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Due End Nov/Beg Dec 2013 With DC#2

(174 Posts)
Tinyflutterby Tue 09-Apr-13 14:38:24

Hi everyone, was going to join one of the November threads, but they're so full already and I'm only about 6 weeks pg, so feel a bit behind some of the others!

Been ttc for about 6 months and delighted to find out I was pg as ds took 2 years ttc. Ds is now 20 months. Don't have an actual due date yet as I have really long cycles and havn't had booking appointment or anything yet.

No majorly troublesome symptoms as yet, just sore boobs, more tired than usual and digestion bit delicate. Don't even feel pg some days, so it's pretty hard to believe sometimes!

Look forward to speaking to anyone else!

Tinyflutterby Thu 12-Dec-13 21:04:32

Hi Yoga, glad all seems well and you are feeling a bit more chilled today, just take it easy as it will be any day now.

I'm miserable, this in-law situation just goes from bad to worse. My father in law has now emailed my DH to say they didn't feel welcome. Well I'm sorry, but I can't be the hostess with the mostest when I've just had a baby and major surgery and people are coming to stay and expecting to be entertained. I'm so angry as no-one seems to understand what I've just been through and all they are succeeding in doing is spoiling this special time for me and adding to an already stressful situation. I just feel like running away.

Anyway, sorry you don't need to be hearing all this right now. Thinking of you and will check in as often as I can to see how you're getting on.x

yogafan Thu 12-Dec-13 21:24:07

You are JOKING? That is beyond awful, I am so sorry. I'd be fuming. Hope your DH can see what a dickhead his dad is...
I would absolutely feel like running away too. At least can you try to emotionally detach from the in laws? I wouldn't see them or think about them until I was feeling up to it, just focus on getting through the next few weeks and trying to keep the balance and rhthym going in your family. That really is outrageous tiny. Some people are so clueless...
Thinking of you x

yogafan Thu 12-Dec-13 21:29:54

Oh, and by the way - does your DH see that it is absolutely his job now to protect you from stuff like this? Grrr, it makes me mad...

Tinyflutterby Fri 13-Dec-13 10:24:32

Hi Yoga, well after an entire evening with me in hysterics and arguing with DH, we have agreed that his dad had no right to do that and that DH is on my side. He is going to speak to them to explain that obviously I need to rest and can't be my usual sociable self and entertain them. He has also told me if they offer help again we are just going to say we don't need it.

I'm just so angry as if the doula had kept to the agreement they wouldn't have been here in the first place. I plan just to distance myself and hopefully now that Elliott's room is the 'spare' room we don't really have space for them to stay unless they sleep on the sofas and I doubt they'd want to do that very often. Also I have the excuse of my back and the 3 hour car journey to their house, so hopefully won't have to do that any time soon.

I do feel bad for my DH, as obviously they are his parents and I would never want to ask him to choose between us, but I know he knows what they are like, he'd just not say it. He didn't have the best upbringing as his dad never even wanted kids in the first place and I don't think he was there for him growing up.

Anyway, I have to run now, but I could realy have done without all that upset. Thinking of you and thanks for your support.x

yogafan Fri 13-Dec-13 17:45:49

Really pleased your DP sees how out of order his dad is. Sorry, but what a wanker. Makes me mad, that as you say, he prob wasn't actively involved in looking after your DH when he was a kid so no idea how hard it is. Probably didn't support your DH's mum enough, yadda yadda yadda. So rubbish that you've had to deal with their crappy family stuff when you should be left alone to enjoy and cope with your own.
I'm in a bit of a bad mood at the mo, feel like I'm coming down with a cold which is just what I don't need pre labour... Urgh.

yogafan Mon 16-Dec-13 15:17:05

Still got a cold, but midwife visited today and baby's head is free. So prob still not gonna come for a while yet... I'm ok to wait, I think, as I really want to recover from the cold before going into labour and having a newborn to deal with, but the midwife also warned me what a nightmare hospital will be over Xmas... URgh. Will let you know how we get on.
Hope all is well with you and that your family is getting gradually more settled, and you are able to slowly recover from section and newborn frenzy. All the best x

Tinyflutterby Mon 16-Dec-13 18:14:32

Hi Yoga, hope you're recovering from your cold. Can't believe you're going to have a Christmas baby! How long will they leave you before they do an induction? I think it's 12 days here, although I know it differs from area to area.

