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May 2013: 5 in the thread and the little one said, roll over - there's lots more on the way!(998 Posts)
Running out of space over here so a new thread for all our fabulous birth stories!
Morning all. Today is going to be very exciting because the curtains and carpets are being delivered for the nursery AND the bookshelves are going up in our living room. You have no idea how many boxes this will get rid of, which are currently cluttering up our living room/hall/bedroom. For a woman in the desperate stages of nesting, today is like heaven. I can put up the cot! I can fold away baby clothes! I deserve extra biscuits for all the effort this will take, another bonus!
I also have a slight conundrum and wanted some views from those who've been there before.
My parents are on the opposite side of the country (a full days' travelling) and are being very sweet about not wanting to interfere or burden us when LO is born. But it will be their first grandchild, and TBH they'll be champing at the bit to meet her.
However...it means they'll have to stay with us, and probably for several days/close to a week. This in itself is fine for me - we get on well and I think I'll need the extra help and support. But DH is being a bit weird about it. Partly it's because I think he sees the two weeks of paternity leave as a special time for us as a new family, and resents any interference in that. Partly also it's because the timing of this little lamb ain't great as he's doing professional exams and will need to work during his leave.
My view is well, what about me? If you're off beavering away at a desk, where's my support? But from his perspective it makes doing any work at all much harder if we have a house full of people.
I think he needs to be more realistic about what having a new baby actually means, and how I'll be feeling. But I also know how stressed he's going to be anyway, regardless of our new arrival.
My parents are lovely and very well meaning and will do everything they can to support us and make sure we're happy. I don't see how I can stop them coming, and I don't want to. I've made sure DH has a quiet space to work in (although it's in our spare room, which my folks will be using) and not sure what else I can do.
Sorry, long post, and quite boring. But it's something that's playing on my mind right now.
Any ideas? And putting my folks up in a hotel isn't an option really.
Hey beaver yay for nesting! The feeling of satisfaction when you can stand back and observe all the stuff that is out of boxes and in its new place is sooo nice. Having moved a gazillion times I empathise
My only advice re your parents is to keep talking until he can really understand and accept what the situation is going to need to be. It's tough for guys sometimes I think. Sounds like he wants to be superman and be there for you both but perhaps hasn't quite wrapped his head around what you will need in those first few weeks if he is working. Are there any good cafes nearby that he can go and do a few hours study in whilst your parents are there so that it doesn't get too claustrophobic? Maybe if you both sit down and work out a sort of sensitive sketch of a timetable for his study needs etc alongside things for your parents to do whilst they are there, then you will be able to avoid any tension. Also perhaps a compromise of them coming towards the end of his leave after you've both had some alone time together? Or working out alone time together that you can have whilst they are there?
My mum lives down the road which will be amazing, but we are going to have to be careful about some boundaries as sometimes she gets a bit carried away and I get a bit crowded out when she freaks out if I don't answer a text for a few hours! All the rest of my family a in Australia though and with DP's mum & sister being such soap opera nightmares right now (they haven't spoken to us for 4 months apart from a family outing that DP went to where they barely spoke to him & weren't interested in anything to do with the pregnancy. It's really upset me actually, i realise depression is an illness but their selfishness has been staggering over this time. All this for NO apparent reason other than they think he has been 'brainwashed' by this ridiculous love thing!)... Anyway, Oz loved ones seem so far away and I am missing the support big time, so l totally support you wanting your parents around. If things aren't set in stone anyway, maybe it will make him feel less restricted if you can play it by ear to a certain extent once the baby arrives?
bunny you poor thing! I would be mega pissed off if DP started talking like that. 3 weeks is a mere blip in time but if he misses the birth of your baby, or cant drive because he's over the limit or causes you unnecessary stress with any of these worries right at the end of your pregnancy those are things that are important! Big reality check for him needed
Congrats gold that was a great story. It's all happening now ladies! Who will be next???
Beaver - what about suggesting to DH that he stops all work for the first week and the three of you just bond and support one another? Then suggest that he spend the second week catching up on his revision and your parents come down to support you. Ask your parents to agree they will only sleep in the spare room and let him have it all day if necessary. Might that be a compromise?
I think the first few days it is lovely and important to be alone just you, your partner and the baby.
Thanks Wirra and Arti. DH is a wonderful man and will make a brilliant Dad but he can be a bit of a drama queen sometimes (just like his mother) if he feels crowded or has his space otherwise invaded.
