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please can somebody help me?

(12 Posts)
flotoller Thu 07-Feb-13 21:37:02

My first child is just over 5 months old, my partner and i live in different countries with 2 more years of separation and today he told me that he thinks i have pnd. I'm really struggling with daily life, i have no motivation to go out and do anything, i don't want to see anyone and when i do i don't want to talk to them. I feel like i am constantly on the verge of tears and i am finding being a mother increasingly more difficult. I haven't actually written or spoken about how I'm feeling until now because i feel so guilty about doing so, incase someone thinks I'm just doing it for attention. I just feel so awful and wouldn't have done this if my partner hadn't said anything. My mood is putting a huge strain on our relationship too, i'm never satisfied with anything that he does and to be perfectly honest i don't feel happy with anything in my life. And I've lost any motivation to think and plan for our future. Please somebody help me.

phantomnamechanger Thu 07-Feb-13 21:41:14

sweetheart, pnd is very common and nothing to be ashamed about. Go to the Dr tomorrow, do not take no for an answer from a receptionist. Talk to them, tell them just how low you are feeling - help is available, and it will get better. You are adjusting to a massive lifestyle change and your hormones are to pot - its no wonder it all feels too much! do you have friends and family you can talk to and to help out while DP is away for so much time?

phantomnamechanger Thu 07-Feb-13 21:41:37

do you get any "you" time away from the baby?

mousebacon Thu 07-Feb-13 21:41:39

Which country do you live in?

VisualiseAHorse Thu 07-Feb-13 21:43:12

You are not awful in any way. There is no need to feel guilty, many women suffer from PND (and in fact, many people suffer from 'normal' depression as well). I am recovering from PND, and you will get through this with the right help.

First thing you need to do - call your GP and get an appointment to see them. They will be able to help you.

How is your baby doing? What is it about being a mother that you are finding difficult?

flotoller Thu 07-Feb-13 21:45:09

I live in England and my partner in Germany. No i haven't had any me time unless a bath when babys in bed counts. I'm too scared to leave him, even with my family.

flotoller Thu 07-Feb-13 21:48:13

My baby is fine, he doesn't sleep very well and he's very needy but other than that there's nothing wrong with him. I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I often find my mind wondering what my life would be like if i wasn't a mum, which makes me feel terrible because i love my son more than anything.

thunksheadontable Thu 07-Feb-13 21:48:18

I would be knackered beyond belief in your situation. You are feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and depleted. I think that can be called PND but I think the label doesn't change the fact that you have no time to restore or revive yourself and you are doing a tough job. Do you have any support around you?

Bearandcub Thu 07-Feb-13 21:50:00

From your OP I would say it all sounds very similar to my experience of PND. Speak with your GP tomorrow and talk about how you are feeling they will be able to support your emotional health and ask for the HV to visit to discuss practical support options for you both ie Homestart, Wel-care, Children Centres, etc.

tilder Thu 07-Feb-13 21:50:51

Pnd is awful. Made the whole parent guilt trip even worse.

Go talk to your gp. If the first one you see is unsympathetic, go see a different one. Mine was brilliant. I sobbed all over the place and he really sorted me out. Pnd is more common than generally appreciated but is treatable. I had pills and counseling and it really worked.

Scootee Thu 07-Feb-13 21:58:33

You are knackered. My mum who had v bad pond says that there is a brain chemical which your body is incapable making when you are always very sleep deprived. I wouldn't necessarily say you had pnd from what you have written (although you may do), I would say that you should see how you feel when you have sufficient sleep and some time for yourself. I know leaving a baby is not ok for some people (me included) so in that case, would it be possible for a family member to look after the baby whilst you are in the house? Or help in some other way/provide adult interaction?

thunksheadontable Thu 07-Feb-13 22:20:54

Esp if a bad sleeper. You need a nap in the day etc. My first was like this and it was torture even with Dh on hand. My nerves were rattled as he was so unpredictable and would scream for ages at the drop of a hat. I felt a lot of what you feel but I don't think it was PND. I had perinatal OCD and moderate to severe depression this time and it felt very different. Ds 2 was and is a dream baby but I was spaced, jittery, felt empty and completely lacking in hope, enthusiasm or motivation. Spent every day my older son was in nursery just lying in bed trying to do therapy exercises, couldn't eat or sleep etc. It just felt like a black fog. You may well have PND but I agree it is hard to tell.when you are having such a tough time and feel so isolated.. babyshock can feel very like PND. The important thing is to get rest and support asap and if that doesn't do the trick you might need meds. I would go to GP anyway to get on waiting list for counselling x

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