There are very similar threads are on here all over the place, and even tho i've read them all, it doesn't seem real until you're experiencing it for yourself. Sorry if i am just repeating other things...i just don't know what else to do now. My midwife is useless...i am just a number on her conveyor belt of women she sees. Tried explaining how i feel but she just brushes over it. Husband has an incling of how i feel but i am too scared to tell him how im really feeling.
I'm sure most of my low mood stems from breastfeeding. I hate it. Feeds for an hour every 2 hours, then takes 40 mins to change wind and settle. Husband very alarmed at seeing me doing nothing but feed or cry (or sometimes both at the same time). Although i felt bonded to my baby when he was first born, every feed makes him feel a little bit further away. I have started expressing and giving him EBM, but i cant express enough to satisfy him so he's on top up AF. He's so windy on the bottles any time saved on the feeding now goes on winding. Im still only getting 15-20 min naps at a time.
I feel so guilty that im feeding him formula. I gave birth in the same week as 2 of my very close friends and they're doing brilliantly - feeding well, out the house, enjoying their babies and their new roles. I have managed to get a clean pair of knickers on this morning - a considerable achievement for me. How am supposed to get to bf support groups when i cant get out the house?
3 weeks in and I feel like such a failure - am crying while i sit here typing this. Feel like he deserves someone so much better than me as his mother.
I don't have any experience of PND, and so would urge you to speak to your GP, but I did feel awfully down when my DD (now 13 months) was first born. Like you I found breastfeeding really tough, and would often burst into tears as she latched on. PLEASE stop beating yourself up about it, if you can keep giving it a go then do, but don't beat yourself up about formula. Life as a new mum can be very tough, the last thing you need is to be hard on yourself about what sort of milk he gets. Your hormones are all over the place having just given birth. I kept going with the bf-ing and it did get easier. Give yourself a break for a few hours, get someone else to watch him, if necessary give him a bottle (one bottle will not hurt, your supply will be ok) and go and get some proper sleep. I just could not see the wood for the trees when I was at your stage, and as much as I loved my DD, felt useless as a mother. You'll be ok, just be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up about all this stuff, you'll come out the other side! Don't be afraid to get some help.
I don't have any experience of PND but did struggle with breastfeeding dd1. Did you have a natural birth or c section? My supply was slow to come in after c section. It definitely is not right that you are feeding so frequently and for so long. I ended up giving some formula when my supply didn't seem enough to satisfy bCheckPoint beat yourself up about it - contented baby makes happy mummy. Where do u live? Check with your local NCT group (national childcare trust) as they have breastfeeding councillors who come to you - check their website. Also check your childs red book - is there a breastfeeding support phone number in there?
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