There is a local library he can use and I think I just need to keep gently reminding him that I'm going to need support and that it's not unreasonable for both sets of parents to want to be around over the next few weeks. Am trying also to get him to finish as much work as he can before LO arrives so he's less stressed later.
Also like the idea both of you suggested re making sure we have time together alone. I think if he feels we'll still get that it might help.
Wirra I'd forgotten about the situation with DP's family. That's really tough. Depression is such a difficult illness. Great your mum's so close, bless her, even if she's going to prove trying sometimes (who's mother doesn't??). I suppose it's harder because you know that actually having the baby isn't going to make things any easier. Perhaps it may encourage some kind of contact, though, and could soften things slightly. Presumably DP would let them know the baby's been born and that could lead to at least some kind of conversation?
I sympathise because, although my sister is now pregnant again (she miscarried when I found out about my pregnancy back in August and things have been very difficult since) she still doesn't express any real interest in me or how things are going. Less than two weeks until my due date and we Skyped for half an hour the other night without her asking a single question about my pregnancy (she's moved to New York). It was her husband who finally stepped in. I don't think she's making any plans to come to the UK to meet her niece and that is hurting me more than anything. We're a year apart in age and used to be very close and now...we could be complete strangers. very sad.
Another long post - must be feeling chatty today
or just lounging on my sofa waiting for carpets
Time for another biccie x
Thanks Rhienne - I breast fed son 1 & 2 with no problems but this time has been very very different and challenging. Some interesting points on there.
beaver that does sound like a tricky dynamic with your dh and parents visiting. I too have this impression of the two weeks when my dh will be on paternity leave as this very special time when we will get to know our little baby and get used to life as a family. If it was me, I would almost prefer that my parents delayed their visit so that they could help with the transition when your dh has to go back to work (that's the time that I am most worried about). But if you want them to come sooner than that, I agree with the others that you need to just keep talking and find a way that he will be able to get some space and work during that time as well. I hope that by now you are in carpet/curtain heaven and you are finally able to get organised. It is sooo frustrating wanting to get the house sorted but not being able to - i was in that place a few weeks ago before our carpets went down.
Well, day 2 of mat leave here.... I have a list of things that I should be getting on with but I have been incredibly lazy, lying around reading. I've read a bit of 'French children don't throw food'. Has anyone else read it? It's quite interesting - the chapter I read today was about trying to figure out why French children seem to sleep through the night much earlier than British/American children.
rhienne thanks for posting the thing about breast feeding. Seems like a really useful guide for what to expect.
I've been having some funny belly pains today - some period like cramps and then some more sharp stitch like pains. But nothing regular, so am presuming it's just baby in funny positions rather than the start of anything...
I haven't posted in a really long time, but I have been keeping up to date with everyone's news and the amazing birth stories.
I think last time I posted, I was upset and had just found out my dad has cancer.
Well, he is the strongest most amazing dad in the world, I just love him so much- he has started chemo, and even though he has lost his much loved big white bushy hair-he is being so brave. I can't wait for him to meet his grandson, and me being pregnant has really helped keep everyone's spirits up.
So I am 39 +1 and going a bit stir crazy at home. Making obscene amounts of cake-Mary Berry would be proud. Wondering if this big baby of mine is ever going to appear...my emotions are just all over the place, and starting to feel a bit restless and anxious.
My midwife wants me to have a sweep next week, but I have to say I am a bit scared...I am just a bit rubbish with internal examinations and I get so nervous. I know I have to go through worse when I have the baby, but do I have to have a sweep?
Cant believe I am going to be a mummy- I am so excited!
Hi betsy! Great to hear from you and so good that your Dad is getting on so well. We are similar dates as I am 39+2. My midwife suggested a sweep on my due date, which seems early to me. But the more I think about it, the more I think I'll go for it. I'm pretty keen to avoid being induced if I can, so this might get things moving a bit earlier to avoid that. And also, she will hopefully be able to give me some indication of if I am close or not - the waiting and not knowing is hard to handle! But she did say when she booked me in that it is totally up to me, so if you really don't want it I think you can just say so.
Hi Roast I remembered we were close due dates!
I think I will just go to the appointment and see what happens, like you I would like to avoid being induced.
It's nice to hear from you, hope you are feeling well.
I'm booked in for a sweep on Friday. I have an ongoing medical condition and my consultant does not want me to go over. We will see what happens !
You definitely don't have to have a sweep if you don't want one. I fact, you don't have to have any internal exam if you don't want one, inc in labour.
