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November 2012 - counting down the weeks

(1000 Posts)
StuntNun Tue 25-Sep-12 23:33:48

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ValiumQueen Thu 27-Sep-12 17:33:16

horsey YANBU. You can do what you want! Not sure how to react to it, but you will be off for a long time so if you piss anyone off, they will forget before you go back.

Well, took DD2 to DR as planned. Infected clitoris (ouch) and possible UTI and/or vaginitis so on antibiotics and urine sample sent off. Doctor asked if there was any chance anyone was doing things to her. I said of course not, then after processing what he had said, asked if he thought that was the case, if there was something in the examination that made him think that. He said no, it was just a possible cause, and that it was highly unlikely to happen in a nursery environment. More likely that she is fiddling, although we have not observed that. I was reassured, but still upset at the thought of someone hurting her.

I told DH and he was so upset, as he says that put him in the frame. I reassured him that I did not think that for a second, but he is still feeling physically sick at the thought of even the remotest possibility of this happening to our baby. (He was abused as a child)

Not the best of days in Valium Palace.

MadamGazelleIsMyMum Thu 27-Sep-12 17:37:27

horsey and apple, thanks for sharing your experiences. Will just continue to be as sensitive as I can.

And you're the one leaving, it's up to you. Perhaps just explain its a small team thing planned base team members couldnt make the other one, not a rival do stealing attendees away!

TheDetective Thu 27-Sep-12 17:38:20

I'm just about to strangle the arsehole. If I don't come back, I'm in prison grrrrrrr.

I swear he deliberately winds me up. I'm now going to have to go to the open evening, starving hungry, and won't have time to eat after, or to get any food to take to work.

Just fucking great. He hasn't bothered to get from the shop what we needed. Lazy fucking inconsiderate twat.

If I wasn't wearing mascara, I'd be crying now. I can't believe he can be such a stupid bastard sometimes.

ValiumQueen Thu 27-Sep-12 17:49:13

Madam I was told I could not have children at 26 after losing one and getting a nasty infection as there were retained products that were not dealt with appropriately. I could not even sit in a cafe with babies around in the early months, but I made friends with a single mum with a 2yo who I just fell in love with (the kid, not the mum) and that really helped heal the wounds. He was the same age as the one I lost would have been.

I managed to move on with my life, which I guess is different to continually ttc and not succeeding, but remember one time when I saw my cousin and she was heavily pregnant with her second child. Nobody had told me as they did not want to upset me. I was more upset that I had not been told, than the fact she was pregnant.

When I met DH I told him about my inability to have children, and we agreed to apply for IVF if we could, or adopt, or foster if that was not possible. We got on the nest as soon as we were married to start the process, and imagine our shock six weeks later when we had a faint blue line grin

I would encourage you to keep her updated, but let her make the moves. Hopefully soon they will be expecting their own little miracle bundle.

TheDetective Thu 27-Sep-12 17:52:29

Feel like a bitch now sad I just can't believe the only thing I needed him to do he has got so wrong. Going to be late for open evening now as sat in McDonalds I'm so hungry. Don't even want it but can't manage another 16 hours without food.

MadamGazelleIsMyMum Thu 27-Sep-12 17:54:25

That must have been tough VQ. More good advice, I didn't/ don't want to patronise my friend by pretending I don't have DD and DC2 is about to arrive, but don't want to rub face in it. A hard line to balance on I think. Am keeping fingers crossed for them so much.

TheDetective Thu 27-Sep-12 17:56:34

Oh VQ that is awful for you and DH sad Im sorry that you've even had to think about such things sad

Kids do manage to do these things though with out any such things occurring. So please don't worry xxx

ValiumQueen Thu 27-Sep-12 17:59:43

apple sorry to hear about your cousin. It is not surprising that at this difficult time he is going back to drugs, as previously they have been a coping mechanism for him on some level. One thing I have found with my clients is that they can be remarkably resilient, and seemingly beat all the odds. I had one client who continued to inject God knows what throughout her chemo, and has a clear bill of health, cancer-wise anyway. Still using. Amazing. All we can do is hope that he gets through it, and also gets free of drugs again. Hopefully he will engage with his drug workers.

