Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.
Babies due in November 2016 #5(1001 Posts)
Thanks fuzzy and thank you as well for saying how you felt when you were pregnant with DD, I'm so glad that the depression lifted for you, did you have any help for it, or did it go away on its own?
Need thank you so much as well. I am going to see my midwife next week and I will talk to her about how I am feeling. I feel less overwhelmed already just for writing it all down and having a big cry.
I think my feelings about gender are hugely tied up in how I am feeling, I was hoping it would get easier the more time I had to get my head around it, but it hasn't so I think I do need to bite the bullet and talk to a professional.
I typed up a really long response that didn't upload so sorry if this sounds shorter and abrupt because I don't mean it to, but don't have the energy to type it up again. Mine did go away on its own although I made use of some professionals who I could telephone as I didn't feel up to seeing them face to face. My parents don't believe in depression and my husband was working away, so I didn't want to make him feel guilty for leaving me. In some respects being by myself in the house and able to break down and cry when I needed to was easier for me as I found trying to be normal much more difficult when he was at home. I also worked until the last possible moment as I found that a way to switch off and pretend everything was ticking along normally. I still can't understand why I didn't suffer from PND because I must have been the top candidate for it. My daughter always was exceptionally easy and a great sleeper, which probably made things easier for me but even so. I remember being semi serious about suicide in the latter weeks of my pregnancy and my midwife was absolutely useless. It was a really horrible time for me and I don't really recall one defining moment where it eased but I certainly don't remember the feelings being there at all after I gave birth. I do remember feeling completely unconnected with my daughter when she was born and being told about this great rush of love that just didn't happen. I also remember someone commenting in my postnatal group that they were worried about their feelings because they didn't feel a bond when their son was about four months old (my daughter is six weeks older) and reading her post and being glad I wasn't the only one that didn't have that bond. Again, I don't know when the bond was suddenly there but it is now and I wouldn't be without her.
Thank you fuzzy and I am so sorry you had suicidal thoughts, that must have been unbelievably tough, particularly without family and midwife support. It is reassuring to know that it didn't turn into PND and that the bond with your DD formed. I feel like I could cope with feeling this way if I knew it would go away on giving birth, or very soon after, but my biggest fear is that the feelings won't go.
Ahhhh lovely ladies. Cake- please be as gentle and kind to yourself as you can. I suspect the answers won't be straightforward but you need to start by loving yourself, and not saddling yourself with guilt. Can you find some peace and space this weekend? And I'm sure baby won't mind if you have the odd glass of helpful fizz too. Big hugs. Hormones are a bitch. And depression/depressive moments are not 'all in your mind'. My Mum has had chronic depression for three years since my sister lost a baby at full term, and has just started doing acupuncture and has really turned a corner. So that's my only other idea, although whether preggo needle prodding is even allowed I'm not too sure!!
Woody- thanks for the positivity!! I'm going to spend two weeks in London (and can't wait to binge at John Lewis- baby stuff in Argentina is rubbish and super expensive!!) and a week on hols in France with my family, so will be flying back to Buenos Aires bang on week 32, without DH who follows a few weeks later. Luckily my two weeks in London are for work so I'll get a business seat- let's hope I don't break it!!
Need- I am aching all over. I feel super sore on my bum in an upright sitting position, which is highly inconvenient!!
Also, can I just point out that it is FRIDAY!! Woop woop.
That was my biggest fear as well Cake. I think being able to talk to someone who won't just dismiss or minimise your fears and who you aren't worrying about being judgemental might help you most.
I don't think I welcomed the newbies. Hello and congratulations on your pregnancies. I hope everything goes well for you.
Acupuncture is definitely allowed during pregnancy and I had it throughout last time.
Good one Fuzzy. How do we find "the list" of who and when?
So we were talking about how long to work for a while ago. I'm self employed and have just picked up a dream contract which starts Monday full time until the baby arrives! Very excited as I've wanted to work with this company for years but have no idea how my hormones/baby brain will affect my ability to work. I'm waiting for the shock of going from doing the odd day at home in my pjs to full-on office, suit (ha what a joke), 9-5, client-facing craziness. Just the thought of commuting is nuts! Eek! Sadly no baby on board badges here. Might have to go Blue Peter on one over the weekend. Yay for companies employing pregnant women! So happy.