Evening everyone, hope you are all enjoying the sunshine. Actually got out of the house with DD today and we are both exhausted now.
I had a sweep on my due date with DD and it didn't do anything. Think it may of been a bit to soon. Glad I'm not the only one who is nesting. DH has banned me from doing too much now after I went crazy with a steam cleaner on Friday.
With family we didn't have anybody come for a week after we had DD so we could enjoy just being on our own with her and as it was our 1st we wanted to enjoy every second. This time my mum is gonna come when labour starts and then stay a couple of days to help out, just in case I have to stay in.
How nice is it to think that as of tomorrow we can all say our babies will be here this month. I can't wait now.
We've also decided that my Mum will come out only after the birth. The plan at the moment is for DH to take two weeks off, then for my Mum to come for a week and then for DH to take another week off. Soon after that Ramadan starts which here means that DH can finish everyday at 14.30 which he normally wouldn't do as we are not Muslim and don't fast, but this year he might to be able to spend more time with us. I think it is very important to do what feels right with regards to having people come and stay. If you feel that you need support and you don't think you will be getting it from your DP, then make sure you are getting it elsewhere. Just a thought, but you haven't got friends locally who are away on holiday in that period and need someone to look after the cat? Then your parents could house sit which would give all of you some more breathing space.
Spent most of today watching the abdication or our Queen and crowning of our new King on Dutch television. Felt very homesick and cried through most of it. Was lovely to watch and Charles and Camilla looked lovey together as well.
That will be nice having someone to help for a month. When DD was born DH went away with work (he is in the navy) for 5 days and it was horrendous. I was on my own coz we are nowhere near family and they where all working so couldn't help. This time I'm making sure I have plenty of back up around. I'm happy that DD will start nursery the day after she is 2 (mid June) for a few afternoons a week so I can spend time on my own with the new baby.
Beaver - I would also suggest having your parents come as soon as DH has to go back to work. Those first few weeks, I found I did most of the night wakings: since I had to be up to feed DS anyway, it just made more sense for DH to sleep when he could. So DH was around to take care of DS when I crashed during the day. But the LO also sleeps quite a bit, so your DH should be able to get some study done, while both you and your LO sleep.
When my parents come they also have to stay with us, and it worked out that they arrived just as DH was going back to work after DS was born. This was great for me, having help after DH went back to work, and meant we weren't all driving each other crazy in our little apartment.
Your DH needs to be realistic about how much study he can do with a newborn in the house, but I think you'll all have a more peaceful time if your parents can wait just those first couple of weeks.
Birth story alert
I had a few twinges this morning then a small amount of blood when I wiped. Came into hospital for monitoring, contractions started around 1pm and quite severe by 4pm. Beatrice Ann made her very speedy arrival at 5.26 weighing 5lbs exactly at 35+4. She's in SCBU getting a little help with her breathing but is otherwise healthy.
I've been keeping on top of the births and adding them onto the stats thread, would a couple of people mind volunteering to take over for the next few arrivals please? dizzi's LO still needs adding too. Thanks x
Congratulations Seven. Another lovely name. She is so tiny to. X
Wooo! You do evict them early, don't you, seven! Sounds very efficient! Congratulations. Hope Beatrice goes from strength to strength.
Congratulations seven!! It's great that it went so smoothly and quickly. I hope her stay in special care is short and you are soon able to go home. Lovely name!
Well it's officially May in a couple of hours, I wonder who will be our first May baby.
Seven- well done! Nice and quick and lovely name! Im not due until 24th and i really hope early- guarantee with my luck it'll be 2 weeks late so another 5 weeks! Aargh! Enjoy ur snuggles... May tomorrow!
Congratulations Seven! Love the name! All these arrivals are making me nervous now lol! X
Congratulations Seven! A lovely name.
I just want someone to put me out of my misery! Two nights ago I think I had a partial loss of waters, I have seen two midwives since who were v blase about it and didn't seem that worried. They confirmed the baby is back to back and, as I think I said earlier up thread or perhaps on another thread, the flurry of stop start pains are the baby trying to turn around.
Yesterday and today I have been feeling most odd. Almost as though someone has slipped meds in my tea! I feel sort of tired and spacey. This morning I had some pinky mucus come out and I can feel the baby has dropped even lower.
Nothing since. Am seeing midwife again tomrrow to check me over.
Someone assure me I am having this baby soon! Am due on Friday 31st
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