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anyone pregnant and over 40?

(177 Posts)
teejay Mon 11-Jun-07 13:40:20

There must be a few of us?

Anna8888 Wed 13-Jun-07 11:51:41

Caroline - thanks, all your arguments are very good ones and I will see how I can weave them into the conversation .

I hate pregnancy, though...

Caroline1852 Wed 13-Jun-07 12:00:41

Anna8888 - I hope you don't mind me asking you this, ignore if it is invasive. Why are you and your partner not married? Is it something you have not got round to or a conscious decision from one or other of you or both of you that you don't want to get married?

Anna8888 Wed 13-Jun-07 12:02:15

Caroline - for tax reasons. The taxation of married couples in France is horrible and very disadvantageous to wives of high earners.

Anna8888 Wed 13-Jun-07 12:07:30

Caroline - also inheritance issues. All very complicated and totally different from the UK - much more legislation on what you can and can't do, who can inherit from whom etc.

It's a bit hard to imagine when you are English just what a raw deal marriage is for women in France. My mother still can't get her head around it, though my sister has been married to a Frenchman for over 10 years (married in England and don't live in France so no tax issues though inheritance applies) and I have lived in France for 15 years and we have done lots of setting up of trusts and things to keep my money in the UK. Awful.

Caroline1852 Wed 13-Jun-07 12:09:11

Same as Segolene.

Anna8888 Wed 13-Jun-07 12:12:38

There you go, an example we all know about.

I think it's terrible that it should be that way. Sarkozy did mention in his pre-election debate with Ségolène that he would remove some of the inheritance tax injustices towards women, but there is still a long way to go.

Caroline1852 Wed 13-Jun-07 12:25:06

With a good tax lawyer, you can though get around all the forced heirship issues. Just a case of making sure that you have all the right paperwork and wills that do not accidentally revoke each other.
I believe Segolene's anti marriage stance was more to do with the fact that she believed marriage as an isntitution let her mother down rather than the tax issues per se.

Caroline1852 Wed 13-Jun-07 12:30:04

Also if most of your money is kept in UK you are not benefitting from being able to pass each other one another's assets in the UK free of inheritance tax and capital gains tax. Most of the benefits of holding assets in trust have been removed by virtue of the Finance Act 2006 (the introduction of pre-owned asset tax, annual tax for trusts etc).

Anna8888 Wed 13-Jun-07 12:30:20

Not, unfortunately, as easy to do with (1) second marriages where there are children from a first marriage (2) international marriages. And that's only inheritance... the other very big issue is income tax, and the fact that second earners (ie me) in a marriage are taxed at the first earner's marginal rate. Which effectively means women have a higher income tax burden than men, when they are already disadvantaged in the work place. Grrr.

evenhope Wed 13-Jun-07 12:32:45

No longer pregnant but have 13 wk old DD and was 43 when I had her (had a birthday since).

Other kids are 21, 19, 17 & 15. Same DH for all.

Anna8888 Wed 13-Jun-07 12:33:18

In France, under most marriage contracts, married couples pay inheritance tax when one half dies. You can't pass, say, your main property tax free between one another - you pay inheritance tax on the share you inherit as surviving spouse, and your children pay inheritance tax on the share they inherit.

Lots of old French ladies end up pretty destitute and reliant on their children's goodwill. Far better to make sole provision in the UK.

teejay Wed 13-Jun-07 12:35:43

welcome evenhope- and an impressive family line up! How are the broken nights going..

teejay Thu 14-Jun-07 08:24:13

I'm getting really nervous about the nuchal scan this time round, mainly because I dont know what I'd do if the odds were really high

Caroline1852 Thu 14-Jun-07 09:38:21

Teejaym - Good luck with the nuchal scan. When/where are you going for it?
Pros of mature motherhood: better financial position, more relaxed generally, a clearer view of what is important in life, less obsessed by self
Cons: pregnancy a bigger toll on the older body, might not come first in the mums' race!

diplodocus Thu 14-Jun-07 16:08:53

Yes, Teejay, good luck. I know how stressful it can be. I opted not to have one this time.

Arabica Thu 14-Jun-07 23:19:49

Hi Teejay, congratulations! I had DS at 39 and had DD last July when I was 44 and 10 months. I was kind of expecting my hospital folder to have some kind of special 'elderly mother' stamp on it, but nobody batted an eyelid. Maybe it's because I'm so immature, nobody assumes I'm over 40.

Arabica Thu 14-Jun-07 23:27:10

One thing I would mention. I didn't opt for CVS or amnio testing at the 13-wk stage, as I was reassured by my Fetal Medicine consultant that the measurement was fine and that at 44, the statistics are always going to give a high-sounding risk of there being a problem. But at 20 weeks, the routine scan revealed some symptoms which were benign in themselves, but could mean that DD had Edwards syndrome. This is a chromosone condition which is always fatal for the baby, so I felt I had no option but to have amnio. At that stage it was far more traumatic than to have undergone the procedure at 13 weeks. DD's amnio was fine, but waiting for the results was the scariest ever. Then they found something else...but that's another story!

CristinaTheAstonishing Fri 15-Jun-07 16:50:42

I'm expecting another girl in October. I'm 41. I had a CVS this time round as the nuchal scan showed a higher risk (1:200). This is lower than that expected due to age alone, but higher than the usual 1:250 at which hospitals offer the CVS/amnio. (We are carriers of a genetic mutation which leads to deafness in 1:4 of our children, but did not want to know if this baby will be deaf as we feel this is something we can cope with.)

Good luck with the scan, Teejay.

Klaw Fri 15-Jun-07 22:26:46

Hello, I WANT to be ttc for my third, my partner's 2nd but he too stressed about finance and property just now.. which makes me stressed as the clock is ticking louder and louder!

My ds is 13.9 and recently came back to live with me and dd is just 2. They ADORE each other but I want her to have a sibling to grow up with and I want a HWBAC to boot!

I am 40, with a Twinkle in my eye!

rainbowdays Sun 24-Jun-07 19:54:14

I just wanted to include myself here, I am only 39 now but will be 40 when #3 arrives due march 08 (expecting it early so feb probrably!) Already have ds age 3 and dd age 2.

nappyaddict Wed 11-Jul-07 11:44:09

has anyone seen unicorn around lately? she was after a widgey cushion and i want to know if she still wants one.

mozhe Wed 11-Jul-07 16:25:12

I have had no6.....27/6/07 born at 27 weeks ! He weighed 1lb 11ozs....he is doing well
Enjoy your pregnancies !

Deearna Wed 11-Jul-07 17:50:33

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Molly65 Tue 17-Jul-07 16:13:07


I'm 42 and expecting in January. Had nuchal which seemed okay -- risk levels of a 29 year old for Downs. I don't know about the other chromosonal problems. Anyway, although I expected some invasive testing I have not been recommended it. I'm relieved about that. My spouse has two children in their twenties, and the one expected is my first. My step-children are very supportive and I'm extremely fond of them both. Neither lives at home, which gives us a bit more space. Late motherhood has been common amongst my friends and acquaintances though I didn't think I'd have to wait till I was 42!

It's interesting to read about you all.

Best wishes

muckers Wed 18-Jul-07 11:45:14

Hi Molly

I'm 41 and expecting my first in Nov 07 following 2 miscarriages last year, I had a high risk for downs too, 1 in 29, I decided not to go for any invasive testing and just let nature take it's course, I had no soft makers at my 20 week scan so at the moment everything is looking good. I know I'm having a boy and my DP also has 2 children from a previous relationship, they do not live with us either.

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