Think I'm going crazy....

[featherbag]

I'm 17+2, and although I'm usually the most laid-back, non-stressy person you'll ever meet, for the last few weeks I've been desperately worried about EVERYTHING. Especially things I have no reason to worry about. We're having a pretty crappy time money-wise, and may have to move house before baby arrives, but nothing I wouldn't have just thought 'we'll deal with it' beforehand. I had a pretty horrid first 12 weeks, with 2 scares including a very heavy bleed which saw me admitted to hospital while on a camping trip hundreds of miles from home. I was told I'd lost the baby at 9 weeks, only for them to 'find' it when I asked them to look again. I've had a normal scan at 11 weeks, albeit a very short scan as it was a consultant doing it. I've had no bleeding since 11 weeks, no abnormal pains, etc., and I've got quite a little bump, have also ?felt the baby move a few times in the last week. So why was I sitting downstairs at 3am (when I have to be up for work at 6) sobbing my heart out convinced at my 20 week scan there'll be no heartbeat? I'm so tired I've also ended up sitting crying in the loo several times during my shift. Everyone I try to talk to laughs it off, but I'm so desperately worried I feel like I'm going mad. I'm hiding in a cupboard writing this as I need someone to take me seriously or I'm going to scream, and I still have 2&1/2 hours of my shift left.

[MadYoungCatLady]

Firstly you are NOT going mad. After everything you have been through with your pregnancy its no blinking wonder you are worried and upset. I had a missed miscarriage last year, and am pregnant again now (16 weeks) but worry everyday that something will happen. Although you have not lost your baby, you went through a similarly traumatic experience being led to believe you had. Thats not going to be easy to forget.
I dont think your worries will go away unfortunately until you have your baby in your arms - sorry I know that not reassuring! All you can do is reassure yourself that you have a nice little bump proving your baby is growing, and you have felt movement. Have you spoken to your midwife about how you feel? Have you heard the babys heartbeat yet? Ask at your next appointment if you can hear it, this might put your mind at rest.

[featherbag]

Thanks for your reply, it's nice to not just be dismissed! My MW is one of those who just laughed it off, I didn't take to her at all unfortunately. I've got my 20 week scan 3 weeks today, but don't see the MW again until 25 weeks. I know I'll get over this and hopefully all will be fine and by the end of November I'll be laughing about how neurotic I am at the minute, but right now I really feel like I'm cracking up. Haven't heard the baby's heartbeat yet, they don't do that until 25 weeks in my area.

[MadYoungCatLady]

If MW isnt taking you seriously then ask to change - my new HV is a pain in the neck and I'm going to ask for someone else. I dont think people really understand the fear of not knowing whats going on inside your tummy unless they have experienced something to make them fear, if you know what I mean!
Second trimester seems harder cos the early symptoms go away and you just start feeling normal dont you? I felt much happier when I was chucking up every ten minutes!!! Its not easy to keep reassuring yourself when you cant see inside you and at the end of the day have to rely on scans or feeling movement. Just keep looking at ur little bump and any little flutterings you get. If you dont feel you can wait three weeks til your scan contact your MW and if she laughs it off again ask to see another one. Dont take any shit - they need to realise this is important and is affecting your health if you are feeling this bad.