ValiumQueen Thu 27-Sep-12 18:05:57

Yes detective who knows what she gets up to when we are not looking. I still think the likely culprit is a fibre from her fluffy nappies as they shed a lot initially. Hope you feel a bit better after eating, and hope the open evening and night shift go ok. You are not a bitch x

WaitingForMe Thu 27-Sep-12 18:21:01

Just caught up on the thread and can't remember what any of you said so please just imagine thoughtful responses to your woes, joys and updates.

A parcel arrived for DH this afternoon, it was DSS2s new booster seat. DSS2 was so excited and came to ask if I wanted to see it. Seeing him in his school uniform sitting on it just opened the floodgates. He was 12 months old when I started dating DH, I can't believe he's now four and at school. I remember him learning to talk, now he shares silly-Waiting-is-weird-now-she's-pregnant smiles with DH and pats me on the knee!

Bluetinkerbell Thu 27-Sep-12 18:41:02

Marking my spot...

Don't feel too great, hot and cold flushes on and off... been sleeping a lot this afternoon. Will see how I feel in morning whether to go to doctor or not

Passmethecrisps Thu 27-Sep-12 19:12:11


What a busy day for people!

daisy I hope that your meds get sorted soon. Your wee boy's name is awesome as well - very cool.

horsey YANBU at all. You are entitled to go to drinks with whoever you like whenever you like.

apple I am sorry to hear about your cousin. It must be doubly hard knowing he is so poorly.

Detective enjoy every morsel. You cannot go without food for that long.

VQ I am sorry things have been difficult today. I have been thinking long and hard about your situation and what I would do from the school perspective. The rating from 1-3 sounds like the risk assessment we have for certain children who behave in an aggressive or violent fashion. This will be shared with all the teachers in the school including guidance on how to avoid escalation of such situations.

I can completely understand your husband's worry and frustration with the situation. The boy has 1-1 support and it does sound like it will be 1-1 100% of the time. How would you feel about teaching your daughter to be assertive? I am not saying she isn't already but her sweet nature is likely to make her attractive to children who don't get much kindness so she does need to learn to protect herself in a gentle way. Coaching her in avoiding eye contact, turning her back on him if necessary when she sees him and so on could go some way to breaking the illusion he has that they have some sort of 'relationship'. I really do get why your husband is upset about the focus on the boy but in the end, the processes they have set up for the boy are how they will protect your daughter. I always find these sorts of situations difficult because I cannot talk about what the full plan is for the other child so parents inevitably get left in the dark. I tend to end up talking in code or riddles hoping that they can find enough in what I say to be reassured.

Trusting the school and ensuring that your daughter is safe and supported can be a real balancing act. Go ahead with contacting them again and asking for another meeting being honest about your concerns. Be completely up front about what you expect from them and what you will need to do if they cannot keep your child safe. If you feel the need you could put this in writing and copy it to the head of education. You are not blaming the school by doing this but ensuring that you child stays central to your concerns.

ValiumQueen Thu 27-Sep-12 19:23:52

Thank you pass that is very helpful. Apparently he does not have 1:1 100% of the time, which is what concerns me. He has 'a great deal of input'. I did feel like they were talking in 'reassuring riddles'. It was tricky at pick-up time as they came out together and he was cuddling her, and they were talking about their 'date' tomorrow. He said 'I am coming to get you **'. I thought DH was gonna thump him! She is still too young to understand I think. We talked about it after, and she said she was just agreeing to it to keep him happy.

Passmethecrisps Thu 27-Sep-12 19:33:47

Hmm. They should not be coming out of school hugging - I could e wrong but it does sound a bit like the school don't quite get it. He must be told not to go near her under any circumstances and prevented from doing so if he tries. Equally, your wee girl needs to trust that it I ok for her to say no but she needs to know that teachers will back her up and that if he gets angry because she has said no that they will protect her.. Maybe that's a start for your next meeting. I am secondary but having given this more thought I also think that the school should enure he is allowed out of lesson slightly earlier than the others this keeping both children apart. Only a minute or so but just enough to create a distance. You can only suggest it and see how they respond. All of this needs to be explained to both children so that they know some action is being taken. The boy must see that his behaviour will not be tolerated and that there will be increasing consequences for him if he does not stop. If they don't do this now, imagine him as a teenager.

