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Losing my rag

(4 Posts)
mummy2benji Wed 05-Dec-12 09:29:45

I don't know if I have PND or if things are just hard and therefore getting on top of me. Dd is 6 weeks old and ds is nearly 4 years old. Dh has had very important exams going on and I don't have family nearby so I have largely had to do all the childcare for both of them on my own. I am exhausted physically and also emotionally and feeling so guilty for being such an awful mum. I love ds more than life itself but he is very lively and doesn't always do as he is told - like any 4 year old boy - and my patience is so thin. There is a difference between calmly disciplining your child when they need it and losing your rag, and I feel like I am doing a lot more of the latter. Dd is crying right now - I have put her in her moses basket and am just giving her a few minutes as I just need a break. The school run reduced me to tears this morning as we were running so late. Walking into school a bit too quickly I managed to pull ds over as he tripped on the curb. He didn't hurt himself but it was my fault for dragging him along.

I guess I am just posting this to let off steam. And because it's better than sitting here crying. Is anyone else struggling like this? I feel like it is just me doing a terrible job of being a mum.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 05-Dec-12 12:07:48

I am guessing if your DH is studying and revising you are shattered from childcare and broken nights. If you were both hands-on and sharing the workload it would still be a huge effort so no, you are not doing a terrible job.

You have just brought a new life into the world, and physically recovering. it could be PND, did you have it after your DS? Or it could simply be holding the fort on your own. Please don't hesitate to raise this with your GP, it is not uncommon and there is nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about.

Even with exams, with or without regular work hours on top, your DH needs a mental and physical break, that's understandable, but so do you. I hope he can still pitch in? He doesn't have to contribute a lot to make your life easier but he should still take some tasks on, pick up shopping, bathe DS or DD, or whatever. So often the person who isn't doing laundry or cooking something basic says, "Well, it only takes a minute, what's the fuss about?" whereas it can help give you a break even of half an hour at a time to shower, put your feet up, walk round the block for fresh air alone. Do you each get a lie in either Saturday or Sunday? Is there any one who could babysit for a couple of hours when DD is old enough to be left?

When do the exams finish? Can you hold that end date in mind and keep going? Without exams does DH generally pull his weight?

It wouldn't be surprising and no way any lack of mothering skill on your part if DS has been playing up more than usual. He would have noticed your pregnancy in the later stages and gradual limitations on close hugs and energy and of course, since his little sister was born, he's got competition for your attention. This is not unique to you, please don't feel bad.

tazmo Mon 24-Dec-12 00:35:21

Hiya pnd takes all forms and disguises. I have 3 children now and struggle taking ds1 to preschool along with 2 yr old daughter and 5 month old at the same time. Ds1 dallied, dd2 scraped her knees every day for 3 days but dd3 had to fit in. Its not easy. Can dh help out? My dh has done an MBA and coped on less than 2 hours sleep doing his job and p/t MBA - but his family where no 1 at all times and his tutor understood that as was the case for most of the students on his course.

I have lost my rag loads. It's not great but I think it is important for a child to know that parents can not be this happy go lucky person all the time. Do not worry - tis normal. Only worry if u feel you could hurt yourself or those around u but keep speaking to your partner.


Jayne266 Mon 24-Dec-12 02:22:43

God I was like that and I only have one DC but your not a bad mum you know you will loose it from time to time. Just think to yourself am annoyed put your baby in their basket and catch your breath and you will be back to it. I understand your DH is studying but he needs to give you a break couple of hours at weekend? Or one day during the week in the evening.

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