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July 2019 (thread 10) - the final furlong...maybe

(991 Posts)
Kentishgal Wed 15-May-19 12:03:10

Thought we had better start a new thread - wonder if we'll see some (more) babies arriving on this thread...

thedust Wed 15-May-19 12:39:45

Place marking!

Capybaras Wed 15-May-19 12:46:14

Omg thread 10! Could very well be the baby thread!

ForTheLoveOfDoughnuts Wed 15-May-19 12:53:12

Wow. Can't believe another thread has been filled.
Sorry I've been quiet. I have been reading/trying to keep up but struggling a bit at the moment with tiredness and general huge amount of weight gain confused

Jxtina86 Wed 15-May-19 13:01:24

Placemarking! Eek can't believe we're on thread 10 - it's been lovely to have a chatty bunch to keep in touch with over all these months!

@thedust that's even more annoying about your pram deal. Fingers crossed it gets resolved soon for you. Have you started to play noises anyway for your dog? We've now got on Feliway on subscribe and save for our anxious cat... and started shutting her out of our room at night which is going better than expected. Only a couple of incidents of howling...!

BeckyButterfly Wed 15-May-19 13:10:11

Hi everyone!

thedust Wed 15-May-19 13:27:43

@jxtina86 yes we've started playing the noises already, we've got our high chair with a newborn attachment at our kitchen table already so have been using that to put the speaker on. She's already not allowed upstairs a lot, we have baby gates everywhere! So hopefully that will give us a break from each other when we need it 🤣 the kitchen is her space with her crate in. Quite glad we crate trained her cos I imagine she wouldn't take very well to being kicked off the bed haha. She's very noise reactive and doesn't like strangers (rescue dog, we're her 3rd owners) so it's going to be an interesting few months for us as she gets used to the baby!

Kentishgal Wed 15-May-19 14:03:00

Urgh just had phonecall to pick my daughter up from nursery - v high temperature and vomiting. Nothing makes me feel more stressed or helpless than when my daughter is ill. And I never know whether to take her to the gp or not. Remind me why I am putting myself through this stress for a second time?!

thedust Wed 15-May-19 15:51:32

@kentishgal hope she's ok!

Had an email from the pram company that the order is ready for dispatch so they can deliver it next Friday. Not great I've had to chase it up so much, surely if it was ready they should have contacted me to arrange delivery?! But fingers crossed the order will arrive next week. Been working from home today and feel so much less tired than when I have to go into the office. It's only a half an hour commute but it makes a difference with my PGP.

Giraffe888 Wed 15-May-19 15:56:17

Yikes another new thread! Don’t think my baby will arrive in this one though 😂

BirthdayKake Wed 15-May-19 17:34:17

Babies have arrived already?! Have I missed something?!

BirthdayKake Wed 15-May-19 17:40:57

Wow, just found it! Congratulations Beckanne90!

Yukka Wed 15-May-19 18:04:54

Thanks for the new thread @kentishgal !

@thedust we did the same with pram and baby noises playing inside, she didnt care less, walked straight past! She’s been raised around nieces and babies so hopefully once we’re past the first few days she’ll be fine. Good luck with yours.

Was supposed to be at a work social tonight but totally bailed... baby back to 3:30 am raves followed by hiccups. No sleep for me last night 😴 21 days left at work...!

Kentishgal Wed 15-May-19 18:15:45

thedust our rescue dog didn't react well when we brought our daughter home - we just took it really slowly - one of us up one end of the room with our dog and the other up the other end with the baby - and just gradually got closer over a period of time - he soon came round and they are the best of friends now (really lovely to see - my daughter worships him). I think his reaction was mostly him being inquisitive - but he's a big dog and he was barking and scrambling to get to her - it was really upsetting to see at the beginning, on top of all the hormones buzzing round, but we got there. Fingers crossed your babies will both be fine.

mrsof20118 Wed 15-May-19 19:33:02

@thedust we have ordered a car seat base from baby planet too and although they have taken the money we've had no delivery and not even a confirmation email with the order. Can recommend precious little one. I've actually been to the store they have as its in my home town x

cravingmilkshake Wed 15-May-19 20:32:31

Place marking!!