Things still very up in the air here I'm afraid, things just not the same between DH and I, but is it any wonder with the amount of stress we're under? He's now back to worrying about work now too. He's annoyed with his dad now as he hasn't even got back to him after he emailed back to ask what was going on and said last night that the more he thinks about it the more angry he is that his family just don't seem to understand or have any empathy for anyone else and if he's learned anything it's that he knows he can be like that too and he doesn't like it. I bet if they realised just how close to breaking point we are they would be horrified that they'd added to it. Personally I think he should tell them.

Anyway, enough about that. Elliott was one month old yesterday! I honestly can't believe how fast it's gone and he's already outgrown some of his first clothes! He's eating like a horse, but the last 2 nights he's only been up to feed once, so I'm hoping that pattern will continue as I can just about cope with that.

Sorry got to run as I'm burning dinner, but thinking of you, take care and hope you feel better soon.x

yogafan Thu 19-Dec-13 09:52:22

Hi Tiny, I'm still waiting for this baby! Only just started to feel that I've turned a corner with the cold, and had an emergency dentist appointment yesterday as my wisdom teeth were really flaring up - couldn't eat or sleep they were so painful. But not infected which is good news. I may have to have them out at some point once the baby is born, but for now it is paracetamol, a prescription gel, and hoping they calm down after the birth.

The plan is for a sweep tomorrow, then induction on Monday. Amazing that things will happen in the next 4 days, it has made planning (who will look after DD, what food / provisions do we have in / what will we be doing for Xmas etc) a bit easier than having to work with a 4-5 week window. We might even put up the cot and buggy today, as we know they won't be hanging around for weeks not getting used.

Sorry to hear things have been tough with your DH, absolutely no wonder considering the amount of stress you both have been under. I feel for you and hope things get better for you soon. So rubbish of his parents to have heaped their crap on you both, and I imagine it must be particularly painful for him having to confront how his parents are unable to provide support, when he prob needs them most. And then you're left with a partner who can't be 100% there for you, and his family - his main responsibilities now - because he has his own other stuff to deal with, occupying and upsetting him. I agree it would be good for his folks to know the impact of their behaviour, but perhaps it's too raw and difficult for your DH to do right now. They might need to be ignored and cut out for a bit, then he can talk to them about it when he feels more settled. My DP spoke to my dad on my behalf, a few days after DD was born, telling him to back off (dad was moaning on about how I never answered my phone, what was I doing?) - he was being an ignorant idiot with no understanding at all of life with a newborn. I think particularly a lot of men of that generation are pretty clueless. Luckily DP's folks are more enlightened and could be counted on more for support rather than being complete drains.

Pleased to hear Elliott is getting better and better at sleeping and eating. How are you healing? How is your back? I can't believe you are one month in either?! In a way such a mega amount has happened for you in such a short space of time, but how did it get to be a whole month? I certainly don't feel that much time has passed since we've been checking in with each other and reporting back since his birth... Wow. Time warp.

How is your DS1 with Elliott? Is he a bit bored/interested/helpful/difficult... or a mix? So hard to imagine how DD will be...

I'll be in touch soon, hopefully with some news!

Tinyflutterby Fri 20-Dec-13 14:10:41

Oh Yoga, I can't believe you're still hanging on! I thought when you hadn't been on here for a few days that maybe the little one had made an appearance. He/she is obviously waiting until you are stronger. sorry to hear about your teeth too, it all happens at once doesn't it?

Aww so exciting it's going to happen in the next few days! And so close to Christmas too. I take it you don't have many plans for Christmas this year? It is my family's turn to be graced with our presence this year, thanks goodness given what's hapenned. They never put any pressure on us though so it's all very relaxed. We plan to stay here on Christmas morning as DS1 is really into things this year, so he can see if Santa's been, then we'll head over to my folks after lunch. We may stay there for a night or two. DH mentioned about going to see his own family at some point, but I told him I wasn't going. However I don't expect any of them to understand, but I actually couldn't care less if I never saw any of them again. However he has to go and will take DS1 with him. Still, might be nice for me to have to alone time with Elliott and hopefully I should get some rest as I can nap when he does.

Sorry to hear about your dad not being understanding. I think it's more a case of people don't realise what a physical, emotional and life-altering event having a baby is and they expect you just to act like you normally would. Add to the mix surgery, sleep deprivation and any other coinciding life events and try to act like yourself. I guess we just have to stop being sensitive to what others think and just distance ourselves if they refuse to understand and give us a break. Better to surround ourselves with the people who genuinely understand and care.

Elliott has only been up once per night somewhere between 2am and 4am for almost a week now which is really good and we're hopefully on the right track. I'm healing ok, physically if not emotionally! To be honest I feel a bit robbed of this special time by all these people who are upsetting me. My back hasn't been too bad, although we had a long car trip yesterday and it's not so good after that. Also Elliott is getting heavy!

