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am feeling so miserable

(66 Posts)
Lizlette Mon 07-Jan-13 12:07:28

First time poster, long time lurker so please be gentle, and I apologize if I break any rules.

As a background, I have a much wanted 7 week old daughter and a wonderful husband who is more than pulling his weight and holding down a full time job.

I feel like crying most of the day as I can t cope with the change to my life, I knew things would change, but honestly, if I'd known things would belike this, I ddon't know if I'd have had a baby. I then feel awful thinking this and am terrified that I've jinxed her and that something will happen to her to teach me a lesson.

I can't cope with her crying as I feel that she's unhappy with me as a crap mum.

I'm pretty lucky as my husbandis amazing, and my baby feeds on a nice 3 hrs routine without us trying and she'll often go 6 hrs overnight..

Dr has started me on anti depressents and I'm going to start seeing a counseller but I can't see any point in the future where I won't feel like this.

I'm fed up of sitting on the sofa crying and not being the wife and mummy that my wonderful family deserve.

Thank you to anyone who has made it to the end of my self indulgent waffle, and hand holding to anyone else on the and/pnd forum who feels as rough as I do

saycheeeeeese Sun 10-Feb-13 22:56:10

Hi OP sorry to gate crash your thread, just wanted to say I was where you are 17 months ago.

I made it through and I promise it gets better, sometimes I will still have the very odd bad day but I will never forget walking, in my pajamas, sobbing my heart out through the village while eating a bag of McCoy's because my baby wouldn't stop feeding/crying for 5 mins for me to eat something decent. I was so desperate.

I spent the first 5 months of dds life regretting our decision to have a baby, now I can genuinely and happily say I could never go back to life without her.

Just wanted to offer some support and reassurance, having a baby was a mega shock to my world, PND nearly took the joy from my life but I made it through, so will you all.

Lizlette Sun 10-Feb-13 22:47:21

hi, hope everyone's doing ok. we've had an ok couple of weeks, and my dr has got me on some cbt counselling which is helping.

sorry that I dropped off the radar, the internet died so I've been unable to get on MN


Whatnameforme Mon 21-Jan-13 22:25:38

Hi liz, sorry for no postings, it's been a bad few days. I hope your ok. Glad the walk did you good!

Lizlette Thu 17-Jan-13 07:31:18

the walk yesterday morning was a really good idea, definitely felt better by the time I got back, and it put dd to sleep so she was in a better mood and the cold is on it's way out grin

it also feels as though the antidepressants are starting to kick in.

hope everyone else is having a good week and avoiding all the winter bugs that are out there. x

Whatnameforme Wed 16-Jan-13 09:43:03

Luckily I've never had nipple thrush, so I don't know but I can imagine its not pleasant at all!
Enjoy it while you can, having just had a baby is one of the few times you have an excuse to have a few extra pounds, don't worry it will soon come off.
A walk is a great idea, I'm off to do the same. It's worth it once your out! Have a good day

Lizlette Wed 16-Jan-13 07:58:35

Urgh, it never rains but it pours, I've now got nipple thrush so feeds are now unpleasant for both of us. Am feeling sorry for myself and dd so getting through so much chocolate so no chance of losing the baby weight any time soon.

Think I'm going to have to force myself to wrap us both up warm and go for a walk otherwise I can see today descending into sobbing on the sofa

Whatnameforme Tue 15-Jan-13 10:03:11

Ah poor little thing. You can get some decongestant rings that fit around the bottle and drops that are ok for newborns from boots. Put a couple of drops in a bowl of hot water in the same room.
Also it might help her sleep at night if you prop the head end of her cot up, a couple of books do the trick.
I always found the saline drops horrible as well.
I hope you are feeling ok too.

Lizlette Tue 15-Jan-13 07:46:39

how did everyone's Monday turn out in the end?

My poor daughter's so uncomfortable, and coz she's all blocked up she can't breathe and feed at the same time, so she's using so much energy to suck, then breathe, then suck, then breathe that she's falling asleep after about 15 minutes feed, then waking up half hour later because she's still hungry because she's had less than half her usual feed sad

got some saline drops from the chemist which she absolutely hates, and I don't know if they're doing her any good to make it worth the torment of getting them up her nose.

anyone have any tips for de-snotting an 8 week old, or making her more comfortable while she fights this?

Whatnameforme Mon 14-Jan-13 23:04:14

It's horrible when they are ill, it does make you feel a bit useless and there is very little you can give them. Poor little things. My day wasn't bad. Out and about lots today. We shall see what tomorrow brings... smile

Mummykindnessrachel Mon 14-Jan-13 16:09:17

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Lizlette Mon 14-Jan-13 12:36:54

Did have few good days, not so good today as poor baby is full of a cold which has made her really miserable and I feel terrible that I can't make it better for her sad , poor little mite.

Whatnameforme Mon 14-Jan-13 11:59:38

Hi liz, you sound really positive smile, glad you've had a great few days!
Hi blushing, sorry you've had a rough day or so. Speak to your Gp, I'm sure they will be able to give you some good advice. From what liz says, if you get any side effects it might be a good idea to have some plans in place to cope with it. Maybe some outings with baby or something just for you? Hope you are both having a good day today, I'm off to learn baby CPR?!! Anything to get out of the house. I have been jogging this morning as well! wink

Lizlette Sun 13-Jan-13 23:23:35

Glad it's been a good weekend whatname smile , hope the nct meeting goes well.

