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Prob PND but don't see point in telling anyone

(20 Posts)
ThreeWheelsGood Tue 26-Feb-13 09:07:43

Just that really. First baby, 4 mo, can't shake my constant sadness, anxiety, loneliness, feelings of hopelessness. I can't get my head around being a mum even though I wanted it (I feel like if I tell friends I'm not coping very well they'll wonder why I went ahead and had the baby). My partner is wonderfully supportive, he recognises I'm depressed. I can't see myself ever having the energy to be a good mum, the mum our child deserves. Once I'm no longer needed for breastfeeding in future I feel like he should just run away with her (that sounds crazy doesn't it?)

I don't want to tell my GP/HV as I don't want the attention, I don't want to take antidepressants (BF ing and took them as teenager, didn't like numbing effect), don't see the point in therapy as I talk to my partner. But I feel a bit stuck, I can't imagine ever feeling better. Help?

dinkystinky Tue 26-Feb-13 09:11:40

Ok - its good that you've acknowledged that the way you are feeling isnt the way you want to feel and wonderful you have a supportive partner. You also acknowledge things need to change - but you need help to get these changes underway and your GP really is the best first port of call. You are tired, stressed and exhausted - the help is available so please, please,please (for you, your DP and your baby) take it.

I understand you dont want to take antidepressants - but they have changed massively since you were a teenager and the right pills wont make you feel numb. Talk to the GP about your concerns. An alternative (if you are BFing) is counsellor based therapy -it is good to talk it out with an entirely impartial third party. My sister suffered terribly from depression - she is now managing it entirely with Counsellor based therapy and holistic lifestyle changes.

memphis83 Tue 26-Feb-13 09:18:34

Please talk to a gp, I also had anti d's as a teen but tey gave me some more for anxiety.
I was where you are, supportive family, well behaved baby, wanted to run away but unlike you I wanted to leave ds, I asked dp to leave wit him and never bring him back as he would feel my 'crazy vibes' I asked the doctor to take ds until dp got home from work.
It got to the point that I felt I wanted to be dead as it would be easier for everyone.
Looking back and thinking about it I feel like I am watching myself on a tv and that person doesn't feel like it was me.
My doctor was amazingly supportive and my hv put me in touch with a Home Start support group for ladies wit PND. I felt a bit better as soon as I realised it effects all different women and I wasn't alone.
You will get through this if you talk to someone. And you will have the energy to carry on being an amazing Mum, you already are doing so well.

ThreeWheelsGood Tue 26-Feb-13 09:44:00

I'm just concerned the person I choose to tell eg GP won't be supportive and might treat me like a child... Not sure why I feel like this! Really can't see myself ever feeling better though.

ThreeWheelsGood Tue 26-Feb-13 09:44:39

Thank you both for your replies. I know you're right about getting help.

dinkystinky Tue 26-Feb-13 09:53:46

You will get better ThreeWheels. I promise.

Depression - whatever the trigger - is so so common. Do you have a favourite GP or HV who you connect with? If so, that should be the person you speak to first. Have DP with you if you think it will help.

Fairylea Tue 26-Feb-13 09:57:27

I felt exactly like this with my first. I used tI get my mum to babysit so I could go round Tesco and I used to spend hours out as I didnt want to go back home. It was awful.

Things improved when I spoke to my gp and started counselling and antidepressants. It took me about 6 months to really feel well and I wish I'd got help sooner.

Please get some help.

memphis83 Tue 26-Feb-13 10:17:18

I echo that you WILL feel better. I went to a female doctor thinking I would feel better talking to woman and played down how I felt then made an appointment with my usual male doctor, he knew me and recognised what was wrong. Just go to the doctor you feel most comfortable with.

sleepyhead Tue 26-Feb-13 10:22:32

"I'm just concerned the person I choose to tell eg GP won't be supportive and might treat me like a child... Not sure why I feel like this! Really can't see myself ever feeling better though."

You feel like this because you've got PND (probably)
You can't see yourself ever feeling better because you've got PND (probably).