I know I can't believe it's been a month either! I feel like I know you like an old friend! It's a shame we love so far apart or I could pass on some of Elliott's outgrown clothes, especially if you have a boy!

DS1 is starting to take more of an interest, although I've got to watch him like a haw as he can be a bit overenthusiastic at times! We can see he's jealous sometimes, but are obviously trying our best to see that that doesn't happen. It's a weird one as you don't really know what goes on in their little heads at that age. I'm sure your DD will be fine. some tips I read were to get them a special present from the baby to give when they meet and also not to be holding the baby when they first come to visit you.

Well, if I don't speak to you before, I hope all goes to plan and I will be thinking of you each day and sending positive thoughts your way. Good luck!x

yogafan Sat 21-Dec-13 23:08:41

Just popping in to say DD2 arrived this morning! I was convinced she was going to be a boy, and as the midwife didn't announce the sex and I had to triple check! We are thrilled. SO pleased not to be pregnant anymore, I was getting really fed up. Great labour, despite some tearing. We're going to call her Matilda. Will update more later, sending lots of love x

Tinyflutterby Sun 22-Dec-13 16:47:50

Aw Yoga, huge congratulations and best wishes to you and your family! I'm so glad it happened without intervention and glad all went well for you. Lovely name too, so pleased for you and good to have everything behind you before Christmas. How has DD1 taken to her little sister? How are you getting on with feeding? Well, enjoy and I'll be thinking about you all over Christmas, bug hugs and lots of love.x

Tinyflutterby Sun 22-Dec-13 16:48:05

Oh, meant to ask what weight was she?x

yogafan Mon 23-Dec-13 15:44:07

Thanks tiny! She was 8lbs exactly - the last bit happened very quickly and I worries that I must have torn terribly but apparently only 2nd degree, and all seems to be healing well. As soon as I started on the gas and air cobra yobs ramped up and she was born 1 hour 45 mins later! So reliev I didn't have an ordeal that lasted days and days, I don't feel too bad now despite lack of sleep.
I don't know if the extra 2 weeks inside has helped, or lack of tongue tie, but so far so good with the feeding. I honestly can't believe it. It hurts and I'm probably doing it wrong but Matilda seems to latch ok and for the moment I'm just going with it.
We haven't decided what to do about Xmas - stocking in bed for DD, then either 1 hour drive to my parents for lunch, or maybe they could come to ours for tea. Bit sure which would be easier/more fun or what I'll most feel like on the day. Can't believe it is just 2 days away, it really crept up. I am very pleased Matilda arrived when she did and not right over Christmas.
Your plans sound great, will be nice to celebrate with your family and hopefully gave done time with Elliott while your DH and DS1 leave you to it. Absolutely don't go to the in laws! Hope your DH will be able to improve things in that department while he's there, but it is definitely not for you to do or even think about. You are so right - it 's important not to worry about what other people think, others' expectations - just got to concentrate on adjusting to the new way of things, coping as best you can and trying to savour the good bits.
Sorry you feel robbed of special times - there will be plenty more ahead. You have been let down by those who were meant to support you though, you have every right to be a get at them. Anger is so unpleasant though, such am uncomfortable feeling, sorry you're lumbered with it, urgh. Hopefully it will fade with time, and as things improve generally.sounds like Elliott is getting into a really good routine and sleeping well. Matilda was feeding most of the night for the past 2 nights, hoping to change that soon...
DD1 has been ok so far, nice and affectionate, but we'll see how that plays out.
It's so nice to chat, thank you for all your support! Wishing you well over Christmas, I'll let you know how ours goes. Xx

yogafan Mon 23-Dec-13 17:48:50

Cobra yobs? Contractions!

Tinyflutterby Tue 24-Dec-13 15:47:16

So glad things are going well Yoga and hope you and your family have a great Christmas with the new addition. Will be thinking of you all, lots of love.x

yogafan Wed 25-Dec-13 19:46:24

Happy Christmas! We went with the option of having visitors - goodness, that was tiring enough! My mum made a cake, bless her, but apart from that no one else brought food or made tea or anything, so me and DP are absolutely shattered. Practically no sleep last night either - a couple of blocks of 40 mins, interspersed with feeding, changing, crying (me more than Matilda) and trying to settle. Fingers crossed for tonight...
Hope you had a good day and that your parents have been able to help out a bit.