Lizlette Sun 13-Jan-13 23:22:40

hi blushing, sorry you've not had a great couple of days.

the ad's that I waas given are sertraline 50mg which are fine for breastfeeding mums. I was told that they can take 4-6 weeks to get to maximum effectiveness, and that you can feel worse for the first couple of weeks while your body gets used to them,

like all drugs, there is a massive list of side effects listed in the leaflet in the box, but the ones that I got were a couple of days of no appetite and being really really tired, and about 4 or 5 days of a dodgy tummy. Everything seems to have settled down now as far as I can tell.

I hated that I needed to take tablets to cope, but my dr pointed out that if, for example, I had high blood pressure, I wouldn't feel bad about taking tablets to help my body cope, so why did i feel bad about taking tablets to help my mind cope with low mood? It made a lot of sense when she put it like that.

Hope that you have a good day tomorrow and that you feel better. thanks thanks

theblushingpeony Sun 13-Jan-13 17:50:51

Hey, good to hear you guys have been having good days! smile I'm feeling really down today, possibly because I haven't left the house. I just feel so trapped, hopeless and anxious. sad Considering on asking my GP for some antidepressants - can anyone give me some advice; which ones can I take while breastfeeding, how do they make you feel and what are the side effects?

Whatnameforme Sun 13-Jan-13 16:59:58

Hey all, taken the little ones swimming this morning. Not too bad this weekend. I've got my first nct meeting next week.

Lizlette Sat 12-Jan-13 22:30:26

pretty good day here, hope it's been good for everyone else smile smile

Whatnameforme Fri 11-Jan-13 22:44:30

Hope everyone has had a good day grin

Whatnameforme Fri 11-Jan-13 22:43:30

Fallen - its very true. We all get there in the end.
Liz - it's great that you were so confident to take baby out on the bus and after a c section! I am truly impressed. I'm sure that everyone on the bus had had a similar experience, or will at some point. It is horrible though, I always feel like the worst person in the world when I can't stop him crying, I'm sure most people are the same. Hopefully the next few weeks will be better and better and you won't have to worry about changing tablets.
Blushing - baby massage went well. It's quite a small group and everyone is local wink
I'm trying to keep busy and have something I 'have' to go to each day. My mantra has become "must leave the house"
I'm glad we can all hand hold, it is incredibly lonely sometimessmile

Lizlette Fri 11-Jan-13 21:54:30

whatname, I was hoping that this thread could be a hand holding group for anyone that was having a bit of a rough time rather than just a 'poor me'kind of thing so please don't worry.

went back to the dr today (say what you like about the nhs, this dr is keeping a really good eye on me and is very supportive) as the better mood is nowhere near consistent, and she mentioned that it can take 4 to 6 weeks for the antidepressants to get into your system and they can then be certain that they've given me the right type.

slightly scary that it can take that long, and then if they don't fit I'll have to start another lot and go through another set of side effects sad , am still dealing with the side effects of this type although they seem to be starting to tail off.

tackled the bus into town to try and get out and about (had a c section so still can't walk far and hubby had the car). baby was fine on the way in, but screamed the whole way home on a packed bus. felt like the entire bus was glaring at me, and I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. might wait until I can walk into town before I go again!

TheFallenNinja Fri 11-Jan-13 18:36:36

Parenthood is a marathon, not a sprint, 7 weeks is far too early to be kicking yourself so try not to.

Worry only about what you can control, let everything else whistle for a while. I'm sure your doing far better than your giving yourself credit for smilesmile

theblushingpeony Fri 11-Jan-13 18:29:13

whatname We all need support, that's why were here so don't be sorry! It's great that you're doing so many activities,hopefully you'll meet some nice people who you can talk to. I went to a breastfeeding meeting this morning and it was helpful to hear that other mums are dealing with similar issues too, made me feel more normal. We're definitely not alone! I'm also starting baby massage next week through the PND service. Do you or your DH have any workmates who have children? Or like confortablycurvy suggested you could try hooking up with some other local mumsnetters?

Whatnameforme Fri 11-Jan-13 16:12:32

Thanks. I know it does get better. I just need to get through this bit. Some days are MUCH harder than others. I am doing baby massage classes, just started. It was ok.
Keep plodding on, like blush said take it one day at a time. Thanks again. Sorry liz I posted to give you support and it ended up the other way round!

doyouwantfrieswiththat Fri 11-Jan-13 11:29:37

When I was very low with ds2 (the novelty of being at home had worn off after ds1) a lovely lady told me about groups where depressed mothers get together to support and response was,"Can you imagine a bunch of us all in one room? grin" ...she said, "at least you haven't lost your sense of humour!"

ComfortablyCurvy Fri 11-Jan-13 05:54:26

Whatname-I'm so sorry you sound like you're having a bad time of it. It's great you can talk honestly to your dh about how you feel and what you're thinking, please keep doing this. I know sometimes it can seem odd when you hear the words you're saying, but it's better to have someone you can be really honest with.

Maybe try a different type of baby group? Maybe baby massage?

I know it won't help you much right now but I promise it all does get easier. My bf was nearly sectioned she was that poorly but with the right help she got through it. You will get through it too.

Some great support and advice available here so please stay in touch too.

Where about are you? Maybe a meet with local mumsnetters may help?

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