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Graduated elderberries

(1000 Posts)
janey1234 Tue 08-Jan-13 21:24:59

Hello all..,
Let's clog up a brand spanking new club over here smile

(By hello all, I guess I mean hello hazle. Hopefully the others will join us soon...)

janey1234 Tue 08-Jan-13 21:25:29

Oh and you bel! Massive cross post on last thread blush

twinklestar2 Tue 08-Jan-13 21:27:58

Hope to be joining you soon smile

HazleNutt Tue 08-Jan-13 21:28:34

Hey just checking in - I'll go say hi in the other over-30 thread too, in case we won't have enough Elderberries just yet.

BelissimaLol Tue 08-Jan-13 21:29:34

Hello I'm here already. Call me lol janey. It's always been in my nickname and I like it grin
Think I'm the least pg of you allhmm. 12 scan on 22 jan.
Time. Does. Not. Move. Grr

BelissimaLol Tue 08-Jan-13 21:30:20

Hazle go and lure the nicest ones over here lol gringrin

janey1234 Tue 08-Jan-13 21:30:53

You're right lol. The first 12 weeks in particular were ridiculously slow. And I thought the 2ww was bad!!

janey1234 Tue 08-Jan-13 21:32:30

Haha lol about the nicest ones! Are we going to be a very discerning band of graduates?!

HazleNutt Tue 08-Jan-13 21:33:07

well time does not go any faster at 16 weeks either and I'm still convinced every other day that something is not right. Sigh..relax, as the doc said. Yes, obviously it's so easy, just relax.

janey1234 Tue 08-Jan-13 21:33:18

Oh and twinkle hope to see you here soon smile

BelissimaLol Tue 08-Jan-13 21:33:48

Haha I wouldn't go as far as saying by invitation only but you get my point grin

janey1234 Tue 08-Jan-13 21:34:43

Hazle I've found the last two weeks the fastest of all... Guess it could be because it passed in a blur of Christmas and new year chaos...

Purplemonster Tue 08-Jan-13 21:43:38

Wanders in and waves...

BelissimaLol Tue 08-Jan-13 21:45:49

Hello purple. 4 of us already grin

janey1234 Tue 08-Jan-13 21:49:45

Yay! Hi purple smile

Rache1S Tue 08-Jan-13 21:50:08

Ah there you are! I had a moment of panic that I would be lost in the cyber wilderness and end up having to chat to teenagers about babydust.

Purplemonster Tue 08-Jan-13 21:57:39

Shuddering at the thought of talking to teenagers about baby dust though I believe you need to go to net mums to truly experience that horror

Rache1S Tue 08-Jan-13 22:01:55

Purple have you ever wandered on to any American threads by accident? Babydust is nothing compared to how batshit crazy they all are!

Did any of you watch the Cherry Healy pregnancy documentary tonight? I recorded it as I am a saddo and was watching Stargazing Live and just watching it now through my hands.

Purplemonster Tue 08-Jan-13 22:09:46

Oh no rach and if I did accidentally wander into a thread like that i would back out slowly and quietly desperately hoping that none of them saw me!

HazleNutt Wed 09-Jan-13 08:17:04

Morning Graduate Berries - and I understand the need for a suitable forum/thread. I wandered onto a random pregnancy/new parent one once, where I first thought that the topics and replies were a bit.. odd and that I didn't quite click. Then found the thread "how old were you when you had your first child" and I swear, all the replies were in the range of 16-21. Not that there's anything wrong with being a young mum per se, but them and us often have very different world view indeed.

I don't think I could even discuss with them for example the topic that I just found a really interesing job opportunity, very tempting...but it's not really a good time to change, is it?
Current job is stressful, mostly due to my boss, who is not always totally reasonable in my opinion, to put it mildly. But I have quite a lot of independence here and am quite valuable, as I know how things work here and I know the industry. After the ridiculously short mat leave I could probably negotiate some working from home time, maybe a day or two per week; my commute is 10 minutes so could go home for lunch and so on. This might not be possible or at least not so easy in another company.

So starting a new job either 8 months pregnant or with a new baby is not the best option, is it (not to mention that they're unlikely to hire me due to that in the first place)? Should hang in there at least until I get a hang of that parenting thing and then see? But the opportunity is interesting..can you talk me out of it?

janey1234 Wed 09-Jan-13 09:08:46

I can't remember if I told you Hazle, but I was approached by a massive competitor media company for a new job, and despite TTC at the time went along to meet them. It went really well, and they decided to skip the second stage of the interview and go straight to the third and final round with me meeting the company MD. I would have LOVED that job. It was perfect for me, and so much more interesting and challenging that my current job, that I've been doing for a while. And I did think that I could put ttc on hold for just a few months to ensure I got full maternity pay there. But then I thought that it wouldn't be fair on them, or me. I didn't want to take on a big role to then desert them shortly afterwards to go on maternity leave. I didn't think that the stress of a new job would help with ttc or indeed being pregnant. So I was completely frank with them about ttc and not wanting to mess them around, and that much as I'd love the job I felt that it wouldn't be fair of me to take it. And I genuinely hope that a few years down the line they will remember me should another position come up. So for me, no, moving was not the right thing.

However, I guess it depends on how stressful your current job is. If you boss is a complete nightmare then it might be worth it; although remember that your new one could be even worse! Your commute to work and possibility to work from home does sound ideal (mine is an hour each way and they would NEVER agree to working from home I'm sure). I think I'd try to put up with it. But I'm a relatively cautious person at heart I guess - maybe you're more of a risk taker!

Rache1S Wed 09-Jan-13 09:17:08

I might not be able to help you here Hazle because I'm not entirely convinced that you should't go for it. For as start, i'm sure anti discrimination laws apply throughout the whole of the EU so they would't be able to not hire you because of pregnancy (although obviously it might put them off and they would come up with a fake legitimate not to). I assume your Mat leave would be the same in the new job so as you said already, 3 months is not that disruptive to an employer.
Your baby won't be young forever but you probably have at least 30 years of your career left so it's important to do everything you can to make them 30 happy years which should also give you a happier child as Mummy won't be stressed out by her horrible boss.
It sounds like you will change jobs at some point but are totally understandably unsure about the timing. From talking to friends who have been there, it seems that changing jobs with a pre school child is just as hard. Why don't you go through the interview process to the point where they offer you the job and then decide if that time comes? You might have decided by then that it's not the company for you so problem solved.
Sorry my advice is probably rubbish!

HazleNutt Wed 09-Jan-13 09:24:28

Maternity pay not an issue here, doesn't depend on how long you have worked. Maternity leave also short, so if they would be willing to wait a few months, I could just start there.

But I'm thinking that even if Dh will be SAHD, having a few month old baby will be very stressful and having both new baby and new job at the same time might be a bit much, I would not be able to do either part properly.

Boss is a pain, but I'll manage and it could be worse. Especially as a colleague has just resigned and she knows that she can't afford to lose me as well.

Oh well - let's just hope we both find some similar opportunities at a bit more convenient time. Hopefully we manage not remind DC1 constantly about what we have sacrificed for them grin

HazleNutt Wed 09-Jan-13 09:41:33

crosspost Rach - indeed, I'm sure they wouldn't tell me they're not hiring me because of pregnancy.
I'm still thinking about it but probably leaning towards no - new job where you know nothing and nobody + a non-sleeping colicky teething baby does not sound that tempting after all.

Rache1S Wed 09-Jan-13 10:42:16

Changing jobs is traumatic at the best of times and I personally would not want to do it at the moment. But if an opportunity came up which was too good to miss I would certainly be tempted like you smile

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