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Prenatal depresssion (I think) & I just feel so alone

(9 Posts)
Frogcatcher Tue 30-Jul-13 13:22:07

I'm 16 wks pg with my first baby (at almost 37) & am really struggling at the moment. I'm either short-tempered & snapping all the time or I'm in floods of tears. I've had a really easy pregnancy so far with no actual sickness & am physically in very good shape but have just been so incredibly moody & tearful. DP is at the end of his tether. Anyone else been there & have anything useful to share? It doesn't help that I took redundancy in June & finding a new job is proving hard. We're also trying to move house & just got gazumped so I know that any one of those would be bad enough without being pg as well. I just feel so isolated & have no one to talk to about this.

belle1992 Tue 30-Jul-13 13:45:31

Hi I've been there! Theres nothing worse than feeling alone, it's such an incredibly difficult time there's not really any solution, you're going through huge changes in your body and preparing for a huge change in your life! Your hormones are going crazy and your partner has no way of relating to what you're dealing with. When you're in a good mood try talking to him and remind him that you love him and remember you wont feel this way for ever even if you feel like you will. I had a really difficult pregnancy, sickness until 20 weeks then IBS pain and fainting every day, I had no family near by and my ex partner was more than useless. I felt really low throughout and felt like I'd never be happy and normal again. All I can suggest is try and get out there go to groups, do some volunteering just keep yourself busy and talking to people. I sometimes didn't leave the house for a couple of weeks which really couldn't have helped how I was feeling! Hope you feel better soon I'm sure you will! x

Frogcatcher Tue 30-Jul-13 14:08:15

Thanks Belle. I know it will end but right now I just see another 5 months of misery. It sounds like you had a terrible time and I just feel so guilty as I'm otherwise breezing through so have no physical reason to feel so bad. I don't have any friends locally as I moved to a new area a couple of years ago and have just never managed to make any with nothing to really meet people through & I used to work long hours in my job. DP tries but just doesn't get it especially as his ex never showed any emotion or symptom throughout her pregnancy & he just gets so angry with me all the time when I get irritated with his son & snap at him & we have huge rows about it. I try to get out & I think one reason I feel so bad today is that my pilates teacher cancelled my class. A small thing but it got me out the house & I had to at least pretend to be ok for an hour.

belle1992 Tue 30-Jul-13 18:00:54

I was the same didn't have any friends near me but see if there's any groups for pregnant ladies , since having my daughter I've built up a great social life just from going to regular groups and I wish I'd started while I was pregnant. Even though you mightt be snappy and moody your partner really should try harder to be more understanding. His ex was very lucky and he should know that most women do get very emotional and difficult to be around ! Pilates is great I do that too smile But really do try to get out as much as possible that's all I can suggest. Where do you live? Is there much going on?

RatherUninspired Tue 30-Jul-13 18:11:28

Hi frog catcher, sorry to hear your going through a hard time. I don't have much advice for you but I can really relate to your post. I am also pregnant with baby number 1 (due v soon!) and really struggled emotionally despite not having any physical symptoms. I felt guilty often as I had and am still having a fairly easy pregnancy physically but not at all emotionally. I too don't have many friends in my area and get really frustrated with my DH Sometimes who I just feel doesn't 'get it'. I feel doubly guilty that we broke up only a short while before my pregnancy (my choice) and that put him through a lot so I feel like I don't really deserve much support from anyway given the circumstances. With the other things going on in your life no wonder you are finding things hard. Although I had/still have a job (have been on mat leave for almost 10 weeks though!) I was really miserable in it and was desperately looking fora new job but decided to leave the job hunt when I found out I was pregnant I felt so alone and stuck at work and suffered with work stress a lot so went off mat leave early. Probably doesn't help with the loneliness but i do kinda feel grateful that at least I'm not back there getting bogged under with work. I joined an nct class and yoga which might have helped a little altho I am so irritated (Even now) with everyone that I just don't seem to be able I relate to anyone. I'm not sure if this is something u feel but I feel unable to show these irritable and 'unmotherly' feelings to anyone so jut put up a front that I'm fine all the time. This also makes me not want to see anyone as its a struggle. I really think there is a lot of expectation on pregnant women to feel and behave a certain way (overjoyed) and we feel guilty for not feeling tht way. I haven't come up with a solution for this but just wanted to write so you hopefully can know your not the only one feeling like you do. X

Nexus6 Wed 31-Jul-13 15:11:42

It's a really tough time and really lonely hugs

I quit my job the day before finding out I was PG! lol. I know how it feels- mumsnet is great but maybe look for PG support groups or maybe yoga sessions etc so you can meet some people.

Dont feel guilty that you're not having the physical issues relating to PG/or feeling low I think depression is sometimes worse because you cant just have a pill and it goes away it's really complex.

I found hypnobirthing helped me feel more confident about being pregnant and we met some lovely couples- maybe this could work for you?

Littleen Wed 31-Jul-13 22:49:26

Wish I could advice, but I have the same thing. Insanely hormonal - either in a total rage or crying my eyes out. Used to self harm in the past (when I was a teenager, got some issues), and for some reason it suddenly is extremely hard to not do that again. Completely do not understand it, at all. I feel like a hormonal teenager, and am 25!
Let me know if you find anything that helps!! x

Frogcatcher Mon 05-Aug-13 12:07:25

Thanks everyone for your kind words, suggestions and letting me know I'm not alone in this. DP and I went away to Brighton last week for a couple of days and it was lovely. I felt normal & he was kind & loving but now I just feel down again. We just argue all the time about his DS & how I behave towards him. One more for the step parenting forum but its not helping me right now.

belle I live in Hampshire near Southampton so whilst not back of beyond I do know that if I still lived in London there would be so much more to do not least at least 3 friends currently on maternity leave. I'm travelling up to see two on thurs but not sure I'm feeling brave enough to tell them how I'm really feeling.

There is one local NCT yoga class so will try & join. I've also considered the hypnobirthing but like our NCT classes I don't think that would start till much later (NCT is Nov).

I have made an appointment with Relate for an initial consultation tonight to see if counselling will help me deal with DP & being a 'step-mum' but I don't know if DP will come if they want to see him too. I know that this won't make all my issues go away but it is a major one right now.

Nexus6 Mon 05-Aug-13 22:35:32

Oh crap.. Step parenting.. I'm technically a step mum. The ex is such a crazy horrid bitch though that I haven't properly met the two boys. The ex stalks my blog/twitter goes on her sons Facebook to look at mine etc i got really upset by it but I went to a councillor and with some cbt work I stopped getting in such a state about it. Basically I highly recommend it, if you get the right person it really helps unlock those issues that could affect your future relationship with baby and will help you with dh.

You should t have to go with dh, I did it without my dh and I think that was better. You need to talk about many issues which may not seem relevant to your situation now but are the underlying cause of things now.

Look for a cbt trained therapist, most are nowadays. It's training you to think differently etc VHS recommend it and they have a fair amount if info on their site.

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