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loving a second child:worries

(14 Posts)
Naughty1205 Fri 04-Dec-15 23:41:01

Please bear with me as it's only my second post on mn but I am a long time lurker.
I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant on my second child. My eldest dd is 4 and 9 months. Both were/are much wanted children conceived after many rounds of IVF. I am beyond lucky to have an amazing little girl and now have found out we are expecting a boy. While writing this I am tears about how on earth I can love another baby as much as dd! I know it's ridiculous and it's probably hormonal but it's been at me since the beginning of this pregnancy. Dd is our whole world and we have a great bond. Will I have enough love to go round for this baba? Dd is so excited and all these years I (mainly me driving it but dh obviously delighted I pushed for 2 more rounds of ivf) just wanted to give her a sibling which I know is the best gift. So am I a hormonal wreck or are my fears real? Did anybody else feel like this? Sorry for going on. Just a bit all over the place...thanks

Iggi999 Fri 04-Dec-15 23:49:50

I wondered this at times when pg with dc2, finally pg after rmc. I had absolutely nothing to worry about. It turns out my heart could expand in a Tardis-like way to surround them both smile

BlandandInsipid Fri 04-Dec-15 23:57:53

Oh goodness I think we've all been there with pregnancy number 2!
I was convinced I could never love a child as much as DC1. Even in labour I didn't feel that I even wanted the baby as much, but the second she was born and I saw her tiny little face I felt that huge rush of love and it's never gone.
Pretty much every Mum I've spoken to since has had similar doubts, but even when you have 10 kids you love them all.
Good luck and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy flowers

Naughty1205 Sat 05-Dec-15 00:20:22

Thanks so much, relieved to hear this! Hoping it's the same for me. I'm even afraid this little one might get negative vibes so I keep apologising to him blush Thanks again thanks

Pobspits Sat 05-Dec-15 00:23:20

I felt like you. Ds was 3 when dd was born and I felt like I'd betrayed him and torn his perfect little world apart and I would never love Dd the same.

They're 8 and 5 now and honestly, I didn't bond immediately with Dd as much as I did with Ds but it didn't take long and I was utterly besotted with her, as was Ds. Ds isn't as besotted these days admittedly wink

It's so amazing to see them grow up and see how different they are in looks and personality and just everything really but also to see the same wee quirks playing out.

I love them both unreservedly and equally but differently. Ds is much more sensitive and needy whereas Dd at the moment is much more bubbly and independent. I admire them both for their little ways and they both infuriate me in equal measure too! Ds because he faffs and can't concentrate and Dd because she's so stubborn and bloody minded! Some people might say Ds is like Dh and Dd is like me grin

They're both the light of my life and I can't believe I ever thought I wouldn't love Dd.

Naughty1205 Sat 05-Dec-15 00:35:05

That's lovely Pobspits smile I want to feel that way too. Had pnd after dd and just hoping these thoughts go away as otherwise could be a trigger for it again. I feel exactly like I am tearing her world apart, and the guilt is horrendous. Thanks for your post

Pobspits Sat 05-Dec-15 00:43:35

I had PND after Dd. Even if that happens, and hopefully it won't, you'll get through it. It sounds like you're catastrophising a bit. Try to think things through calmly.

I can't imagine life without both of mine and believe Ds was the most PFB child in the history of PFB children so Dd had a lot to live up to!!!

Naughty1205 Sat 05-Dec-15 00:52:33

Oh yes, this baby has a lot to live up to alright! Yes I probably am catastrophising alright, tend to do that as I think it helps prepare me for the worst but obviously it's not the way to go! Fingers crossed PND won't strike but am much better supported this time round

CorydonFrills Sat 05-Dec-15 01:02:32

First baby was love at first sight. Second baby took me about six months to bond with. Now we are all really close. Love has many faces and it's natural that you feel different this time around - you are different!

goldmaple Fri 25-Dec-15 06:12:29

Don't worry. Babies bring love with them.

I'm currently expecting DC3 and I can't imagine loving another baby as much as my two but I know I will!

VashtaNerada Fri 25-Dec-15 06:22:10

I felt exactly the same! But oh my god I loved my son when he was born (& even if the bond isn't instant if there's a difficult birth or whatever it definitely will come). In sentimental moments I think of DD as my little mini-me, and DS as my baby. I love them both so differently and yet so much.

Fraggled Fri 25-Dec-15 06:42:48

I think every mother worries about this. Someone once told me not to worry 'a mother's love isn't divided it is multiplied' and it is so true.

I was also fretting about pnd but I think the lack of culture shock with the 2nd baby can help with that. I wasn't depressed after my 2nd.

And my son adores his little sister. I think so long as you are positive and excited about the new baby to your daughter, she will be too. With your age gap she can help you s x really bond with your son. We have a 3.5 year age gap and I love that my DS can get involved. DD is nearly2 now and they are very close. Good luck OP. fsmile

Fraggled Fri 25-Dec-15 06:43:47

Should say 'and really bond' not 's x really bond'. Autocorrect fail!!

Naughty1205 Fri 25-Dec-15 07:07:50

Thanks Fraggled. Yes definitely hoping the age gap will help. The culture shock was massive going from zero to 1 child, so I'm hoping that won't happen this time. 9 weeks to go!

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