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Cant cope but feel like a failure if I leave

(2 Posts)
spannerchops30 Sun 19-Jun-11 15:51:03

Hi everyone, I have just joined to get some moral support and I suppose some mums who have postnatal depression like me who can back me up and say I am doing the right thing! I am currently doing a PGCE and fell pregnant when I was half way through my second placement. I was really poorly as I had awful morning sickness and was bleeding regularly and was advised to get constant bedrest (the pregnancy was not planned either!). I intercalated for a year to return after I had the baby.

Within the year I was off I literally bed rested, never hardly left the house and felt like crap throughout in addition to having two other kids to look after. Safe to say I felt depressed but thought it would lift after having the baby and returning to school. I had the baby and felt physically better but mentally not. I returned to school thinking maybe it would lift my spirits and I would feel like I was doing something positive again but my confidence has just disappeared. I was like someone else. The workload I could cope with but getting up in front of the class and believing in my ability to teach was just gone. I was gutted and had a nervous breakdown in front of two of the teachers....The shame! I took 2 months out the placement and after discussion with my uni thought I would give it another try.

Anyway I have been back there a matter of weeks and its still crap, I dread teaching and am just not in the right frame of mind to be there. Everyone knows I have depression which makes it worse and one of my mentors (whose a bloke) is the most arrogant unsupportive 'mentor' you could dread to have. I desperately want to teach and I know I would make a fab teacher when I feel better. My course is distance learning too so I hardly see any of the tutors at uni they cant really do much else for me to be honest anyway.

So this is the question....I am thinking about dropping out and getting my head sorted then reapplying for another PGCE; to start afresh somewhere where I regularly go to uni, be able to meet other students where there is lots of moral support and where to be honest I will feel more at an advantage as Ive done it before and it will boost my confidence a bit. What do you think? Postnatal depression makes you feel all over the place doesnt it, does it sound like I am making the right choice?? smile

ChoccyJules Sun 19-Jun-11 16:48:11

Hello, it sounds to me like you've more or less made your decision and as someone who has suffered severe pnd it sounds good to me. Would there be a problem getting onto another course, I assume not - you could say you'd had to leave previously due to illness if it came up?
How are you planning on getting sorted, have you seen your doctor? Mine wanted me to have pills and counselling, I went just to counselling then four months later gave in and went onto the pills, have to say they worked for me. Take Care and good luck:-)

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