ValiumQueen Thu 27-Sep-12 19:36:35

pass if he were bigger, we would have been onto the police by now. Thank you for that. You have clearly given it thought, and I will also think on what you have said. Much appreciated thanks

Evilwater Thu 27-Sep-12 19:55:23

Wow, page five!

Detective- if I were you I eat what ever you wanted, sod the cost. It's a shame you can't charge it to you H.

dasiy- I'm glad you both are doing fine,

Today I've selpt loads, as I've had a headache most of the day. No visual weirdness. Last night I was going to post but we had a power cut for about an hour.

The midwife said things are fine for 36+ 4. My breathlessness is my body's way of telling me to slow down. It's a shame the world can't slow down too.


Evilwater Thu 27-Sep-12 19:57:32

I'm sorry pass, but I have no words of advice. All I say is you are handling much better than I ever would.

ValiumQueen Thu 27-Sep-12 20:10:57

evil I was also at the MW today, and she said the exact same thing about the breathlessness and flashing lights - my body's way of telling me to slow down. She said no housework, and DH is to do all the cooking. I have not told him this. Not sure it would go down too well grin my BP was actually quite low, which is reassuring.

Evilwater Thu 27-Sep-12 20:32:32

VQ if my DP did all the cooking I might not have a house left! Or we would be living on take aways.


ValiumQueen Thu 27-Sep-12 20:39:40

My dad learnt how to boil an egg at 76. My mum is a mug, bless her!

YellowWellies Thu 27-Sep-12 20:55:16

I'm just in from aquanatal. I can't help having giggling fits I nearly drowned myself taking in water and trying not to laugh. There is something innately funny about a pool full of preggo ladies waddling and splashing to music and being thoroughly confused by spatial directions and shouted instructions due to baby brain - I think the collective noun for 'aquanatalers' should be a 'pod'! grin

MissMummy1 Thu 27-Sep-12 21:14:02

YW my DH refers to aquanatal classes as 'hormone soup.' Unfortunately I can't find any anywhere near me that fit around work, but if I did I'd probably end up with the giggles. Relaxation time in yoga is hard enough!

Tesco were sold out of all rennies tablets except the orange ones (blegh) so I bought chewy minty tescos ones instead. YUCK! Not only does it taste disgusting but bits of it are stuck in my back teeth (TMI) and I can't get rid of the ucky yucky taste sad.

horseylady Thu 27-Sep-12 21:55:58

Cheers ladies!!

Vq hope both your daughters are ok

Evil glad mw appointment went well, try to slow down--she says do as I say not as I do--

Detective - you are not a bitch, he should have bought food. He works in a supermarket !! No excuse at work or not at work

Yw - I routinely end up laughing at yoga. Mostly because I'm not a believer in balls of energy and looking like a cat smile

Right tonight I need the baby to not attempt to remove my ribs from my sternum. I like them attached. Tonight we were shown how to swaddle and change nappies. We were also told not to let the baby sleep swaddled. So that answers my swaddle question. I also half know the difference between sheets and blankets. I just thought it was the same product. Evidently not. Grow bags are the way forward!!i

GTbaby Thu 27-Sep-12 22:02:05

had a bit of a splurge in tesco. bought a flake cake for work tomorrow, 3 flake chocolate yoghurts, 4 jam and cream donuts , 2 packets of pastilles, one new dairy milk bubble chocolate, strawberry ice creams , 3 magnums.
( as well as carrots, cheese, ham, bread, cucumber). think im craving sugar?
can i blame the fraggle?

GTbaby Fri 28-Sep-12 00:40:37

Can't sleep. sad. Restless n annoyed.
Worked 3 days this week has helped a little but can't manage much longer at work. Have next week as last week. Prob should finish tomorrow but haven't got all hand over stuff ready. So will b very busy getting it all finished n prepped for me going.

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