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Being "told" you have post natal depression by your husband

(3 Posts)
vanillacinamon Thu 23-Jun-11 11:42:42

Is it a helpful thing or not helpful to be "told" you have post natal depression by your husband?
During my six months of maternity leave our marriage was under stress. I did not have any help other than that offered by my husband. To be fair to my husband I think he tried but he was also stressed. There were fairly regular but controlled outbursts where he would get very tense for example if he came home and found some washing I had hung out on the washing line not yet collected in before dinner. He was hypervigilent about money (as a result of my being on very low maternity pay) and I remember a conversation where he resisted a suggestion we go somewhere where the activity would involve a £2 payment. As a consequence I have felt totally paralysed about using the "joint" account he says I am supposed to use and have never dipped into that but just continued to try to carry on using my overdraft and paying all childcare costs. Apart from literally one or two (quite good) occasions our sex life is non existent. I think he thinks i am lazy and he often points out failings in the home although objectively I am fairly certain the standards of cleanliness and domestic order around the home are good to high.
I cannot forget how it felt whilst I was on maternity leave, that he was barely tolerating my presence. My baby is now 13 months and I have been back at work 4 days per week for 7 or 8 months, sleepless nights continue relentlessly.
This morning he just said before slamming out the door " you have post natal depression get yourself to the doctor".
I frequently want to just offer him everything, all of the assets we own and the right to have an affair without consequences (other than the consequences he initiates) as I feel I cannot offer more but there is still implied criticism from him. What I really want is tolerance and a feeling that he is in it with me but instead it feels like he is standing with a critical eye on the sidelines. He does help with domestic chores quite a lot. But never ever ever does he hug me. Is it curtains for us

MyNameIsInigoMontoya Thu 23-Jun-11 11:55:12

Honestly vanilla? I think you are posting this in the wrong place. It doesn't sound particularly like you have PND, it sounds like you have (at the moment at least) a fairly crappy relationship and a husband who is putting you down and making you feel you are never good enough. Add in a small child and lack of sleep, and it's not surprising you feel low; but he has a cheek "diagnosing" you!

Maybe move this over to Relationships where I'm sure there will be some good advice?

Flisspaps Thu 23-Jun-11 11:55:45

Based on what you have said, I would say you have a PITA DH(being polite) rather than PND.

He 'helps' with chores? It's not helping, it's doing his fair share of the family housework. He didn't want to go somewhere that would cost £2?

If I were in your shoes, I'd be giving him a bloody good kick up the arse, and telling him to either move out of 1950 and into 2011, or move out. That's not a relationship, that's a dictatorship.

You might get some better advice if you post this in relationships, as it doesn't sound to me like you are the issue.

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