I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant I'm 35 and husband 46. There have been a few comments made by people suggesting pregnancy was an accident due to husbands age and making comments to him in the workplace in particular. it's really starting to get us (probably me more so) down, particularly as I wanted to have another (if I'm lucky enough). Appreciate I might be being overly sensitive but wondered how other people would react/ take it or if they agree our ages are too old. The comments are "must have been a shock" "you'll be going for The snip now" "aren't you a bit old for this you must've gutted". Just to Clarify baby was very much planned but even if it wasn't and it was a nice surprise surely love and a stable home is what matters?
People are rude. Don't take any offence or give it any head space. I was 29 when I fell pregnant with my first, my husband of 5 years was 31. We owned a lovely home and both had good stable careers that we'd worked hard in for years.
My brother was still shocked and asked if it was planned ffs!
You can't win! Prepare yourself for more comments on your feeding and general child rearing choices.
I'm 25 DP is 27. I'm currently pregnant with our first and have been asked more than once if it was planned!
We own a beautiful home and have good jobs, and whilst maybe for this day and age I'm fairly young to start a family, we're more settled than most people older than us but people seem to think it's appropriate to make comments like "oh that must have been a surprise!" No, not really!!
I think people just feel the need to say something about the pending arrival. That and "are you sure your not having twins?!" are really starting to grate on me!
I had similar comments from a nurse at my gp practice she assumed my pregnancy must have been an accident because I was 39 and clearly in her mind that meant I hadn't wanted children because who would wait til then? I then explained to her that my baby was a very much wanted and longed for ivf success. People say the stupidest shit to you while you are pregnant I'm sorry that you and your DH are getting such comments and I wish people could get some tact or just learn to keep their opinions to themselves.
Utterly thoughtless and very rude. My mum had me when she was 40 in the mid 80s and then that was considered really old, DH's mum had him when she was 45 at around the same time. They both said the comments were constant! Both planned and both wanted. You just cant win though, it'll always be something. I'm 30 and 29 wks and ppl constantly ask me about how it'll affect my career and how I'll cope not working. People can be so rude.
Ignore!my dh was 24 when we had our first and all his work colleagues were very rude, joking about him having no life and freedom and making me out to be a right harridan. We are now expecting no.4 and I'll be 44 when baby's here-am readying myself for lots of comments about planning and age but I couldn't give a toss!
Nod, smile and ignore. I'm 34 and my husband is 49 (we'll be 35 and 50 when the baby comes) We've been together 11 years and even the midwife said 'ooo why did you wait so long' A few of my clients have said 'they thought it would never happen (nice!)' and 'I really thought when you got the dog that would be it' My dad said at a nice dinner 'he wasn't holding his breath for grandchildren'
Well, I'll just jump in my nice car to my big house and say 'fuck you all!'
Everyone in my family and even some of my friends asked if my first pregnancy was planned when I told them, even though we're late twenties, together for eight years and married for two, house and work stable etc. I put it down to not being very decisive when pressed about babies before getting pregnant. Anyway, people will ask, but don't let it put you off! If you feel happy about being vocal that you want a second child, that might pre-empt comments from the same people next time.
Oh OP I can completely sympathise. The comments I got when I was pregnant with DS were the worst. What shocked me the most as the people that made them were supposed professional women in the workplace. I got comments such as he following:
‘Are you having twins?’ I replied ‘no’ then got ‘are you sure’ I replied ‘yes definitely just one in there’ then got ‘but you’re so big for that many weeks.’ (Eh thanks)
‘Was it planned?’ I replied with ‘yes well I’m 30 and do live with my long term partner and we own our house so yes it was very much planned.’ (thought to self why wouldn’t it be and what is this woman insinuating how rude!)
This one was a classic: ‘You’re so big do you think about how big you’ll look at the end? Are you in big knickers yet?).’ (I had no words for this .)
‘Have you got any stretch marks yet? It can look like you’ve been whipped?’ I replied with ‘no not yet.’
I’ve been thinking about names for your baby you can call it this if a boy and this as a girl and then got a running commentary on all the names said person doesn’t and does like. I replied with thanks but me and DH will decide together and are announcing it after the birth and aren’t sharing before (the one thing we were keeping secret after plans to let everyone know the sex.)
What I realised is that people kit don’t know what to say and put their foot in their mouth. Some also like to overstep the mark into very private aspects of your life when you’re pregnant when they wouldn’t dream of doing that if you were not. For instance I had people touching my bump and up in my personal space. The pregnancy hormones don’t help
When we told my BIL & SIL the happy news that we were expecting our third child, my brother in law turned to DH and said 'that must have been a shock for you?' I was liiiiiiiivid! The baby was very much planned (by both of us!). People are such idiots sometimes.