Tinyflutterby Sat 28-Dec-13 14:43:11

Oh that's a shame, I can't believe no-one brought anything or helped out. I have to say we had one or two visitors like that, but anyone I felt comfortable enough with I just asked them to help themselves. People just don't have a clue do they? I hope you managed to get some rest the last couple of days and catch up a bit.

Our Christmas was ok, but I still don't feel like I'm living in the present, everything is a bit fuzzy, I guess just tiredness. My back has been really bad too so that's not helping. However, Elliott is doing good and we're still trying to follow our routine, so he goes to bed about 8pm and last night didn't wake 'til 6am! We stayed at my parents on Christmas night, but it wasn't that easy getting up through the night and having to take all the bottles, steriliser etc. and all the faffing about that goes with that. however DS1 had a ball and it was lovely to see him so excited opening his presents, so that made up for everything else.

I hope you're feeling a bit better now and things are beginning to settle down a bit. The first few weeks are always chaotic and to be honest I don't even remember much now. I can't believe it's been 6 weeks already! Take care and I hope you are getting plenty of support from your DP. Hugs.x

yogafan Tue 31-Dec-13 13:58:10

8-6 sleeping?! That is SO good - I hope you get a run of those and Elliott adopts it as a fixed routine. Matilda just woke at 1.30 and 6 which I felt was a triumph, but she didn't settle for the night until 11ish...
I know what you mean about feeling fuzzy and not living in the present, I had that a lot with DD1. Defo think the tiredness and the being 'on' all the time made it worse, like being pumped with adrenaline, but foggy because of the tiredness. Don't have it really this time round - did you feel like that after DS1? Think it really helps me this time round that my DP gets what he needs to do, whereas I felt like I was coping on my own last time. How is your DH now? Hope trip to his parents was enlightening and that be is starting to get it more...
I think I'm getting mastitis, urgh, went to GP this morning to get antibiotics just in case it flares up tomorrow when everything is shut. Can't believe you're about 7 weeks in now! Does it get magically easier at 6 weeks?! To be honest Matilda isn't too demanding at the mo, apart from not sleeping solidly at night, it's just juggling 2 kids and DD1's need for interaction and attention that is tricky.
And I can't see that really getting any easier - yikes...
Anyway, happy new year! I hope we have an easy run of it, with many special times ahead. Big hug xx

Tinyflutterby Fri 03-Jan-14 22:48:31

Hi Yoga, happy new year to you to! How are you and Matilda and the rest of your little family getting on? Hope the mastitis didn't materialise after all, I can only imagine and sympathise, but from experience, breast pain is like no other and no amount of painkillers help. I used to have 2 weeks of agony before my period and even after my c section, the pain from the milk engorgement after I stopped expressing was worse than that from my wound.

I was actually more fuzzy first time round, but had a complete meltdown, so it's no surprise. I still feel like that now as I'm exhausted, even though Elliott is sleeping more or less right through, we're having major problems trying to get him to settle at night, so I'm getting no time at all to try and unwind myself. In fact tonight I've felt like running away as DH is on a Christmas night out and I put Elliott down at 8pm and he's pretty much cried on and off for 2 hours and even when I pick him up it doesn't seem to help, so after 2 hours I've caved in and given him a dummy, but I just feel like such a failure for resorting to that and not being able to calm him myself. I just don't know why he won't settle or what I'm doing wrong and it's now 10.30pm and I don't feel I can go to bed until he's asleep.

Anyway, I'm glad your DP is helping you more. My DH is ok at times, but doesn't have a clue at others. His trip away did seem to help and he had it out with his parents and told them we almost split up because of all the upset they had caused and his dad apologised to him (I'm still waiting right enough), but at least the air has been cleared. However, I'll never feel the same about them and the less time I have to spend with them the better.

I'm actually finding juggling the two kids easier than I thought and DS1 seems to be able to entertain himself a bit more than I thought. DH has been around a lot the last few weeks though and helping out with him, so it may be different once I'm coping on my own again, but definetly getting into a vague routine has helped. For example I always wake and feed Elliott about 7.30am, no matter what time he's been up already, as DS1 wakes up about 8am, so it means I can get Elliott ready then get DS1 up and ready without trying to sort both at the same time. Then I try to work it so that both aren't needing fed at the same time, although it doesn't always work out that way! How is your DD1 taking to her little sister? DS1 seems to have got used to Elliott and I managed to get him to hold him on his lap yesterday for a photo, however he got fed up and sort of pushed/rolled him off his lap so poor Elliott was lying face down on the couch!