These are symptoms. In this situation listening to yourself and your gut feelings, unlike normal, isn't helpful because the illness distorts your gut feelings. Can you read what you've written as if it was a friend speaking to you and then follow the advice you would give a friend? If it were my friend I'd be advising her to speak to her HV/GP x

You might find it helpful to write down something for the GP to read, even just a list of bullet points if you think you'll find it hard to articulate your worries about antidepressents etc when you have your appointment.

You deserve to feel better and talking to someone is the first step. Good luck smile

ThreeWheelsGood Wed 27-Feb-13 09:03:23

I'm thinking of telling my HV next time I go to get the baby weighed, is this a good idea? Means I don't have to book a special appointment. But will the HV just tell me to speak to GP?

dinkystinky Wed 27-Feb-13 14:35:11

Baby clinics can get quite busy ThreeWheels and your HV may not have time to talk to you properly. If you have a number for the HV, I'd call in advance to see if then is a good time to talk or if you can arrange another time.

ThreeWheelsGood Wed 27-Feb-13 17:31:07

Thanks dinky, good idea.

ethansmummy2012 Tue 05-Mar-13 22:16:32

I went through the same thing with my DS, who will be one on Mothers Day. I was suicidal amd was having the darkest thoughts. I too planned my baby and when he arrived I waited for the "instant love" to start, which it didn't.

I talked to my husband and my best friend who had gone through PND too, I went to see my GP and she explained that the PND was down to my long labour and the pain from the emergency c-section.

You probably don't want to hear that everything will be ok eventually but they will. I would highly recommend speaking to your GP.

Your baby doesn't need a better mummy, just you need to get better. xx smile smile

ThreeWheelsGood Wed 06-Mar-13 17:38:05

update: GP said it's not postnatal depression because I scored 14 in the Edinburgh Postnatal Screening Test and I'm so bonded with baby (i was holding her as she wouldn't lie quietly in her pram). Referred to counselling though, have an assessment interview next week. I'm a bit confused, I think I am depressed, I've been feeling really low all day and just want DD to sleep so I don't have to do anything. That's awful isn't it? Anyway, I've taken lots of steps forward by telling the GP.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Wed 06-Mar-13 17:45:03

ThreeWheels, huge kudos to you for taking that step. Really very well done.

That Edinburgh test is not a diagnostic tool. It's only a screening test. I scored really quite high on it too and had awful awful PND. Like other posters, I wanted to run away or die ALL THE TIME because DD1 would have been better off without me.

A combination of counselling and anti-depressants helped me. It was hard to stop breastfeeding so suddenly but I knew I had to do something about all the anxiety, suicidal thoughts and not sleeping. The thought that DD needed me actually ended up helping me towards the end of my really bad phase, but at the beginning it just scared the living shit out of me.

Post natal depression gets better. It really does. <extends hand for holding, if you want>

memphis83 Wed 06-Mar-13 17:54:58

Well done for talking to the gp. Its a huge step. As I said up thread I spoke to more than one doc as I got brushed off. I spoke to the first doctor and got told all women feel like me. I then called hv and she made an appointment to see her then reffered me for group councelling and told me to see a different doctor for tablets.
I didn't feel disconnected From ds at all, my big fear was I wasn't good enough and put a lot of pressure on myself.

Snowfedup Thu 07-Mar-13 18:55:16

Have you any

Snowfedup Thu 07-Mar-13 19:01:50

Sorry hit post by accident. Have you any plans to return to work ? I was lucky to return part time at 9 months and I loved the balance of work and home (adult conversation and uninterrupted lunch and coffee a few days and fun at home with ds other days) it was only then that I felt back to myself again.

ThreeWheelsGood Thu 07-Mar-13 19:17:56

I'm starting to think that might be worth thinking about, snowfedup. I feel a bit resentful of DH going out to work and getting a "break".

Snowfedup Thu 07-Mar-13 20:11:17

Even just to think that it's there in the future is cheering me up at the minute (ds2 11weeks) I find the baby stage hard but knowing it doesn't last forever keeps me going - I have to admit I love it once they are walking and talking etc...

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