Having a C-section mid October and DH refusing to come in! Help!(7 Posts)
My DH says he just can't cope with the thought of knives, blood etc.
DH was in waiting room at DS delivery which was a vaginal delivery. In retrospect I am pleased he wasn't there in the end due to complications.
I am really nervous and really want him there, my mum just isn't the same. We also don't know what we are having and I want to see his face when we find out. Am I being unreasonable?
Well, he won't see very much as there will be a huge sheet up. Would this reassure him?
YANBU but then I wouldn't have allowed my OH to opt out of supporting me in person for VB either
Tell him he needs to be there and blindfold him if necessary
There is a massive sheet in the way.
Having said that if he is truly scared I have known quite a few people, medics included, faint in the operating theatre during operations. Not much use to you if he is on the floor! Perhaps a trip to the hospital for a preparation visit to allay his fears.
I do feel for him and think that this is a scarey step for both of you. My DH was at mine and really loved it. He couldn't see a blardy thing!
I don't think YABU, but my DH had to be helped out of the room just after our DS was born via CS. He didn't see anything, there was a big sheet up. I think it was just the idea of what was happening that got to him! The anaesthetist (who was wonderful, and was looking after both of us at my 'head' end!) noticed he looked a bit peaky and helped him out - taking my DS with her (as someone had to hold him, and needed to be not about to faint or have had a spinal...). Apparently they gave him a coffee and some biscuits, and he waved at me from the door. I guess I saw him again properly when I was wheeled out of theatre. To be honest, I don't remember all that much.
So, I guess what I'm saying is that even though you don't see anything, it can still be a problem for those who are a little squeamish, and you can hear everything that is happening of course!
With our first baby, dh was adament he wouldn't be able to be present for the birth. Anyway, nearer the time he was actually OK with the idea and then I ended up with a c-section. He was kitted out in theatre gown, wellies etc and sat next to me on quite a high stool but everything obscured by the screen.
The surgeon must have looked at him and saw he was a bit wobbly so they went and got him a lower chair!
He was fine, and was so pleased he had been there for the birth. He didn't see a thing apart from them lifting ds above the screen as they delivered him.
Next time around with dd I had a planned c-section and he didn't even hesitate about being in there with me.
Don't force him to go, it must be his decision. He might regret being there if something wierd happens and after it might hamper your relationship. My uncle was forced into the delivery room by his medic of a father, he was in shock and that did have a huge (negative) impact on his intimacy and relationship with my aunt.
My DH was there for the EmCS with our DD. The surgeon told him "hey! dad look at what you've got" so he did without second thought... Baby still attached and he could see "inside" me as well (it made him a bit sick and shocked)
Not mentioning I was hemorraging, so lots of blood.. He didn't faint and it didn't damage our relationship but it is not something he likes to remember. Your DH might be as happy to have a nice clean baby in his arms especially if he is affraid of needles, blood,...
My DH found it also very hard to see me suffer and be completly useless about it. May be if you both talk honestly about your receptive fears you could come to a compromise
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