Congrats Bollyroo, sounds exciting. I'm currently counting down the 8 weeks I have left at work.
I've got 3 weeks, then the summer holidays and then 5 weeks more! Then no more! Woop! 27 working days for me!
Fuzzy thanks for the new thread and a big welcome to all the newbies, congrats!
Cake sorry to hear you are struggling. I think you are right, maybe just having a chat with someone impartial might be a good idea. I quite like the idea of acupuncture even though I'm needle phobic! Odd!
Bolly that list really resonates with me - the guilt at not being happier that the baby is healthy over the fact she is a girl, worrying if something was to happen now it would be all my fault for not being excited/happy enough and not being excited enough to meet everyone else's expectations.
I went out last night with my DH and had a bit of an accident (very very minor, nothing to worry about at all) but I ended up totally hysterical. I was sobbing uncontrollably for hours, couldn't catch my breath, couldn't calm down. It was ridiculous. I think it was a combination of tiredness/shock/stress and all this gender stuff. My DH was on the verge of taking me to hospital as I just couldn't stop. I have never ever ever been in such a state.
Oddly, I then slept solidly for about 14 hours afterwards and am feeling quite serene this morning. I'm having a chilled day with the dog as DH is at work so I've got all my baby books and catalogues out and I'm going to consciously spend time thinking about my little girl - feels so odd writing that.
This pregnancy stuff is not easy.
and to everyone that wants or needs it
Hallo everyone, happy new thread!
Fedup what a total roller-coaster of a day you had .
I totally understand though, had some real up and down moments this week. Feel a bit like this is all happening to me/around me, and the real me isn't really involved at all
Maybe just scanxiety for Monday.
Completely the same AyeAmarok, my husband and I were having the exact same conversation last night. Currently it doesn't feel real, I have no real attachment to the baby and I'm not that excited about it making an appearance. This is making me feel guilty as at the 20 week scan I had no real feeling towards the baby, it just felt so unreal.
I think it's just because it feels so far away and it's a safety mechanism in case something goes wrong. I think it's also because I have an anteria placenta and although I have felt movement there's no real pattern to it yet.
Oh well, I'm sure It'll improve when it gets nearer.
bob and aye I feel the same, it's just so unreal to me at the moment and lack of movement probably isn't helping that.
fedup sorry you had such an emotional evening but I'm glad you feel better this morning.
I have just woken up after an epic lie in and am feeling much more positive. It's amazing what a decent sleep can do for you.
I had acupuncture throughout my last pregnancy and it was amazing, we've since moved house so I wouldn't be able to see the same lady, but I might look around to see if there is anyone local. I might give antenatal yoga a go too, maybe I need a bit of "me" time.
Thanks everyone for the welcomes. I have LOVED going to yoga and I really don't usually like any kind of regular exercise. It's partly because pregnanxy yoga is really pretty easy (some of the poses definitely feel more like leaning against a wall than actually exercising). But it's mostly that it is good to have some weekly quiet time to myself. I highly recommend it - though for me it's not a substitute for psychotherapy, more a nice addition to the week.
I'm going to look for a pregnancy yoga class too I think. I've been doing normal Pilates at the gym but the teacher only does every other week so there is often a stand in and I don't like the inconsistency in class style plus half of them won't take me as they aren't insured! So frustrating.
I hope everyone is having a nice chilled Saturday.
I think it's just because it feels so far away and it's a safety mechanism in case something goes wrong.
Completely agree with this. I also haven't felt anything yet either so maybe there is something in that too.
Everyone keeps talking about how it's "so exciting!", at the moment I just feel like it's so much pressure on me, and me alone. If it gets here safely then it'll be exciting (and I can share the pressure with DP).
If you're looking for pregnancy yoga id look up the Daisy Foundation. I've gone to their classes in both pregnancies and you get a bit of yoga, a bit of antenatal education and some relaxation. They're all over the UK.
Oh cake, im so sorry you're feeling this way. Definitely have a chat with your midwife, or your gp if you prefer, theyve seen this many times before and will be able to help.
This thread is not accepting new messages.
Please login first.