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Anyone else single and pregnant?

(6 Posts)
WestyNottingham Tue 17-Jan-17 21:34:42

I conceived with a gay friend and am eight weeks pregnant. Had a scan today and saw the heartbeat and it was amazing... but now that I'm home alone and adrenaline has worn off, I'm feeling kinda lonely and vulnerable. BD is lovely and will be around for me and the baby, but I live alone, I'm exhausted, and I would love it if someone would just make me a (decaf) cuppa! Anyone else in the same boat?

DearMrDilkington Tue 17-Jan-17 21:38:12

Could you and him not live together for a while? That way, he can bond with baby more and you get some support.

WestyNottingham Tue 17-Jan-17 21:49:56

I hadn't really thought of that as an option - he'll come and stay after the baby comes for a few weeks, but we haven't discussed it during pregnancy. Thanks for the idea. Maybe he could at least stay here a night a week?

I went into this knowing I'd be doing it mostly alone, and we tried for two years and a round of ivf so it's not like it's unexpected (although it was a bit of a shock to finally be successful!) but I guess I didn't realise how much I would want emotional support during pregnancy.

DearMrDilkington Wed 18-Jan-17 12:59:32

Ask him and see what he says. He might even be thinking the same thing but doesn't want to come across like you can't cope on your own iyswim?

NotMyPenguin Mon 23-Jan-17 13:09:28

Hello! I was a single mother during my first pregnancy with DD1 and can completely relate to everything you describe. Especially during the early days when you still haven't told everyone, and are probably feeling at your worst, it's really tough to be on your own.

I'm 5 weeks pregnant with #2 now, have been in an intermittent relationship with DD1's dad for the last three years but it's still shaky (in fact, we had just broken up when I found out I was pregnant again).

I found it was really helpful to surround myself with supportive friends and spend time with people who 'got it'. I had a good friend sleep over every couple of weeks and we would just watch lots of films and drink hot chocolate and it was very restorative :-) Also (and I know this is a bit far in advance) do think about birth partners and if it is a friend or family member then see if they will come to the NCT classes with you. Also try to find an NCT class that has some diversity in it! I went to one where everyone was married (in a hetero way) and it was stiflingly normative and I felt a little freakish -- not least because the NCT leader always put out too many chairs (an even number, assuming couples) and then I always had an empty chair beside me which made me cry (privately afterwards!).

HUGE congratulations on your good news after trying all this time! Happy to stick around on this thread and share our ups and downs :-) thanks for starting it!

AbernathysFringe Wed 25-Jan-17 00:20:10

Huge congrats OP. I was going that same route but the friend backed out due to his partner's uncertainty. I then conceived with a boyfriend but we broke up during pregnancy. Luckily it ended up being what I wanted anyway as we became very good friends, perfectly platonic, all good. I was alone for the pregnancy really. He came down every month for a day or two. I did a lot of walking and trying to join groups. And working.
Do you have family to lean on at all? Friends to phone? I'd also try as much as you can to have communication wide open with him, nothing off limits, but to pick your battles too. I have to say, I had a couple of moments of sadness that I wasn't doing the whole thing with a big love, but in the end, I've watched so many relationships post-baby and I feel like I've had it easy in comparison.

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