TwinkleDay Wed 15-May-19 21:01:06

@mrsof20118 omg precious little one is in my home town too..round the back of m and s and b and q! Are you going to the antenatal classes in the area?

Also another question for hr people, I work full time.. day if I wanted to go back 3 days a week will they chop down my holiday entitlement? Currently get 25 days plus bank holidays being full time... or would I need to give some back if I took 25 extra days hols on the end of Mat leave ?


mrsof20118 Wed 15-May-19 21:27:27

@TwinkleDay I live elsewhere now but my mum still lives there. Small world!
With regards to holidays your new allowance and hours should only kick in when you return to payroll even after using any of your current entitlement

blueeyedviking Thu 16-May-19 07:32:21

Morning everyone.

Wow a new thread! Almost there.. I've been quiet as have had a tough week. On top of struggling with my back, I had a scare after a small bleed on Tuesday. Had to spend some time at hospital but all is well with the baby. The experience def got to me though.

Then unfortunately my line manager recklessly accused me yesterday of only being in the office one day this week (he is away on business) and next week. He cc'dd HR and caused me a lot of stress. In the end I had to screen grab my diary and show him he is seeing it like that because of being in a different timezone...

I would appreciate some advice from you all. I'm tempted to trigger my sick leave because of my back. This would mean starting mat leave early but we can afford that. I originally was avoiding it as wanted to help work out as much as possible, however throughout out my pregnancy I haven't been treated well at work and I've now got to a point where I'm done. I go home straight to bed most days and normally cry cause I'm so exhausted because of the pain. But I feel like I'm giving up and letting my team down. I'm only supposed to work until 14th June so it's not that far away...

But now with all the stress I'm experiencing as well my DH said yesterday I need to think baby first, and ignore my pride. I'm just so tired of having to fight for all anti-natal rights...

cravingmilkshake Thu 16-May-19 09:12:15

Hey ladies. My last day in Italy today- we have walked a total of 24 miles!! I'm taking the metro today to do some shopping!

I'm pleased to be coming home as I was terrified of giving birth in Italy early!

I hope you are all ok!? 24 working days left 😃

StargazyDrifter Thu 16-May-19 10:09:09

blueeyedviking I'm so sorry you've had all that to contend with, that is just really tough and horrible. You got through it, though, with a few scrapes, but you did and you're moving forward, that takes some guts.

I remember so clearly your boss being a complete nightmare a few threads ago and, as soon as you mentioned him here, I was all "oh what's he done now". I have a similar boss and a less than ideal work situation despite the job itself being a good one. In your situation, I would just trigger mat leave now and here's what I'd think about:

- you and bump must come first: you're in pain, that itself is exhausting and needs resting up/not making worse before birth, it is a drain for you physically and mentally, now is not the time to run on empty, --whisper it, but there's a major life change coming--;

- stress in later stages of pregnancy is agreed to be "a bad thing" for babies (studies vary on degree), and also a bad thing for you when you're already waking up at night with a bad back and pregnancy stuff and so on - not worth it for the sake of 4 weeks at work, especially if money is ok;

- impressions at work are already formed, people think you're good and on top of stuff etc (the way you wrote about that launch, they can't not, even I think that!) so you've got plenty of credit in the bank, 4 weeks makes no difference;

- you're having a baby, one of the most important and physically challenging things ever, everyone will understand an earlier departure both professionally and morally, you'll be letting go soon anyway (and I suspect if you did yourself proper damage the nightmare boss would just blame you anyway);

- work will still be there in 12 months time, or whenever you return, and either they'll largely be the same crowd or they'll have changed, but you will still have all of your history and silks to keep doing your thing, doing it even better - whereas you're only pregnant with this baby once and you can only get the start right once;

- I've not had a baby before but I gather being "ready" in terms of headspace, health and rest is a big part of getting on to an ok start, especially first time, and bonding, potentially even not getting PND in some cases (though I think in other cases unavoidable), so I'd invest the next 6-8 weeks forward into you/baby not backwards into a job that you've already earned your stripes in (even if you don't feel it).

