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First time mums

(9 Posts)
Serendipity001 Fri 13-Sep-19 20:58:38

I thought I’d start a new thread for first time mums like me. I am coming up to the end of my first trimester. But because we decided we wouldn’t tell anyone I feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to other than my hubby. While he’s been fantastic he’s not the one carrying the baby so can’t really understand how I feel. I’m 36 and happy and to be pregnant but I just wasn’t prepared for the all the changes and the horrific morning sickness and constant nausea and sore boobs and feeling so damn tired all the time. And all of a sudden no alcohol and so many forbidden foods plus so many foods to try to make myself eat. I just wanted to meet other first time mums on here and share the worries and all the body changes and share the journey with as it’s going to be a long long 7 more months!!

Tweedlady Sat 14-Sep-19 10:30:59

First time mum here too :D 9+3 today! Totally get what you mean about all the changes and feeling lonely. Only my husband knows and the biggest thing I’m worrying about is telling work and impact on my career. He’s self employed so woes to quite get it! Also feel just now that I can’t get excited, so nervous for first scan in case something is wrong.

Serendipity001 Sat 14-Sep-19 11:13:05

Hi @Tweedlady

I'm really worried about the impact on my career too but he doesn't get it - my husband is self employed too. I'm in professional career and I have a team I manage so I'm worried about the career break and what it will do...

I know what you mean about the scan I am worried too in case anything is wrong. When I first realised and went to the GP I was 6 weeks and they said I should have been taking folic for the 6 weeks - this wasn't a planned pregnancy so that's not even logical! Then I did research and read the possible consequences of not taking folic and got myself stressed out! I will be really glad to get the reassurance once I have the scan.

Also a friend has a baby born with a cleft and I looked it up and the logical analytical side of my brain tells me the chances are so so minimal but nonetheless you can't help but worry and want everything to be all right! But I have to wait for the 5 month scan for that one! Eeeek!

Did you choose to get the optional downs screening?

Tweedlady Sat 14-Sep-19 11:47:20

I’m in the exact same position as you re career- I just feel so self conscious that people will think I’m letting work down. Also finding midwife appointments a total hassle as my diary is managed for me so unexpected appointments I can’t tell our EA about are requiring a level of negotiation- sometimes I think people who have only ever worked for the NHS don’t understand how it works in private business.

Yeh we’re having that at my first scan, though if I scan early then il need to go back for the downs screening as it has to be 12 weeks plus and our scan is 12 weeks on the dot. Have you had your booking appointment yet?

eskimod Sat 14-Sep-19 15:14:30

Hello! Can I join?
I'm 29 and 12 + 3 weeks pregnant. We became more relaxed about trying not to get pregnant but didn't expect it to happen straight away! It happened straight away so our timing isn't great but we're happy.
I had to tell my boss because I needed time for an appointment... she was the only person i told until yesterday when a close colleague guessed when I felt really nauseous. My partner had been amazing but it's hard when I can't talk to other people about it.
I've had bloods done and will be getting the down test on Wednesday when I have my 12 weeks scan. I'm really nervous about it too, but will feel better after Wednesday if we see a heart beat etc.
I'm a teacher and I'm so worried about my career. My job will be there when I get back but i have silly worries like I could be moved year groups etc. I'll be going on maternity at about Easter and that worries me because we're likely to be externally moderated so I feel like I'm letting the school down. I'm also a bit of a control freak when it comes to work so leaving my class before the end of the year concerns me!
Then there's worries about childcare when I'm due back! I highly doubt I'll be able to go part time because there are too many part time teachers already. Do I really want to work full time as teacher with a baby?!!

fonxey Sun 15-Sep-19 11:19:31

Hi, I'm a ftm bit a little further along than you guys at 27+3. Had a great first trimester and pretty good pregnancy otherwise but now in third trimester and feeling frustrated by restricted ability to move!

Since being pregnant I've never wanted a drink more, and I'm not a big drinker, only really liked cocktails. I have had half a glass of prosecco, pimms and a glass and a half of sherry though! (Not all at once! Throughout!)

Feeling excited. Only 12 weeks to go! 2 months until maternity leave.

Work is not my priority, not a career person, always much loved being at home and work kinda just means to an end of having a mortgage/food. Although i do enjoy my work.

I find all these a MB tenatal appts annoying too. Especially now I'll be having more of them. I work for the nhs and they are understanding but it is frustrating. My midwife appts can only be on Mondays. The earliest ones i can make are at 10am. I live about 40mins drive or his train journey (nevermind having to catch train) away and I've already had to request Tuesdays off to do yoga (long hours at work, don't finish at a normal time like most people!) and shifted in for most Mondays in future so it's frustrating.

Serendipity001 Sun 15-Sep-19 13:04:48

@Tweedlady I've had my booking appointment about 2 weeks ago. When I first found out I was pregnant I went to my GP and the only info I got was don't drink don't smoke take folic. They checked BP then referred me and that was that. At my booking appointment it was just paperwork and I got the folder so everything has been self research really. A friend once told me you don't get taken seriously till the first scan because of rare of miscarriages and NHS cost cuts - I can see that now! However, the midwife at the booking appointment was lovely! I have my first scan in 2 weeks I think I'll be about 11 weeks then!

Hi *@eskimod*! That's so exciting and only a few days to go! I think it becomes more real when you see the scan! I have a good friend who is a teacher and she used to tell the exact same thing she had the same worries as you. In her case when she went back to work she couldn't go full time because it worked out that childcare would basically cost the extra she made anyway and her husband was already FT employed so it made sense she spend that quality time with the baby instead of childcare. She wasn't happy PT because the role became different they had to give away the FT role. But on a positive now her daughter is in school and she has returned FT and is back to normal!

Hi @fonxey! That's great it's nice to have people at different stages in their pregnancy on here. I've been doing a ton of reading - what's normal what's not. What's ok to eat what should I avoid. When will I feel any movements!! People say first trimester is hard, 2nd is a breeze and 3rd is harder! But you're on the home stretch now! Have you decided on what type of birth? I wasn't expecting to be asked at the booking appointment i hadn't even thought about it then! But having read up I'm thinking birthcentre and possibly a pool but I don't know if I can deal with no drugs for the pain!

@Tweedlady @eskimod have you both thought about what type of birth you want yet?

fonxey Sun 15-Sep-19 13:35:09

I've been not to bothered about what not to eat to be honest. I think eating a healthy varied diet is more important.

I'm reading The Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill and totally recommend it. My midwives haven't talked about it discussed what type of birth i want at all. I'm going to have to bring it up i think as i have no idea the technicalities as i want to go midwife lead. I'm not too enamoured with my mw team yet i kinda just feel i might as well just figure this all out myself. They have mostly had students with then which is ok but i feel that their focus is teaching and not me.

Good luck at all your upcoming scans and things. They are fun. I had a couple privately too because too impatient to wait until my 12 and then 20 week appt. Ha.

eskimod Sun 15-Sep-19 16:08:14

@Serendipity001
My midwife said I'll give birth at the mid wife led maternity hospital. She did ask if I'd want a home birth but I said no!
I have a massive needle phobia so the thought of an epidural freaks me out! But I'm not sure if I'll be able to cope without it! I suppose I will see when the time comes!
In an ideal world, I'd love a water birth but like I said, I guess we'll see if I can cope without the pain relief! X

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