounds really dumb but its getting me down.

DD isn't settling with me at the moment, she has a feed and I hand her to DH- if I speak (usually to say whats wrong because I know her what her cries mean) he tells me to be quiet because "YOUR voice is making her cry" it's really frustrating when he says stuff like this because he thinks he's right about everything which, for a new mum, is really frustrating and gives me no confidence in myself. At night he sleeps whilst I tend to the baby so Im knackered by 6/7am- he just whisks DD away no offer of tea or actually caring about me (I know this sounds selfish and it's great I can get sleep but I actually would prefer some food or some love myself cause I feel so alone)

Im starting to really resent DD and DH- When he has DD Im the one that always offers things/runs round after him (getting drinks/cooking etc) he just doesnt get it. I've told him about this and he just thinks it's in my head.

I really hated being pregnant and now its really crap being a parent.

TWinklyLittleStar Wed 31-Jul-13 15:09:16

You're utterly exhausted, sleep deprived and your husband is apparently going out of his way to make you feel like shit, all at the same time as you are going through the biggest physical and lifestyle change most women will ever face. You're doing brilliantly with your baby, but under the circumstances it's no wonder you're feeling awful.

Could you go away and stay with someone actually supportive, or at least not a total arse (eg your mum) for a little bit, to get some headspace and some confidence in the fact that you are doing a great job?

Nexus6 Wed 31-Jul-13 15:17:38

yeah, I spent a day with my mum yesterday and felt way more confident/happy. I think I might say over there this week- good idea.

Bloody hell theres jut so much pressure with bf, everyone has there own agendas NCT, NHS etc.

DD is fine with bottle now so I'm going to just do a couple of ff/expressed bf just to take the strain off me a bit.

sewingandcakes Wed 31-Jul-13 15:18:13

Hi Nexus, and congratulations on becoming a mum. I understand the lonely feelings and lack of confidence, this was how I felt with my first child. Your dh sounds very unsupportive, he shouldn't be making you feel like that, you need to be looked after and told how well you are doing.

Don't compare yourself (and don't let him compare you) to his ex; you are unique and so is your baby. It's very early days yet, and breast feeding can be hard to get going/enjoy. Have you met your health visitor yet? If you feel able to discuss these things with her she'll be able to advise you.

Remember that this is your baby, and you are finding your way with her. Bonding and love doesn't always happen instantly. You've done the right thing in sharing your feelings.

PurplePidjin Wed 31-Jul-13 15:23:01

Supportive? Really? It sounds like he's undermining you and not really being that helpful tbh!

Taking your baby off you is not helpful. Nor is preventing you from resting and denying you food and drink - i assume you're still at the stage of feeds taking hours?

When you finish feeding, snuggle her close for some skin to skin. Be explicit in your needs "if you want to help, you could fetch me a cup of tea" with a hmm face. Do not run round after him when he's got the baby, you need to rest to heal.

I got fed up feeding ds in the early days, it feels like such a waste of time, but actually you're doing the most important job there is - keeping another human being alive. I wouldn't say it's my most fun pastime now at 8 months but it's a fuck of a lot easier and quicker now!

RatherUninspired Wed 31-Jul-13 17:52:28

Don't let yourself be compared to others. The way he speaks to you is ridic... you don't deserve that. The title of your posts really makes me think. To me it should be more... 'why should you be happy?' sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate and your partner is putting expectations on you (from past relationship) and putting you down (undermining) so I think many women in your situation would really struggle to be happy.

Your DH sounds really bloody annoying. Ready and willing to tell you how things are done and how you are messing up (really helpful...not) - those sort of people really make me go grrrrrr (even more so late on in pregnancy but to be honest a lot of people are making me go grrr at the moment)

Try not to beat yourself up for not feeling the way you should or are being told, easier said than done, believe me I know.

Hopefully this hard period will pass.

Nexus6 Thu 01-Aug-13 11:11:39

well, things are getting better.

I expressed last night and made a bottle of ff. I got him to do the 2/3am shift haha. Feel so much better today as I had 5 hours sleep (!) amazing.

I have to admit the ff worked miracles, this baby is so bloody hungry when she feeds and she often cries at the breast- the ff actually filled her and she's less grouchy/gassy today.

I think mixing the ff with bf is really suiting her...........

Regarding DH- I snapped last night and properly spoke my mind, he didnt even realise he did those things (uggggghh men are so ridiculous sometimes!) I think one of the hardest things about becoming a parent is readjusting your relationship.

Thank you for the support guys! needed a moan.

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