An woman mentor type figure at work once said to me "always be where you are irreplaceable". That's what I'd do.

What I also would do though before you trigger the leave is not handovers but a fully updated CV and loads of notes for you on examples where you've been brilliant in this role - it'll give you perspective as you go, you're in no way going under a cloud, and will be jolly useful on the other side if you do have a bit of a confidence dip going back. Also I'd write an email to boss and HR placing it on the record that things have been far from ideal, list the stuff, say you're leaving early because of it, disappointed and (if you feel you can) that if you had more time you'd be minded to pursue more formally, but can they at least look into the problems so others don't have to go through this. I think with the sore back you wouldn't want a grievance process anyway, but I'd have it out there so it's beyond doubt what he got wrong. It's very unlikely they'd be stupid enough to insinuate anything (and what?!) but at least there's a contemporaneous record to protect you.

Sorry, big essay, lots of hugs and keep paddling!

stephn88 Thu 16-May-19 12:31:28

@blueeyedviking are you sure your mat leave would be triggered by being off sick from now? It's normally triggered if you're sick during the last 4 weeks of pregnancy.....
ignore me if I've missed something, very tired 😂

Yukka Thu 16-May-19 14:08:32

@blueeyedviking @stephn88 is right they can't force you onto mat leave until 4 weeks before your due date. What is your due date?

If you're feeling that bad, use the 5 days self certifcation for sickness and tell them its because of work stress - don't blame it on your back, you would be fine if the stress wasn't getting to you.

then during your 5 days visit the GP and have a discussion about being signed off for longer. I would maintain Workplace Stress as the trigger not pregnancy related back issues.

You have evidence due to the emails form your manager to HR - how inappropriate?

I just had small ish bombshell, my replacement has just backed out. she was due to start a week on Tuesday for us to have 3 weeks handover. I run a department of 200 people . . .my boss is crumbling in panic mode. There's not much I can do unfortunately . . . .me and baby come first. Same goes for all of us . . . its the final hurdle remember, don't compromise on wellbeing now xx

blueeyedviking Thu 16-May-19 14:48:25

@StargazyDrifter Thank you, thank you, thank you. I would love to give you a hug (and I'm not even a hug type of person!). You have broken it down really simply and I know you're right on very account. It really helps reading it in black&white, especially from someone who doesn't know me and will just be honest! It's hard with pregnancy as you never really know if you are overreacting or not.

I've thought of writing everything up and sharing it with HR and Marketing Director before I go. When I start going through it all it does add up, and as you say I managed to get through it somehow. But I really don't want anyone else to experience it. I work in a very male dominated business and am one of the more senior females in my wider team, so it's not surprising they are hopeless, but that's even more reason to tell them.

I don't have the energy for grievance I think. However this isn't the first time my manager is in a tricky situation re employees or not following regulations.

@Stephn88 '*@yukka* - No sorry, I meant I would have to go on sick leave first and then 4 weeks before (10th June) my mat leave would get triggered. But I'm fine with that. It's a long time off, but I do have to listen to myself.

Great advice @yukka thank you - I'll speak to the GP next week when I have an appointment. I've got a day off tomorrow so will be able to tune out for a bit hopefully. I hope they get your mat cover sorted, sounds like you have quite the job as well!

thedust Thu 16-May-19 18:50:14

Some really good advice there, hope you get it all sorted and put you and baby first @blueeyedviking

On a lighter note - I farted today in a meeting while I was talking so I think every knew it was me and they were all looking at me! Everyone acted as if nothing happened thankfully. It was only a little toot, not a big one 🤣

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