Anyway, I'd better go and see if he's asleep. I can still hear murmerings but no crying touch wood, so hoping that's him. Have called DH in tears already and he said he'll come straight home if I need him to. He mentioned silent reflux before so we're going to take him to the children's hospital tomorrow to get checked out in case there is something more serious going on. It's just it seems to be getting worse rather than better as time goes on and I'm now dreading every time I have to put him down for bed or a nap.

Hope you are doing well.x

yogafan Sun 05-Jan-14 17:33:01

Hi tiny, hope appointment at the children's hospital went well - did they find or suggest anything? Matilda is also a right pain to settle at night, I think it is a horrible mix of tiredness and wind (worse in the evening for done reason) and general fussiness. It is without doubt the bit if the day I find most difficult too - seems do unfair that after holding it together and getting through the day, when I'm most tired and in need of a break, that is when I feel most tested! Anyway, I hope you got some answers and it starts getting easier. Please don't feel bad about using the dummy! We used one for DD1 and I am constantly thinking about getting Matilda one, as it really helped DD1's sleep. Only thing is, Matilda doesn't actually seem that 'sucky' - it's something else she's bothered by. I have tried offering her my little finger to suck (I remember DD1 really going for this) but Matilda just turns away. I think you've just got to go with what gives you a bit of peace and seems to work in the early days, time to fine tune things when life is a little calmer later on.
So I didn't get mastitis after all, but was really stressed by the prospect if it. I had visions of waking up in the middle if New Year's Eve night with a temperature and excruciating breast pain. Thank god it didn't happen!
I'm pleased you're feeling better this time round than first time. Me too. But the time to de-pressurise is so important I think. I had a bath today for the first time, was great just to feel physically my own for a bit. But it's probably the things we can work into a regular routine rather than one off bites of time that will make the difference...
Pleased your DH cleared the air with his parents and at least they understand a bit more now though. Still don't blame you for keeping your distance though, they messed up when you really, really didn't need it.
Amazing you have for your kids into such a workable routine - sleeping through sounds like a dream! Matilda is generally waking just one but settling takes forever, and she often only properly goes down at midnight so it still feels tough.
DP goes back to work tomorrow - argh! Wish me luck... x

Tinyflutterby Mon 06-Jan-14 20:34:40

Hi Yoga, just a quick message in between trying to settle Elliott and get a shower! Great Matilda is only waking once, although I know it still feels like a lot when they take ages to settle, but on the right track anyway. Interesting you say about 'sucky' babies - Elliott is defintely one of those, but its so irritating as people keep saying 'oh look he's hungry' when I've just fed him. My mother in law was the worst.

Well, turns out he has silent reflux so is now on infant Gaviscon, although it may take a while to work. It really explains a lot now as he is so windy, unsettled and wriggles around when being fed too. Apaprently its really common, but because they're not sick like the 'normal' kind it often goes undiagnosed. Just a relief to find out so we can act on it. I'm taking him to the GP on Fri to see how it's going and if there's any improvement. I also have my postnatal check up.

Anyway, got to run as he's still screaming. Good luck for tomorrow, I'm sure you'll be fine. My DH starts a new job next Monday so that will e all new for me too as he's been around for the last few weeks and I've got used to the extra pair of hands!x

yogafan Fri 10-Jan-14 12:28:08

Hope postnatal checkup and Elliott's GP review go well today. Has the reflux improved at all? Hours of inconsolable crying sounds unbearable, especially in the evening. Matilda is still a right pain to settle, and woke for 3 feeds last night. I feel just about ok but DP is a bit of a zombie. Tough having to go to work and function on so little sleep. Think he's going to sleep in spare room from now on, shame as it really helps me to have moral support when Matilda is fussing and refusing to settle.
DD1 is being surprisingly tolerant of her little sister - so sweet (and a bit precarious) to see her giving Matilda a cuddle on the sofa. She also managed to kick her while doing summersaults and also stuck a plaster on her head...
How are you feeling? Are you able to get any time in evening to unwind? I must admit I am looking forward to the time when I am physically a bit freer and can go to yoga classes, the pub, a holiday... Feels good not to be pregnant anymore even though my body doesn't feel totally my own at present.
Are you planning in having any more? I think me and DP have decided this is it for us, so I am trying to enjoy it and savour the good bits, as as feeling massive relief that as each tough stage passes we won't need to do it again...
Have a good weekend x

yogafan Sat 11-Jan-14 08:23:19

Hi - just a thought tiny, I am going to pm you my email address in case you want to carry on talking via email rather than mumsnet. No worries at all if not, but you'll have my address just in case xx

Tinyflutterby Mon 13-Jan-14 13:34:09

Hi Yoga, got your address and have emailed you - great idea!x

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